Wind: ……..
Cody: (Walks over) Hey Wind. What you looking at
Wind: Just reading this sign
Cody: Oh yeah. You didn’t hear that they were coming to Eastwood
Wind: Yeah… but why?
Cody: Maybe to give their speech on gay rights
Wind: Probably
(Keeps looking at the sign that reads “First Ever East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult) Eastwood Event”)
Cody: Come on, Wind. What’s to hate about East Boar?
Wind: They’re a bunch of psychopaths with no moral understanding or common sense
Cody: But don’t you hate everyone
Wind: Yes, I do, but I hate idiots even more
Cody: Well, their a church, and they say that they speak to God, so… maybe they are actually know more than we think
Wind: Cody… Can you take your neck and twist it
Cody: Okay (Turns his neck) Like this
Wind: Keep going until everything stops
Cody: Sure thing (Keeps going)
(A large gathering of people arrive to the event)
Mayor: Hello everyone. Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to come to this event. Now, please, without further adieu, please welcome the leader of the East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult), Reed Phillips
Reed: (Walks on stage, wearing a very flashy suit and large hat) Hello. I am the leader of the East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult). And I have spoken to God
Mayor: Amazing. Care to speak to him in front of us
Reed: …. Why…. o-of course…. (Splashes water on his face and starts screaming loudly)
Wind: (Looks in disgust) This guy’s fucking nuts (Walks off)
Reed: OH! I CAN FEEL HIM! ENTERING MY BODY FROM INSIDE! TAKING HOLD OF ME! WRAPPING HIMSELF AROUND ME! AND HE SAYS…….. Uh huh…… Uh huh…… Gays caused 9/11.
(The crowd begins cheering)
Person: He makes so much sense. I can tell. He’s Christian
Reed: Okay, good night (Walks off stage as the crowd starts cheering and heads backstage)
Reed: Phew, that was close. They almost thought I was nuts
Wind: (Appears behind the door) There you are!
Reed: (Screams in surprise) How did you get back here
Wind: The guards were easy to scare off
(5 Minutes Prior)
Wind: (Looks over the corner at two guards) ….. (Throws a magazine of Transgender Lifestyle on the ground)
Guards: AH! QUEERS! (Runs off in fear)
(Present Time)
Reed: What do you want with me (Picks up a gun) Stay back. I’m armed (Fires, with lots of confetti coming out) Ha ha! Take that
Wind: You’re a mental case. That’s what I had to say
Reed: Mental. You call this mental (Smashes his head against the mirror and a stream of blood comes down from his forehead) Mad Hatter, save me!
Wind: You’re insane
Reed: You’re insane! I am a leader of one of the most successful churches ever. Look, I got half a star on Yip.com. That’s better than no stars
Wind: What’s wrong with you?
Reed: What’s wrong with me? I’m just spreading the word of God. Gays killed Jesus. Gays killed Hitler. Gay’s did all these horrible things and still do to this day
Wind: You know what that is?
Reed: God’s work?
Wind: Hate crimes? You’re hating on a group of people, and for what?
Reed: I am a man of god
Wind: No, your a fucked up individual who uses his power in a church to spread word to ignorant people who follow whatever a superior says because they can’t learn to think for themselves. What your doing is wrong. You’re spreading hate through random people on the streets and at funerals, thinking that what you’re doing is justified
Reed: …. You know, you’re right
Wind: Wait, you actually listened?
Reed: I was just about to say you were nothing but a dirty fag lover, but now I see that you are actually someone to listen to. I am doing the wrong thing. Thanks. I’ll change everything right now
Wind: … Oh…. Good. Do that
Announcer: This is R.A.T. News.
Reed: Hello, everyone. I got some help from a friend of mine, named Wind, and he told me that what I was doing was wrong. I should be sending people outside to hate on gays because they are different and love the same sex. It’s wrong… People don’t go outside. Who would listen if they did. TV And the internet is where it is at. So, everyone listening to this, gays killed Jesus and John Lennon. Hate them. Damn them. Bring back the 1950s. Except we beat gays. It’s what God wants. Special thanks to Wind for thinking this idea up. But, he’s a fag lover, so, if you see him on the streets, feel free to stone him
Michael: Well, I guess it’s true. Gays are the worst of humanity. They may be good people and do nothing wrong, but we at R.A.T. News judge you for the smallest things, so we don’t care. When we return, a black man shot… and this cat video is the best thing ever
Announcer: R.A.T. News. We have no moral standings at all
Wind: (Sighs) …Fuck everything
Cody: (Walks over) Hey Wind. What you looking at
Wind: Just reading this sign
Cody: Oh yeah. You didn’t hear that they were coming to Eastwood
Wind: Yeah… but why?
Cody: Maybe to give their speech on gay rights
Wind: Probably
(Keeps looking at the sign that reads “First Ever East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult) Eastwood Event”)
Cody: Come on, Wind. What’s to hate about East Boar?
Wind: They’re a bunch of psychopaths with no moral understanding or common sense
Cody: But don’t you hate everyone
Wind: Yes, I do, but I hate idiots even more
Cody: Well, their a church, and they say that they speak to God, so… maybe they are actually know more than we think
Wind: Cody… Can you take your neck and twist it
Cody: Okay (Turns his neck) Like this
Wind: Keep going until everything stops
Cody: Sure thing (Keeps going)
(A large gathering of people arrive to the event)
Mayor: Hello everyone. Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedules to come to this event. Now, please, without further adieu, please welcome the leader of the East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult), Reed Phillips
Reed: (Walks on stage, wearing a very flashy suit and large hat) Hello. I am the leader of the East Boar Baptist Church (Not Cult). And I have spoken to God
Mayor: Amazing. Care to speak to him in front of us
Reed: …. Why…. o-of course…. (Splashes water on his face and starts screaming loudly)
Wind: (Looks in disgust) This guy’s fucking nuts (Walks off)
Reed: OH! I CAN FEEL HIM! ENTERING MY BODY FROM INSIDE! TAKING HOLD OF ME! WRAPPING HIMSELF AROUND ME! AND HE SAYS…….. Uh huh…… Uh huh…… Gays caused 9/11.
(The crowd begins cheering)
Person: He makes so much sense. I can tell. He’s Christian
Reed: Okay, good night (Walks off stage as the crowd starts cheering and heads backstage)
Reed: Phew, that was close. They almost thought I was nuts
Wind: (Appears behind the door) There you are!
Reed: (Screams in surprise) How did you get back here
Wind: The guards were easy to scare off
(5 Minutes Prior)
Wind: (Looks over the corner at two guards) ….. (Throws a magazine of Transgender Lifestyle on the ground)
Guards: AH! QUEERS! (Runs off in fear)
(Present Time)
Reed: What do you want with me (Picks up a gun) Stay back. I’m armed (Fires, with lots of confetti coming out) Ha ha! Take that
Wind: You’re a mental case. That’s what I had to say
Reed: Mental. You call this mental (Smashes his head against the mirror and a stream of blood comes down from his forehead) Mad Hatter, save me!
Wind: You’re insane
Reed: You’re insane! I am a leader of one of the most successful churches ever. Look, I got half a star on Yip.com. That’s better than no stars
Wind: What’s wrong with you?
Reed: What’s wrong with me? I’m just spreading the word of God. Gays killed Jesus. Gays killed Hitler. Gay’s did all these horrible things and still do to this day
Wind: You know what that is?
Reed: God’s work?
Wind: Hate crimes? You’re hating on a group of people, and for what?
Reed: I am a man of god
Wind: No, your a fucked up individual who uses his power in a church to spread word to ignorant people who follow whatever a superior says because they can’t learn to think for themselves. What your doing is wrong. You’re spreading hate through random people on the streets and at funerals, thinking that what you’re doing is justified
Reed: …. You know, you’re right
Wind: Wait, you actually listened?
Reed: I was just about to say you were nothing but a dirty fag lover, but now I see that you are actually someone to listen to. I am doing the wrong thing. Thanks. I’ll change everything right now
Wind: … Oh…. Good. Do that
Announcer: This is R.A.T. News.
Reed: Hello, everyone. I got some help from a friend of mine, named Wind, and he told me that what I was doing was wrong. I should be sending people outside to hate on gays because they are different and love the same sex. It’s wrong… People don’t go outside. Who would listen if they did. TV And the internet is where it is at. So, everyone listening to this, gays killed Jesus and John Lennon. Hate them. Damn them. Bring back the 1950s. Except we beat gays. It’s what God wants. Special thanks to Wind for thinking this idea up. But, he’s a fag lover, so, if you see him on the streets, feel free to stone him
Michael: Well, I guess it’s true. Gays are the worst of humanity. They may be good people and do nothing wrong, but we at R.A.T. News judge you for the smallest things, so we don’t care. When we return, a black man shot… and this cat video is the best thing ever
Announcer: R.A.T. News. We have no moral standings at all
Wind: (Sighs) …Fuck everything