#1:
Saten: (a year or two ago) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?
Mare: Wait though there (points at Master Swords office)
Saten: (starting going in).
Master Sword: (hiding behind wall) Come on. Come on.
Saten: (walks in) Excuse me I-
Sword: (tackles him and start violently beating him up)... (stops).. Sorry. (pants). I thought you were the mafia.
Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.
Sword: Who?
Saten: I've been asked to interview you.
Sword: Interview!?. (eyes narrow) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance).
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#2:
Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?
Sword: (there with Fluttershy) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view).
Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?
Sword: I know my way around a jo- (starts getting beat up again).
Pony: For god sakes! Have some humility! It'll save your life!
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#3:
Twilight: (sleeping soundly).. (she is suddenly awaken by a loud gunshot) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? (runs done stairs, and suddenly gasps)..
Master Sword: (holding pistol, and Santa Clause is seen laying dead from a bullet though his head).. (groans). Before you start.
Twilight: Jesus christ!
Master Sword: (annoyedly) Okay! Before, you, start!
Twilight: HOLLY SHIT!
Master Sword: (annoyed) You gonna let me explain!?
Twilight: (angry) Yes Sword! I would love to know why you shot and killed, FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Master Sword: ... He startled me!
Twilight: (annoyed) HE STARTLED YOU!?
Master Sword: He! Startled me!
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, guess he should apologize than!
Master Sword: Well. That'll be kinda hard, cause.. I shot him..
Twilight: Great... So what now.
Master Sword: Well. Looks like I better save Christmas..
Twilight: You can't be serious!?
Master Sword: I don't see any other opinion..
Twilight: ... You planned this, didn't you!?
Master sword: Whaaaaat!? No!
Twilight: You planned this! I know you did!
Master Sword: You honestly think I wou-
Spike: (comes out, in elf costume) Hey Sword. The sled is ready, an. (sees twilight). Uh oh..
(long pause).
Master Sword: You would not believe how cheap that elf costume was.
Twilight: (starts growling)
Master Sword: (happily) I stole it.
Twilight: SWOOO-
Master Sword: LET ME HAVE MY NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOMENT!!!!
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#4:
Loud police voice: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE! (Saten freaks out and hides on the ground surrendering) I'LL SHOOT YOUR LEGS OFF!
Master Sword: (comes into view, driving police car). Hahaha! Gotcha.. Naw, it's just me.
Saten: Sword? You scared th- Oh shit, did you steal cop car!?.. That's crazy!
Master Sword: No, what's crazy. Is leaving it unintended, anyone cold of stole it.. Prove.. I did!
Saten: But dude! You can't steal police cars! You know how illage that is!?
Master Sword: Pffffft, who will pull over a police car.
Saten: I- ... Wow., your actually right.
Master Sword: Have I ever NOT been right?
(shows an image of Saten about to be lite from a powerful cannon in a very dangerious and unprofessional way, and Master Sword giving him thumbs up, as it was Master Sword's idea).
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#5:
Derpy: I really messed up on those invitations! I feel just awful!
Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!
Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!
Derpy: Is it possible were having two different conversations?
Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!
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#6: (Jimmy Tatro video)
Mastersword as an interviewer: Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.
Twilight: Sure.
Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?
Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.
Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?
Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.
Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.
Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.
Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!
Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*
Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?
Twilight: *still reading off them*
Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady?
Twilight: .. Dedication.
Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?
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#7:
Master Sword: (showing snake to high school students) And the most I know about this species is that i- (suddenly the bites his arm) AHH! FUCK!
Students: (turn quite)
Master Sword: (pulls the snake off angrily) GOD FUCKIN DAMN IT! Fuckin son of a, FUCK!
Audience: (gasps)
Master Sword: Oh, the fucking stupid-ass serpent BIT ME!
Principle: Mr Sword, please sto-
Master Sword: Oh, jam a lit sparkler up my asshole and then do sit-ups. lt hurts so bad!
Principle: Sir! Words like that are NOT allowed in this school!
Master Sword: (screaming) MOTHER FUCKER BIT ME!... (calmly) I.. I mean the snake bit me... I think I need a hospital.
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#8:
Master Sword Dinky, and Derpy are employed as caretakers at a mansion. However the caretaker cuts the cable television wire and confiscates the beer, thinking this will ensure hard work from the family. While there the groundskeeper discovers that Dinky has power to read thoughts and says that if his Sword goes more insane than usual, that she should should use this to summon him. Dinky is confused about this, but the groundskeeper doesn't add anything more.
Sword goes to turn on the TV but finds static.
Sword: (calmly) Hmm, cables out.. Maybe I'll have a beer, annnnd there's no beer in here, haha, how lovely.
Derpy: Sword, wow, your taking this very we-
Sword: I'll kill you! I'LL KILL ALL OF YO-
Derpy: Sword!
Sword: Kidding, kidding, maybe I'll check out that axe cellection.. See you later (leaves).
Dinky: Mom, your boyfriend gonna kill us?
Derpy: Guess we're have to wait see.
Sword goes down to the bar, where a ghost drops all settlty and tells Sword he must kill the girls.
Derpy goes to check on Sword to see he wrote "no TV no beer make Master Sword crazy." And Sword himself bursts into the room, Derpy screams.
Sword: (eerily calm) So, what do you think, baby? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Sword..." something something.
Derpy:: (nervous) ..."Go Crazy"?
Sword:: (hysterically) DON'T MIND IF I DO! (goes on a wacky rant)
(Derpy screams and smashes open a case labeled "Break glass in case of boyfriend's insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within).
Derpy: Stay away from me!
Sword: (chases Derpy up some stairs) Give me the bat, Derpy. Gimme the bat. Gimmethebat! Come on! Gimmethebat! Gimme the bat! Gimmi the batbat whoo! Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! (makes scary face) Bleaahhh... (sees himself in a mirror) AAAAAHH! (falls down the stairs, knocking himself out; Marge leaves his unconscious body locked in a pantry)
Derpy: You stay here til your no longer insane. (locks him in).
Sword is seen eating a bunch of stuff in the pantry is back to himself eating happily until a bunch of ghouls drag him back out of the pantry.
Derpy and Dinky are enjoying dinner.
(Sword chops through a door with an axe)
Sword: Heeeere's Johnny! (the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room) Dammit!
(Sword chops through a second door)
Sword: Daaaaavid Letterman! (wrong room again).
Abe: Hi David, I'm Grampa!
(Sword chops through a third door)
Sword: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes! (evil smile)
The girld: Aaaaah! (they get up and start running, Dinky uses his powers to summon the Groundskeepers, who immediately runs to the family's rescue, abandoning his portable television in the snow in the process. However Sword easily kills him by striking him in the back with the axe.
Derpy: Oh my, I hope that carpet is scotch-guarded.
Sword pursues the girls outside but as he is about to kill them, Dinky discovers the abandoned television. And shows it.
Dinky: Sword look!
Sword: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... Urge to kill fading...fading...fading... (family approaches)RISING!...fading...fading...gone.
(The girls sigh in relief).
Sword: Come family.
Tme skip, they end up frozen there.
TV: And now the Tony awards.
Derpy (frozen): Sword, change it!
Sword: Can't, frozen!
(they all scream as the Tony awards begin).
Sword: Urge to kill.. Rising.
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#9:
Master Sword: I've been waiting for this all year.. (pulls out the turkey) Giving you people the bird.
Saten: Oh.. (hand goes to the turkey) Looks so go- AH! SHIT!
Sword: (stabbed the hand with large fork) Neh uh.. Not til we say grace.
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#10:
Sword: Tonight, you become a man!
Pink Pony: But I'm a girl.
Sword: A MAN!!!
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#11:
Saten: I hate to tell you this Sword, but there really is no Santa.
Sword: ... (chuckles) That's funny.. I thought you said Santa wasn't real.. What's next, hmm? . Um, who else isn't real? Hmm? Y...You gonna tell me Elmo isn't real? Or SpongeBob? Is he not real? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business? Hmm? And what about Curious George? Huh? Does he not really exist? Hmm? Is Curious George not out there makin' little boats out of newspapers that he should be delivering? Huh? Educate yourself, you fool!
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#12:
Sword: Hey dude, that one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face, and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't Christmas magical?
Saten: It sure is.
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#13:
Master Sword's backyard, he's on the edge of his roof wearing wings made from cardboard, a small crowd below him]
Applejack: This won't work, your not a pegasus.
Sword: This WILL work AJ!
Trixie: It's not gonna work; just come down from there.
Sword: [assessing the situation] ...Jeez, this looks a lot higher from up here.
Saten Twist [arrives in time to see Sword's attempt]: What's going on?
Pinkie: Master Sword thinks he can fly off of his roof.
BonBon: Yeah. He could die.
Trixie: Probably.
Saten: ... Do it! Do it Sword!
Sword: I'm gonna!
Trixie: I wouldn't if I were you. Those wings don't look very strong.
Saten (gets camera out): Don't listen to 'em, dude! I'm sure it'll work. Go for it!
Sword: Okay, here we go. [steps forward and gets ready to launch himself] Since the days of Copernicus, man has dreamed of flight. On this historic day, we remember the Wright Brothers: Orville and Redenbacher, whose dreams and visions inspired generations. And now, again, one man's vision ushers in a new era of aerial travel, proving the power of imagination and intellect. The magic... of flight! [he flaps his cardboard wings a few times to get some lift, then jumps off the roof. He heads straight for the ground and lands on his face with a grunt. Everyone is shocked, except Saten chuckles, who ends the recording].
Saten: That was fun (leaves)
Awkward silence.
(Everyone awkwardly leaves one by one. Only Pinkie remains, and she turns to watch the others leave. After a few seconds of uncertainty, she leaves too.]
HOSPITAL:
Derpy: Is my boyfriend gonna be okay!?
Doctor Hoof: Ma'am. I'm afraid that your boyfriend is... Incredibly stupid.. He thought he could fly with cardboard wings. The stupidity is so severe that it caused a fall, which has... Put him into a deep coma.
Derpy: Coma... My God, fo- for how long?
Doctor Hoof: There's no telling. He may never recover. We'll just have to wait. And see.
TIME PASS:
Sword is asleep, with a full beard grown.
Sword: Eugh... [sits up, slowly opens his eyes.]
Derpy: My god, your alive! (hugs him)
[the doctor and nurse return]
Sword: Where am I?
Doctor Hoof: You're at the hospital, Master Sword. You've been in a coma for some time.
Sword: Coma... How long?
Doctor Hoof: It's been two days. Nurse, you can remove his face-warmer now.
Nurse Redheart: Yes, Doctor. [said face-warmer reveals to be the assumed facial hair, which she pulls off].
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#14:
Sword awaken in a dark unfinshed business. strapped down to a wheelchair.
Sword (scared): Hey. Hey, what's goin' on?!
Michael Deets (wearing that robe again): Welcome... You are obviously a big fan of my work.
Sword: Your wo- I don't even know you dude!
Michael Deets: But I am the serial killer! The one whose rightful place in history you have smirched!
Sword: (gulps)
Michael Deets: And now you will have a place of honor, as my nineteenth victim!
Sword: NO! NO PLEASE! Y You don't wanna kill me. Please, I'll give you anything you want!
Michael Deets: Before you die, let me show you the things that I've done, so you will understand the breadth of my transformation! [starts up a slideshow projector] This... is me at the grand canyon. [shows a shot of him there] Do you see? This is me at Mount Rushmore [the next picture is shown, with him looking lovingly at the faces there] Do you see?!
Sword tearfully nodes.
Michael Deets (angrily): Do you see?!
Sword (tearfully): YES! yes, I see! [another Mount Rushmore picture is shown, with Michael looking at the camera this time]
Michael Deets: Here I am at the Alamo in San Antonio. Do you see? [next slide, this time Deets has a slasher smle in the picture, with his hands ready to grab something] This was just outside of the gift shop. DO YOU SEE?!
Sword: AAAAAAAH!
THAT EVENING, BACK IN THE BASEMENT:
Michael Deets: That's it, no more pictures. [walks in front of Sword and faces him, then pulls out a sharp knife] Time to die.
Sword (tearfully): No, please! I'm sorry I gave other people credit for your killings. Ahah, it was, it was very wrong for me to lie about the other psychics and get them arrested.
Michael Deets: Your hand will be one with the others.
Sword: Please just let me go! Ah, I'm gonna tell everyone I'm not really psychic! I've learned my lesson! Please, I don't wanna- [spots Ditto and Murphy sneaking down] ... I don't wanna have to use my psychic mind missile on you! [begins to concentrate and make noises]
Michael Deets: What are yo-
Ditto (him and Murphy point police issue Glock17s): Hold it right there, killer! [Michael Deets turns and rushes at them with the knife. Ditto and Murphy fire four shots into him, killing him. The detectives advance, and Ditto for no appearent reason Ditto fires a 5 shot into his offview corpse, getting blood all over him.
Ditto: (looks around, and fires a sixth shot, getting more blood splattered on himself, again for no appearent reason.]
Sword: ... You got here just in time. He was gonna kill me because he was insanely jealous of my incredible psychic ability.
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#15:
Saten: (pulls over the bully to Derpy) Now., apologize.
Pony: Okay.. I'm sorry your she's an idiot.
Saten: Hey!.. I'm gonna ask nicely. That you so my lovely cousin a little repect.
Pony: Your cousin.. Man. Your family must be so proud have so such smart ponies.
Saten: fuck you man.. This is your last warning.
Derpy: (somewhat annoyed) Cousin.. Just hit him already.
Saten: (evil grin, and grabs a pole like object) Anything for you sweetie.. (violently smashes the ponies face in, knocking out a few teeth)
Derpy: Much better..
*LATER*
Sword: Your cousin single.
Saten: I guess wh- Oh no.. No way. Don't even think about it!
Sword: Just once.. Please.
Saten: No... You just end up hurting her.. And I'll end up killing you.. And not simple killings either. I mean like really creative killings. Like in those SAW movies.
Sword: (ends up asking her out anyway)
Saten: She'll never agre- (Derpy agrees)
Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.
Sword: Wha-
Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.
Derpy: (laughs) you did?..
Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*
Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (to Saten) Tell her what you did a the other day.
Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.
Sword: (angrily) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!
Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.
Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.
Saten: Oh! Differently (they highfive)
Sword: (arrogantly) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?
Satan: No-
Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.
Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.
Sword: Good enough. *leaves*
Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.
Derpy: Fine.
Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with poop thing..
Saten: (a year or two ago) Excuse me. I'm looking for the owner this business?
Mare: Wait though there (points at Master Swords office)
Saten: (starting going in).
Master Sword: (hiding behind wall) Come on. Come on.
Saten: (walks in) Excuse me I-
Sword: (tackles him and start violently beating him up)... (stops).. Sorry. (pants). I thought you were the mafia.
Saten: N No I'm Saten Twist.
Sword: Who?
Saten: I've been asked to interview you.
Sword: Interview!?. (eyes narrow) Well. You can't interview a dead man now CAN YOU! (jumps out the four story window, and ends up going into ambulance, and he waves evily to Saten, as Saten watches him get lifted into the ambulance).
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#2:
Iron will: Welcome. To Iron wills show on being assertive.. Here's how being assertive works. You take down who's bigger then you.. Example. Who's the toughest pony in the crowd?
Sword: (there with Fluttershy) Well. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I believe I hold the extinction o- (gets grabbed by Iron will and gets violently beaten up from off view).
Iron Will: Alright. Know who's the funniest?
Sword: I know my way around a jo- (starts getting beat up again).
Pony: For god sakes! Have some humility! It'll save your life!
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#3:
Twilight: (sleeping soundly).. (she is suddenly awaken by a loud gunshot) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!? (runs done stairs, and suddenly gasps)..
Master Sword: (holding pistol, and Santa Clause is seen laying dead from a bullet though his head).. (groans). Before you start.
Twilight: Jesus christ!
Master Sword: (annoyedly) Okay! Before, you, start!
Twilight: HOLLY SHIT!
Master Sword: (annoyed) You gonna let me explain!?
Twilight: (angry) Yes Sword! I would love to know why you shot and killed, FATHER CHRISTMAS!
Master Sword: ... He startled me!
Twilight: (annoyed) HE STARTLED YOU!?
Master Sword: He! Startled me!
Twilight: (sarcastically) Oh, guess he should apologize than!
Master Sword: Well. That'll be kinda hard, cause.. I shot him..
Twilight: Great... So what now.
Master Sword: Well. Looks like I better save Christmas..
Twilight: You can't be serious!?
Master Sword: I don't see any other opinion..
Twilight: ... You planned this, didn't you!?
Master sword: Whaaaaat!? No!
Twilight: You planned this! I know you did!
Master Sword: You honestly think I wou-
Spike: (comes out, in elf costume) Hey Sword. The sled is ready, an. (sees twilight). Uh oh..
(long pause).
Master Sword: You would not believe how cheap that elf costume was.
Twilight: (starts growling)
Master Sword: (happily) I stole it.
Twilight: SWOOO-
Master Sword: LET ME HAVE MY NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS MOMENT!!!!
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#4:
Loud police voice: GET DOWN ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE! (Saten freaks out and hides on the ground surrendering) I'LL SHOOT YOUR LEGS OFF!
Master Sword: (comes into view, driving police car). Hahaha! Gotcha.. Naw, it's just me.
Saten: Sword? You scared th- Oh shit, did you steal cop car!?.. That's crazy!
Master Sword: No, what's crazy. Is leaving it unintended, anyone cold of stole it.. Prove.. I did!
Saten: But dude! You can't steal police cars! You know how illage that is!?
Master Sword: Pffffft, who will pull over a police car.
Saten: I- ... Wow., your actually right.
Master Sword: Have I ever NOT been right?
(shows an image of Saten about to be lite from a powerful cannon in a very dangerious and unprofessional way, and Master Sword giving him thumbs up, as it was Master Sword's idea).
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#5:
Derpy: I really messed up on those invitations! I feel just awful!
Master Sword: Why'd you bring me to Cake N' Bacon for our third date, I HATE this place!
Derpy: I told Cranky I could get 'em printed for cheap, but that meant hiring somebody with no experience using a printing press... Oh, I wish there was a way I could go back in time and fix all this.
Sword: To prove my hatred of this place, I'm gonna leave a lousy tip...under fifteen percent!... And then I'll send my meal back, even though it's EXACTLY what I ordered!
Derpy: Is it possible were having two different conversations?
Sword: How should I know, I'm not listening to you!
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#6: (Jimmy Tatro video)
Mastersword as an interviewer: Hey princess Twilight. Good having you here.
Twilight: Sure.
Sword: First off. How dose it feel being the forth princess ever?
Twilight: (barely even lessoning) Yes. I wouldn't be here without my friends.
Sword: That's nice. But the question is, how dose it make 'you' feel. YOU!?
Twilight: (still barely lessoning) Yes. That is diffently a question being asked. And I'm confident in my friends. And getting it done.
Sword: Okay.. Have to be honest with you. I feel like this interview. Is going absolutely nowhere. You answered 'none' of my questions. You kinda sound like a broken automatic response system, that's only been tought 4 phrases.
Twilight: (not lessening) Thanks. It's been an experience.
Sword: *annoyed* Yeah it has!
Twilight: *listing stuff about friendship*
Sword: What are yo- *looks behind him* Are you reading cue cards wait now!?.. What is this!?
Twilight: *still reading off them*
Sword: (proving point to audience) What's your name lady?
Twilight: .. Dedication.
Sword: (angrily to camera) Her name is dedication!.. You know what, (storming off) this interview is over!... *offview* WHERE'S GOD DAMN BEER!?
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#7:
Master Sword: (showing snake to high school students) And the most I know about this species is that i- (suddenly the bites his arm) AHH! FUCK!
Students: (turn quite)
Master Sword: (pulls the snake off angrily) GOD FUCKIN DAMN IT! Fuckin son of a, FUCK!
Audience: (gasps)
Master Sword: Oh, the fucking stupid-ass serpent BIT ME!
Principle: Mr Sword, please sto-
Master Sword: Oh, jam a lit sparkler up my asshole and then do sit-ups. lt hurts so bad!
Principle: Sir! Words like that are NOT allowed in this school!
Master Sword: (screaming) MOTHER FUCKER BIT ME!... (calmly) I.. I mean the snake bit me... I think I need a hospital.
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#8:
Master Sword Dinky, and Derpy are employed as caretakers at a mansion. However the caretaker cuts the cable television wire and confiscates the beer, thinking this will ensure hard work from the family. While there the groundskeeper discovers that Dinky has power to read thoughts and says that if his Sword goes more insane than usual, that she should should use this to summon him. Dinky is confused about this, but the groundskeeper doesn't add anything more.
Sword goes to turn on the TV but finds static.
Sword: (calmly) Hmm, cables out.. Maybe I'll have a beer, annnnd there's no beer in here, haha, how lovely.
Derpy: Sword, wow, your taking this very we-
Sword: I'll kill you! I'LL KILL ALL OF YO-
Derpy: Sword!
Sword: Kidding, kidding, maybe I'll check out that axe cellection.. See you later (leaves).
Dinky: Mom, your boyfriend gonna kill us?
Derpy: Guess we're have to wait see.
Sword goes down to the bar, where a ghost drops all settlty and tells Sword he must kill the girls.
Derpy goes to check on Sword to see he wrote "no TV no beer make Master Sword crazy." And Sword himself bursts into the room, Derpy screams.
Sword: (eerily calm) So, what do you think, baby? All I need is a title. I was thinking of something along the lines of "No TV and no beer make Sword..." something something.
Derpy:: (nervous) ..."Go Crazy"?
Sword:: (hysterically) DON'T MIND IF I DO! (goes on a wacky rant)
(Derpy screams and smashes open a case labeled "Break glass in case of boyfriend's insanity" and grabs the baseball bat within).
Derpy: Stay away from me!
Sword: (chases Derpy up some stairs) Give me the bat, Derpy. Gimme the bat. Gimmethebat! Come on! Gimmethebat! Gimme the bat! Gimmi the batbat whoo! Ha ha ha! Scaredy cat! (makes scary face) Bleaahhh... (sees himself in a mirror) AAAAAHH! (falls down the stairs, knocking himself out; Marge leaves his unconscious body locked in a pantry)
Derpy: You stay here til your no longer insane. (locks him in).
Sword is seen eating a bunch of stuff in the pantry is back to himself eating happily until a bunch of ghouls drag him back out of the pantry.
Derpy and Dinky are enjoying dinner.
(Sword chops through a door with an axe)
Sword: Heeeere's Johnny! (the camera pulls back to reveal an empty room) Dammit!
(Sword chops through a second door)
Sword: Daaaaavid Letterman! (wrong room again).
Abe: Hi David, I'm Grampa!
(Sword chops through a third door)
Sword: (holding a ticking stopwatch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley. All this and Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes! (evil smile)
The girld: Aaaaah! (they get up and start running, Dinky uses his powers to summon the Groundskeepers, who immediately runs to the family's rescue, abandoning his portable television in the snow in the process. However Sword easily kills him by striking him in the back with the axe.
Derpy: Oh my, I hope that carpet is scotch-guarded.
Sword pursues the girls outside but as he is about to kill them, Dinky discovers the abandoned television. And shows it.
Dinky: Sword look!
Sword: Television! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover... Urge to kill fading...fading...fading... (family approaches)RISING!...fading...fading...gone.
(The girls sigh in relief).
Sword: Come family.
Tme skip, they end up frozen there.
TV: And now the Tony awards.
Derpy (frozen): Sword, change it!
Sword: Can't, frozen!
(they all scream as the Tony awards begin).
Sword: Urge to kill.. Rising.
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#9:
Master Sword: I've been waiting for this all year.. (pulls out the turkey) Giving you people the bird.
Saten: Oh.. (hand goes to the turkey) Looks so go- AH! SHIT!
Sword: (stabbed the hand with large fork) Neh uh.. Not til we say grace.
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#10:
Sword: Tonight, you become a man!
Pink Pony: But I'm a girl.
Sword: A MAN!!!
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#11:
Saten: I hate to tell you this Sword, but there really is no Santa.
Sword: ... (chuckles) That's funny.. I thought you said Santa wasn't real.. What's next, hmm? . Um, who else isn't real? Hmm? Y...You gonna tell me Elmo isn't real? Or SpongeBob? Is he not real? Is SpongeBob not there at the bottom of the ocean giving Squidward the business? Hmm? And what about Curious George? Huh? Does he not really exist? Hmm? Is Curious George not out there makin' little boats out of newspapers that he should be delivering? Huh? Educate yourself, you fool!
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#12:
Sword: Hey dude, that one reindeer just kind of pooped in the other reindeer's face, and the other reindeer just kind of ate it. Isn't Christmas magical?
Saten: It sure is.
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#13:
Master Sword's backyard, he's on the edge of his roof wearing wings made from cardboard, a small crowd below him]
Applejack: This won't work, your not a pegasus.
Sword: This WILL work AJ!
Trixie: It's not gonna work; just come down from there.
Sword: [assessing the situation] ...Jeez, this looks a lot higher from up here.
Saten Twist [arrives in time to see Sword's attempt]: What's going on?
Pinkie: Master Sword thinks he can fly off of his roof.
BonBon: Yeah. He could die.
Trixie: Probably.
Saten: ... Do it! Do it Sword!
Sword: I'm gonna!
Trixie: I wouldn't if I were you. Those wings don't look very strong.
Saten (gets camera out): Don't listen to 'em, dude! I'm sure it'll work. Go for it!
Sword: Okay, here we go. [steps forward and gets ready to launch himself] Since the days of Copernicus, man has dreamed of flight. On this historic day, we remember the Wright Brothers: Orville and Redenbacher, whose dreams and visions inspired generations. And now, again, one man's vision ushers in a new era of aerial travel, proving the power of imagination and intellect. The magic... of flight! [he flaps his cardboard wings a few times to get some lift, then jumps off the roof. He heads straight for the ground and lands on his face with a grunt. Everyone is shocked, except Saten chuckles, who ends the recording].
Saten: That was fun (leaves)
Awkward silence.
(Everyone awkwardly leaves one by one. Only Pinkie remains, and she turns to watch the others leave. After a few seconds of uncertainty, she leaves too.]
HOSPITAL:
Derpy: Is my boyfriend gonna be okay!?
Doctor Hoof: Ma'am. I'm afraid that your boyfriend is... Incredibly stupid.. He thought he could fly with cardboard wings. The stupidity is so severe that it caused a fall, which has... Put him into a deep coma.
Derpy: Coma... My God, fo- for how long?
Doctor Hoof: There's no telling. He may never recover. We'll just have to wait. And see.
TIME PASS:
Sword is asleep, with a full beard grown.
Sword: Eugh... [sits up, slowly opens his eyes.]
Derpy: My god, your alive! (hugs him)
[the doctor and nurse return]
Sword: Where am I?
Doctor Hoof: You're at the hospital, Master Sword. You've been in a coma for some time.
Sword: Coma... How long?
Doctor Hoof: It's been two days. Nurse, you can remove his face-warmer now.
Nurse Redheart: Yes, Doctor. [said face-warmer reveals to be the assumed facial hair, which she pulls off].
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#14:
Sword awaken in a dark unfinshed business. strapped down to a wheelchair.
Sword (scared): Hey. Hey, what's goin' on?!
Michael Deets (wearing that robe again): Welcome... You are obviously a big fan of my work.
Sword: Your wo- I don't even know you dude!
Michael Deets: But I am the serial killer! The one whose rightful place in history you have smirched!
Sword: (gulps)
Michael Deets: And now you will have a place of honor, as my nineteenth victim!
Sword: NO! NO PLEASE! Y You don't wanna kill me. Please, I'll give you anything you want!
Michael Deets: Before you die, let me show you the things that I've done, so you will understand the breadth of my transformation! [starts up a slideshow projector] This... is me at the grand canyon. [shows a shot of him there] Do you see? This is me at Mount Rushmore [the next picture is shown, with him looking lovingly at the faces there] Do you see?!
Sword tearfully nodes.
Michael Deets (angrily): Do you see?!
Sword (tearfully): YES! yes, I see! [another Mount Rushmore picture is shown, with Michael looking at the camera this time]
Michael Deets: Here I am at the Alamo in San Antonio. Do you see? [next slide, this time Deets has a slasher smle in the picture, with his hands ready to grab something] This was just outside of the gift shop. DO YOU SEE?!
Sword: AAAAAAAH!
THAT EVENING, BACK IN THE BASEMENT:
Michael Deets: That's it, no more pictures. [walks in front of Sword and faces him, then pulls out a sharp knife] Time to die.
Sword (tearfully): No, please! I'm sorry I gave other people credit for your killings. Ahah, it was, it was very wrong for me to lie about the other psychics and get them arrested.
Michael Deets: Your hand will be one with the others.
Sword: Please just let me go! Ah, I'm gonna tell everyone I'm not really psychic! I've learned my lesson! Please, I don't wanna- [spots Ditto and Murphy sneaking down] ... I don't wanna have to use my psychic mind missile on you! [begins to concentrate and make noises]
Michael Deets: What are yo-
Ditto (him and Murphy point police issue Glock17s): Hold it right there, killer! [Michael Deets turns and rushes at them with the knife. Ditto and Murphy fire four shots into him, killing him. The detectives advance, and Ditto for no appearent reason Ditto fires a 5 shot into his offview corpse, getting blood all over him.
Ditto: (looks around, and fires a sixth shot, getting more blood splattered on himself, again for no appearent reason.]
Sword: ... You got here just in time. He was gonna kill me because he was insanely jealous of my incredible psychic ability.
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#15:
Saten: (pulls over the bully to Derpy) Now., apologize.
Pony: Okay.. I'm sorry your she's an idiot.
Saten: Hey!.. I'm gonna ask nicely. That you so my lovely cousin a little repect.
Pony: Your cousin.. Man. Your family must be so proud have so such smart ponies.
Saten: fuck you man.. This is your last warning.
Derpy: (somewhat annoyed) Cousin.. Just hit him already.
Saten: (evil grin, and grabs a pole like object) Anything for you sweetie.. (violently smashes the ponies face in, knocking out a few teeth)
Derpy: Much better..
*LATER*
Sword: Your cousin single.
Saten: I guess wh- Oh no.. No way. Don't even think about it!
Sword: Just once.. Please.
Saten: No... You just end up hurting her.. And I'll end up killing you.. And not simple killings either. I mean like really creative killings. Like in those SAW movies.
Sword: (ends up asking her out anyway)
Saten: She'll never agre- (Derpy agrees)
Derpy: Saten. He's not even as dorky as you say he is.
Sword: Wha-
Saten: Well.. I still loved pranking him anyway.
Derpy: (laughs) you did?..
Saten: Yes.. I remember I use to put fibreglass shards in his gym shorts. Every time he had to take a pee. He'd come back crying. *Saten and Derpy laugh*
Sword: It wasn't funny. It was painful.. Wasn't so much the fiber. As it was the glass!.. I had to get a urethra transplant.. And those are COSTLY!
Sword: You should hear his more recent ones.. (to Saten) Tell her what you did a the other day.
Saten: Well.. I mailed a wild hog to house the other day.
Sword: (angrily) THERE'S GIANT PIG WITH HORNS! LIVING IN THE BASEMENT!
Saten: Plus.. The time before that. We were suppose to have a sleepover at his house., I was planning to sneak laxatives into his cereal.. But the sleep over got canceled so I couldn't get him with that one.
Derpy: Ohh... But the idea was still there.
Saten: Oh! Differently (they highfive)
Sword: (arrogantly) HE DIDN'T GET ME THOUGH! He didn't get me... DidyougetmeSaten? Didyougetme!?
Satan: No-
Sword: No! You did not get me!.. Who didn't get me... Saten Twist.
Saten: You know what.. Fuck it.. Fine. You guys can go out.. But only once.
Sword: Good enough. *leaves*
Sword: Alright Derpy.. Let's go.
Derpy: Fine.
Sword: Just remember one thing tonight. One thing.. Your cousin did NOT get me with poop thing..