Wind: (At the pharmacy getting pills)
Cody: (Runs in) Wind, did you hear
Wind: ….. No.
Cody: That knew superhero movie by MC is out
Wind: You mean the one where they turned one of their characters into an emo?
Cody: It looks stupid at first, but it’s actually really cool. Didn’t you hear about it
Wind: Well, given that I can’t get away from it no matter where I look (Sees the movie advertised on several posters, billboards, and newspapers) Yeah, I heard about it
Cody: Oh, I can’t wait to see it
Wind: I can wait, however (Looks through the pills)
Cody: What are you looking for?
Wind: I need some aspirin for my head. All those flashing advertisements for the movie is giving me a headache. This may work. Anvil Aspirin. Great for curing headaches. Side effects include drowsiness, insomnia, nausea, skin rash, diarrhea, constipation, upset stomach, vomiting, decreased sex drive, dry mouth, weight loss, weight gain, anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, loss of hair, loss of teeth, loss of skin, loss of life, and most common, increase of headache. For only seventy six dollars? Wow, pharmaceutical pills don’t get that cheap.
Cody: (Walks into the movie theater) Here it is, Wind. The movie
Wind: Why am I even here?
Cody: Because you said we needed to somewhere to eat, so that’s why we went here (Hands him popcorn)
Wind: I was hoping we’d go to a restaurant
Cody: Well, here we go (The movie starts)
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: Holy shit, that looks so fucking cool
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Laughing hard)
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Crying)
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Walks out of the movie theater) Wow, I’ll have to watch that again tomorrow, and then watch it again the next day, then buy the DVD and just watch it illegally online
Wind: Good idea
Cody: What did you think of the movie?
Wind: It was okay
Cody: Okay?
Wind: Yeah, okay
Cody: Boy, let’s hope no one heard that
Wind: What? I just said- (Cody covers his mouth)
Cody: Quiet. We don’t want people hearing
Wind: (Pushes his hand away) Whatever (Walks home)
(Wind and Cody are at the coffee shop as usual)
Wind: Look, I’m just saying, if you’re gonna make a movie with anything involving Michael Bay, than… just stop making movies. Forever.
Fan: (Talking with another person) OMG, did you see that movie. It was amazing
Cody: (Looks over) Are you talking about the movie by MC
Fan: Sure am. That movie was awesome
Cody: Hell yeah it was
Fan: (To Wind) What did you think of the movie?
Wind: It was okay
Fan: Okay? You thought it was just okay?!
Wind: Yeah. Just okay
Customer: What is this guy saying?
Fan: He says that the new MC movie was “okay”
Customer: Are you fucking serious?! This motherfucker said it was okay?!
Wind: I don’t need this (Gets up and walks out of the store)
Fan: Hey everyone! That fucker out there says the new MC movie is okay
(People look at Wind angrily)
Man: You’ve got some nerve saying that movie is “okay”!
Woman: What kind of a human are you calling that movie “okay”!
Cody: I say we lynch this man I don’t know
Wind: Oh shit… (Throws his hot coffee at the person next to them, burning them, and starts running as the townspeople chases him)
News Anchor: Breaking News. It seems the unknown social terrorist known as Wind has disgusted normal humans yet again. First, he defends people known as “queers”, and now, he’s attacked a beloved group of characters. Fictional and fake with no real feelings or emotions, but they are still people too. Wind described the latest MC film as being, and I quote, “Okay”. As we can see, Wind is nothing more than a mad man wishing for the destruction of mankind. But, thankfully, the townspeople of Eastwood have treated this maturely and are doing the right thing in solving this issue. We go live with Jennifer De Grade on the scene
Jennifer: Thanks Michael. I’m here with a few people at the first ever Eastwood Asshole crucifying. The townspeople have create a large crucifix in the center of town, and have sent a search party to go and find Wind so they may crucify him. We go live to those at the scene. Ma’am, what do you have to say?
Fangirl: (Crying) He-he called the movie…. Okay. It really hurt me. Because of him, I don’t think I can ever be the same again
Jennifer: What about you sir?
Priest: I find it appalling that we would use the symbol of god for such a barbaric purpose… But for that bastard who insulted the movie, I’m sure God can make an exception. Amen
Jennifer: And what about you?
Cody: I don’t know this Wind person. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.
Jennifer: Well, there you have it. A sick freak who has done so much damage to us all. Back to you, Michael.
Michael: Thanks Jennifer. When we return to R.A.T. News, we will discuss how a movie about World War II is sexist.
Announcer: R.A.T. News. We don’t have any respect for personal privacy
Wind: (Hides in his home) God, I knew the town was fucked up before, but this is so much worse
Cody: (Knocks on the door) Wind, let me in
Wind: Why? Didn’t you say I should get lynched
Cody: Hey, they would have lynched me too if they found out. Just open up
Wind: (Opens the door)
(A large mob stands at the door, holding a badly beaten Cody)
Cody: They made me talk. I’m sorry
Mob: (They run into the house, ready to attack Wind)
Wind: (Falls onto his couch, falling on the remote and turning the TV on)
TV: And now, a review by Edward Critique. Tonight’s movie: The latest MC film
(The mob turns their attention to the TV)
TV: And now, here’s Edward Critique with his opinion
Edward: (Smokes cigarette as he sits in a leather seat in a black suit) ….. It fucking sucked a elephants gigantic nutsack. The characters were as interesting as a puddle of piss. It was as boring as the goddamn DMV. It was as appealing as the genital warts growing on my taint. Fuck this shit. Zero out of five stars. Where’s my goddamn paycheck (Gets up and walks off set)
TV: This has been Edward Critique’s opinion on the film
(The mob looks at each other awkwardly)
Fan 1: Well… if a man with a camera says the film is bad… Then I guess he’s right
Fan 2: Yeah. It’s like it was never good to begin with
Fangirl: We really did get worked up over nothing
Priest: It’s almost as if Jesus died in vain knowing this shit was allowed to get made
(The mob walks out of the house, looking embarrassed)
(A trailer comes on TV)
TV: And now, a movie by Michael Bay
Michael Bay: I make movies, yay (The screen starts exploding at random)
Cody: Wow, that film looks awesome. We should watch it
Wind: Jesus fucking Christ
Cody: (Runs in) Wind, did you hear
Wind: ….. No.
Cody: That knew superhero movie by MC is out
Wind: You mean the one where they turned one of their characters into an emo?
Cody: It looks stupid at first, but it’s actually really cool. Didn’t you hear about it
Wind: Well, given that I can’t get away from it no matter where I look (Sees the movie advertised on several posters, billboards, and newspapers) Yeah, I heard about it
Cody: Oh, I can’t wait to see it
Wind: I can wait, however (Looks through the pills)
Cody: What are you looking for?
Wind: I need some aspirin for my head. All those flashing advertisements for the movie is giving me a headache. This may work. Anvil Aspirin. Great for curing headaches. Side effects include drowsiness, insomnia, nausea, skin rash, diarrhea, constipation, upset stomach, vomiting, decreased sex drive, dry mouth, weight loss, weight gain, anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, loss of hair, loss of teeth, loss of skin, loss of life, and most common, increase of headache. For only seventy six dollars? Wow, pharmaceutical pills don’t get that cheap.
Cody: (Walks into the movie theater) Here it is, Wind. The movie
Wind: Why am I even here?
Cody: Because you said we needed to somewhere to eat, so that’s why we went here (Hands him popcorn)
Wind: I was hoping we’d go to a restaurant
Cody: Well, here we go (The movie starts)
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: Holy shit, that looks so fucking cool
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Laughing hard)
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Crying)
Wind: …….
(20 Minutes Later)
Cody: (Walks out of the movie theater) Wow, I’ll have to watch that again tomorrow, and then watch it again the next day, then buy the DVD and just watch it illegally online
Wind: Good idea
Cody: What did you think of the movie?
Wind: It was okay
Cody: Okay?
Wind: Yeah, okay
Cody: Boy, let’s hope no one heard that
Wind: What? I just said- (Cody covers his mouth)
Cody: Quiet. We don’t want people hearing
Wind: (Pushes his hand away) Whatever (Walks home)
(Wind and Cody are at the coffee shop as usual)
Wind: Look, I’m just saying, if you’re gonna make a movie with anything involving Michael Bay, than… just stop making movies. Forever.
Fan: (Talking with another person) OMG, did you see that movie. It was amazing
Cody: (Looks over) Are you talking about the movie by MC
Fan: Sure am. That movie was awesome
Cody: Hell yeah it was
Fan: (To Wind) What did you think of the movie?
Wind: It was okay
Fan: Okay? You thought it was just okay?!
Wind: Yeah. Just okay
Customer: What is this guy saying?
Fan: He says that the new MC movie was “okay”
Customer: Are you fucking serious?! This motherfucker said it was okay?!
Wind: I don’t need this (Gets up and walks out of the store)
Fan: Hey everyone! That fucker out there says the new MC movie is okay
(People look at Wind angrily)
Man: You’ve got some nerve saying that movie is “okay”!
Woman: What kind of a human are you calling that movie “okay”!
Cody: I say we lynch this man I don’t know
Wind: Oh shit… (Throws his hot coffee at the person next to them, burning them, and starts running as the townspeople chases him)
News Anchor: Breaking News. It seems the unknown social terrorist known as Wind has disgusted normal humans yet again. First, he defends people known as “queers”, and now, he’s attacked a beloved group of characters. Fictional and fake with no real feelings or emotions, but they are still people too. Wind described the latest MC film as being, and I quote, “Okay”. As we can see, Wind is nothing more than a mad man wishing for the destruction of mankind. But, thankfully, the townspeople of Eastwood have treated this maturely and are doing the right thing in solving this issue. We go live with Jennifer De Grade on the scene
Jennifer: Thanks Michael. I’m here with a few people at the first ever Eastwood Asshole crucifying. The townspeople have create a large crucifix in the center of town, and have sent a search party to go and find Wind so they may crucify him. We go live to those at the scene. Ma’am, what do you have to say?
Fangirl: (Crying) He-he called the movie…. Okay. It really hurt me. Because of him, I don’t think I can ever be the same again
Jennifer: What about you sir?
Priest: I find it appalling that we would use the symbol of god for such a barbaric purpose… But for that bastard who insulted the movie, I’m sure God can make an exception. Amen
Jennifer: And what about you?
Cody: I don’t know this Wind person. It’s not like we’re friends or anything.
Jennifer: Well, there you have it. A sick freak who has done so much damage to us all. Back to you, Michael.
Michael: Thanks Jennifer. When we return to R.A.T. News, we will discuss how a movie about World War II is sexist.
Announcer: R.A.T. News. We don’t have any respect for personal privacy
Wind: (Hides in his home) God, I knew the town was fucked up before, but this is so much worse
Cody: (Knocks on the door) Wind, let me in
Wind: Why? Didn’t you say I should get lynched
Cody: Hey, they would have lynched me too if they found out. Just open up
Wind: (Opens the door)
(A large mob stands at the door, holding a badly beaten Cody)
Cody: They made me talk. I’m sorry
Mob: (They run into the house, ready to attack Wind)
Wind: (Falls onto his couch, falling on the remote and turning the TV on)
TV: And now, a review by Edward Critique. Tonight’s movie: The latest MC film
(The mob turns their attention to the TV)
TV: And now, here’s Edward Critique with his opinion
Edward: (Smokes cigarette as he sits in a leather seat in a black suit) ….. It fucking sucked a elephants gigantic nutsack. The characters were as interesting as a puddle of piss. It was as boring as the goddamn DMV. It was as appealing as the genital warts growing on my taint. Fuck this shit. Zero out of five stars. Where’s my goddamn paycheck (Gets up and walks off set)
TV: This has been Edward Critique’s opinion on the film
(The mob looks at each other awkwardly)
Fan 1: Well… if a man with a camera says the film is bad… Then I guess he’s right
Fan 2: Yeah. It’s like it was never good to begin with
Fangirl: We really did get worked up over nothing
Priest: It’s almost as if Jesus died in vain knowing this shit was allowed to get made
(The mob walks out of the house, looking embarrassed)
(A trailer comes on TV)
TV: And now, a movie by Michael Bay
Michael Bay: I make movies, yay (The screen starts exploding at random)
Cody: Wow, that film looks awesome. We should watch it
Wind: Jesus fucking Christ