Mrs. Hope: Okay students, get into your places
Wind: Why are we even doing this play
Mrs. Hope: Because people need to understand the beauty of theater. Nothing rivals such a precious art form
Wind: If you say so
(An audience waits outside)
Mrs. Hope: (Walks out onto stage) Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, the play of Romeo and Juliet
(The curtain opens, showing Cody and James in fancy dresses)
Cody: (Whispers to James) I look like a fag
James: You and me both
Cody: Okay….. Uh (Reads script) Do you bite your thumb at us, sir
James: Is the law at our side, if I say ay… Wait, what (Reads script again) You lie!
Cody: I lied? You son of a bitch, how dare you (They both begin to fight)
Amanda: (As Juliet) Oh, miss, I don’t know what I’m gonna do
Miku: (As the nurse, she speaks in nothing but poor Japanese)
Amanda: ….. Uh, Miku?
Miku: Wait, I was reading off Toogle Translate. Damn it.
Amanda: (Sitting by the window) wherefore art thou Romeo?
Wind: (Comes in, not wearing the uniform) Here I am
Amanda: Uh…. Wind, that’s not in the script
Wind: Don’t care
Wind: (Standing above Amanda, pretending to be dead, as he holds a bottle of “poison”) Oh, if only this was real poison (Drinks it) There, I’m dead (Falls onto the ground)
Amanda: (Wakes up) What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop To help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, To make due with a restorative. (Leans down to kiss Wind, who places his hand over his lips to stop her) Oh fine. You’re so stubborn (Takes the dagger and “dies” in overdramatic fashion)
(The curtain closes)
Mrs. Hope: (Comes on stage) And so, was a story no more of woe than this of Romeo and Juliet
(The audiences gives an awkward applause)
Mrs. Hope: What in the name of all that is holy was that?! Wind, you barely acted at all. Amanda, you acted too much. The only genuine acting were Cody and James
(Cody and James keep fighting in the background)
Man: (Walks in) Excuse me, I’m looking for the director of this play
Mrs. Hope: I’m terribly sorry for how it was. I know it was-
Man: The greatest thing ever
Mrs. Hope: R-really?
Man: Yes. The actors were very incredible. Listen, I’m a Hollywood agent. I have this one actor that just won’t take any roles, so I’d like to hire you and your little actors here to be a part of a big budget Hollywood movie
Mrs. Hope: Oh… W-why that would be amazing. Of course, I’d love to. And they’d love to as well
Wind: No we wouldn’t
Mrs. Hope: (Whispers to them) Be quiet.
Agent: Perfect (Dials number) Hello, Tommy Road, I quit. Get a new agent. Good luck, given you’re acting career (Hangs up) Great, now let’s get this movie made
Wind: Can’t believe we have to do this shit again
Amanda: Oh, it’s not that bad
Wind: Really? It’s not bad, having to wear those crappy uniforms, shout out outdated slang, and having to deal with a story we’ve heard a million times? Can’t we get a different Shakespeare story, like McBeth?
Amanda: Oh well. Maybe this time it will be different. Like maybe we could get an actual kiss scene
Wind: Hopefully not. My asexual self finds that stupid
Amanda: Yeah………….. Stupid……..
Agent: Alright, let’s film this thing
(Large cameras come on)
Worker: Uh, sir. Those two won’t stop (Points at Cody and James, still fighting)
Agent: Just keep filming them. This is good.
Miku: (Coughing, as a makeup artist powders her face) Damn it, stop. I told you that’s enough powder
Wind: Why the hell do I need makeup?
Mrs. Hope: The 15th century were different times
Wind: Oh, really? Never would have guessed from their style of talking
Mrs. Hope: Just trust me, Wind. I assure you that this movie will make us a lot of money
Wind: Money? Aren’t we supposed to be doing this for the feeling of theater?
Mrs. Hope: Yeah, whatever (Walks off)
Wind: Something’s not right
Agent: Alright, good (Looks at the audience)
Wind: What are they for?
Agent: We need them to get a real play feeling
Wind: But this is a movie
Agent: Based ona play. You think the Tempest movie was a success because it had a big budget. I mean, really, we don’t have to try. We just need to make lots of money, and that will be a success in my book. The Transvestite-Formers failed critically, but that movie made a billion dollars. It’s clearly a good movie that way.
Wind: That sounds pretty scummy
Agent: It’s Hollywood. We’re all scum in our own way.
Wind: ……. Uh-huh
Mrs. Hope: (Puts on makeup)
Wind: (Opens the door) Mrs. Hope.
Mrs. Hope: I swear, if this is about the uniforms-
Wind: No, I’ve surprisingly gotten used to those. Mrs. Hope this isn’t a good idea
Mrs. Hope: What do you mean. This movies gonna be a big success
Wind: Financially, maybe. What about critically?
Mrs. Hope: …. Well, who cares, really?
Wind: You should. I thought this was about the beauty of theater of some shit. What happened to that
Mrs. Hope: Well…. Theater’s dead. Who cares, really
Agent: (Walks in) Good news, guys. If this movie becomes a hit, financially, we can work on a sequel. Romeo and Juliet 2. I can see it now. Maybe they can come back as zombies in our modern day, and try to learn about memes and phones. Oh, I can smell the money coming in (Walks out)
Mrs. Hope: …….. You’re right. This movie sounds terrible
(The audience waits outside)
Agent: Alright, everyone. Let’s get to filming this movie. Are we ready
Wind: Like we have a choice
Agent: That’s the spirit. Okay, let’s get going
Mrs. Hope: Okay Wind. Are you ready
Wind: Of course. I’ve been waiting a long time to tear Hollywood apart in front of people
(The curtains open, only with Wind, wearing his normal clothes)
Wind: Okay, everyone. Listen up. You all came here to watch a movie about Romeo and Juliet, right
(The audience cheers)
Wind: Well, have you ever questioned if the movie would be good
(The audience looks at each other, confused)
Wind: We’re not even professional actors that want to be a part of this movie. This movie is just a stupid idea. But, when people come to watch it, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. If you give them your money, they’ll just make more and more. For christ’s sake, people. At least try to control yourselves. If you see a movie that looks bad, don’t watch it out of curiosity. Just ignore it… or at the least, watch the pirated version online.
(The audience nods in agreement)
Wind: Also, to our agent, we quit (Raises both middle fingers to the agent) Go fuck yourself (Walks off stage, as the group walks out)
Amanda: Wait, what about the kiss scene? What about the goddamn kiss scene!?
Mrs. Hope: It’s nice to be back at school, where we can make new plays
Wind: Yeah, you’re right, Mrs. Hope. Maybe we can make a real play now
Mrs. Hope: Thank you, Wind. Now, what do you say we make a real play, with the feeling of theater.
Lawyer: (Walks in) Not today, miss. Or, rather, not ever again (Takes out his phone, showing the Romeo and Juliet movie that was made) After you left, our client, or rather, your agent, got new actors to play in the movie. The movie failed critically, but people still came to watch it. It was a financial success, and will be getting a sequel, titled Romeo and Juliet 2: Love Never Dies, where they are zombies and try to adapt to our world. We’ve come to tell you that we have copyrighted the Romeo and Juliet rights. In fact, we’ve copyrighted Shakespeare's name as well. No Shakespear property is allowed to be made into a play. If you reenact any play by him, we will sue you for everything you’ve got, despite that we already have a lot of money. Take care now (They walk out)
Mrs. Hope: …… What now
Wind: …….. We could try Johnny Appleseed?
Mrs. Hope: (Sighs) Fine. Fuck it, who cares?
Wind: Why are we even doing this play
Mrs. Hope: Because people need to understand the beauty of theater. Nothing rivals such a precious art form
Wind: If you say so
(An audience waits outside)
Mrs. Hope: (Walks out onto stage) Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you, the play of Romeo and Juliet
(The curtain opens, showing Cody and James in fancy dresses)
Cody: (Whispers to James) I look like a fag
James: You and me both
Cody: Okay….. Uh (Reads script) Do you bite your thumb at us, sir
James: Is the law at our side, if I say ay… Wait, what (Reads script again) You lie!
Cody: I lied? You son of a bitch, how dare you (They both begin to fight)
Amanda: (As Juliet) Oh, miss, I don’t know what I’m gonna do
Miku: (As the nurse, she speaks in nothing but poor Japanese)
Amanda: ….. Uh, Miku?
Miku: Wait, I was reading off Toogle Translate. Damn it.
Amanda: (Sitting by the window) wherefore art thou Romeo?
Wind: (Comes in, not wearing the uniform) Here I am
Amanda: Uh…. Wind, that’s not in the script
Wind: Don’t care
Wind: (Standing above Amanda, pretending to be dead, as he holds a bottle of “poison”) Oh, if only this was real poison (Drinks it) There, I’m dead (Falls onto the ground)
Amanda: (Wakes up) What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop To help me after? I will kiss thy lips. Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, To make due with a restorative. (Leans down to kiss Wind, who places his hand over his lips to stop her) Oh fine. You’re so stubborn (Takes the dagger and “dies” in overdramatic fashion)
(The curtain closes)
Mrs. Hope: (Comes on stage) And so, was a story no more of woe than this of Romeo and Juliet
(The audiences gives an awkward applause)
Mrs. Hope: What in the name of all that is holy was that?! Wind, you barely acted at all. Amanda, you acted too much. The only genuine acting were Cody and James
(Cody and James keep fighting in the background)
Man: (Walks in) Excuse me, I’m looking for the director of this play
Mrs. Hope: I’m terribly sorry for how it was. I know it was-
Man: The greatest thing ever
Mrs. Hope: R-really?
Man: Yes. The actors were very incredible. Listen, I’m a Hollywood agent. I have this one actor that just won’t take any roles, so I’d like to hire you and your little actors here to be a part of a big budget Hollywood movie
Mrs. Hope: Oh… W-why that would be amazing. Of course, I’d love to. And they’d love to as well
Wind: No we wouldn’t
Mrs. Hope: (Whispers to them) Be quiet.
Agent: Perfect (Dials number) Hello, Tommy Road, I quit. Get a new agent. Good luck, given you’re acting career (Hangs up) Great, now let’s get this movie made
Wind: Can’t believe we have to do this shit again
Amanda: Oh, it’s not that bad
Wind: Really? It’s not bad, having to wear those crappy uniforms, shout out outdated slang, and having to deal with a story we’ve heard a million times? Can’t we get a different Shakespeare story, like McBeth?
Amanda: Oh well. Maybe this time it will be different. Like maybe we could get an actual kiss scene
Wind: Hopefully not. My asexual self finds that stupid
Amanda: Yeah………….. Stupid……..
Agent: Alright, let’s film this thing
(Large cameras come on)
Worker: Uh, sir. Those two won’t stop (Points at Cody and James, still fighting)
Agent: Just keep filming them. This is good.
Miku: (Coughing, as a makeup artist powders her face) Damn it, stop. I told you that’s enough powder
Wind: Why the hell do I need makeup?
Mrs. Hope: The 15th century were different times
Wind: Oh, really? Never would have guessed from their style of talking
Mrs. Hope: Just trust me, Wind. I assure you that this movie will make us a lot of money
Wind: Money? Aren’t we supposed to be doing this for the feeling of theater?
Mrs. Hope: Yeah, whatever (Walks off)
Wind: Something’s not right
Agent: Alright, good (Looks at the audience)
Wind: What are they for?
Agent: We need them to get a real play feeling
Wind: But this is a movie
Agent: Based ona play. You think the Tempest movie was a success because it had a big budget. I mean, really, we don’t have to try. We just need to make lots of money, and that will be a success in my book. The Transvestite-Formers failed critically, but that movie made a billion dollars. It’s clearly a good movie that way.
Wind: That sounds pretty scummy
Agent: It’s Hollywood. We’re all scum in our own way.
Wind: ……. Uh-huh
Mrs. Hope: (Puts on makeup)
Wind: (Opens the door) Mrs. Hope.
Mrs. Hope: I swear, if this is about the uniforms-
Wind: No, I’ve surprisingly gotten used to those. Mrs. Hope this isn’t a good idea
Mrs. Hope: What do you mean. This movies gonna be a big success
Wind: Financially, maybe. What about critically?
Mrs. Hope: …. Well, who cares, really?
Wind: You should. I thought this was about the beauty of theater of some shit. What happened to that
Mrs. Hope: Well…. Theater’s dead. Who cares, really
Agent: (Walks in) Good news, guys. If this movie becomes a hit, financially, we can work on a sequel. Romeo and Juliet 2. I can see it now. Maybe they can come back as zombies in our modern day, and try to learn about memes and phones. Oh, I can smell the money coming in (Walks out)
Mrs. Hope: …….. You’re right. This movie sounds terrible
(The audience waits outside)
Agent: Alright, everyone. Let’s get to filming this movie. Are we ready
Wind: Like we have a choice
Agent: That’s the spirit. Okay, let’s get going
Mrs. Hope: Okay Wind. Are you ready
Wind: Of course. I’ve been waiting a long time to tear Hollywood apart in front of people
(The curtains open, only with Wind, wearing his normal clothes)
Wind: Okay, everyone. Listen up. You all came here to watch a movie about Romeo and Juliet, right
(The audience cheers)
Wind: Well, have you ever questioned if the movie would be good
(The audience looks at each other, confused)
Wind: We’re not even professional actors that want to be a part of this movie. This movie is just a stupid idea. But, when people come to watch it, it doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad. If you give them your money, they’ll just make more and more. For christ’s sake, people. At least try to control yourselves. If you see a movie that looks bad, don’t watch it out of curiosity. Just ignore it… or at the least, watch the pirated version online.
(The audience nods in agreement)
Wind: Also, to our agent, we quit (Raises both middle fingers to the agent) Go fuck yourself (Walks off stage, as the group walks out)
Amanda: Wait, what about the kiss scene? What about the goddamn kiss scene!?
Mrs. Hope: It’s nice to be back at school, where we can make new plays
Wind: Yeah, you’re right, Mrs. Hope. Maybe we can make a real play now
Mrs. Hope: Thank you, Wind. Now, what do you say we make a real play, with the feeling of theater.
Lawyer: (Walks in) Not today, miss. Or, rather, not ever again (Takes out his phone, showing the Romeo and Juliet movie that was made) After you left, our client, or rather, your agent, got new actors to play in the movie. The movie failed critically, but people still came to watch it. It was a financial success, and will be getting a sequel, titled Romeo and Juliet 2: Love Never Dies, where they are zombies and try to adapt to our world. We’ve come to tell you that we have copyrighted the Romeo and Juliet rights. In fact, we’ve copyrighted Shakespeare's name as well. No Shakespear property is allowed to be made into a play. If you reenact any play by him, we will sue you for everything you’ve got, despite that we already have a lot of money. Take care now (They walk out)
Mrs. Hope: …… What now
Wind: …….. We could try Johnny Appleseed?
Mrs. Hope: (Sighs) Fine. Fuck it, who cares?