Running from Chicagoat to San Franciscolt is a railroad called the Union Pacific. It's the largest railroad in the United States, and is run by thousands of ponies. This is the story of some of those ponies that run the rails, aka railroading.
Episode 9
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do you know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have you lost your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave you in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. You haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and punch a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did you just call me?
passenger: You heard me you british peice of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that you deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are you taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check more tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did you stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two more signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrased* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If you ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, you have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure you knew. On The London & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't you mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do you know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Barthololmew: (Not this again.) Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that peice of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meawhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are you alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do you suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 minutes later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do you mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did you see the conductor?
Passenger: Did you see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help you (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did you say you were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. You saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger you were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So you don't feel like you can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, you can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a runway in an airport
Runway pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
Runway pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: Hey wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car next to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The Next Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows you how he got a smartphone in 1951
Episode 9
Bartholomew "Not so" Perfect The 55th
June 10, 1951
At the station in Cheyenne, Bartholomew was getting ready to conduct a passenger train.
Gordon: *Looking at map of Equestria* Hey, Bart! Do you know how long it would take to get to Germany from my place if I was driving?
Bartholomew: Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that pathetic nonsense!
Gordon: Who asked you?! *grabs smartphone* Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll just ask the smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get from here to Germany, and how long it will take!
Bartholomew: WE CAN'T USE SMARTPHONES IN 1951!!! Have you lost your mind?!
Gordon: *searching* Watch how it's done asshole! Going from Equestria to Germany. Yo, I do what I want nigga! *gasps*
Bartholomew: *looks*
Gordon: Swim across the atlantic ocean! Seriously?
Bartholomew: Oh my. Better get started, that sure is a bloody long swim.
Hawkeye: *brings passenger train to station*
Bartholomew: Well, my train is here. I must leave you in your shock of amazement. *enters passenger train*
Percy: *sees Gordon* Uhm, what's that? *points at smartphone*
Gordon: A failed attempt to travel *falls asleep*
While Gordon fell asleep from his failed attempt to travel, Hawkeye and Coffee Creme were getting their train ready.
Coffee Creme: *checking oil*
Hawkeye: *checking water gauge* Everything is looking good.
Bartholomew: Everypony that's going to Denver, get on this train!
Percy: Uh, Bartholomew? You're supposed to say All Aboard.
Bartholomew: Oh. All aboard!!
Hawkeye: *blows whistle twice*
Coffee Creme: *looks out cab*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Meanwhile in the passenger cars.
Bartholomew: (Ok. You've been a conductor for roughly a week. You haven't done well, but you're getting better now. Now we just do the right thing until we get to Denver, rent a hotel, sleep, and go back to Cheyenne.)
While the train left Cheyenne for Denver, Bartholomew was checking the tickets of every passenger.
Bartholomew: Tickets please.
passenger: *gives ticket*
Bartholomew: *takes ticket* Thanks
passenger: You're not going to cut it?
Bartholomew: What?
passenger: You're supposed to use this hole puncher *points to tool* and punch a hole in it.
Bartholomew: Oh *puts hole in ticket*
passenger: Thanks, dumbass.
Bartholomew: What did you just call me?
passenger: You heard me you british peice of hell.
Bartholomew: *pulls passenger out of seat*
passenger: Ow! What the fuck do you think you're doing?!
Bartholomew: Something that you deserve *throws passenger out of train*
passenger: *flying* I'm a pegasus! Nice try!
Bartholomew: If you're a pegasus why are you taking the train?
passenger: Why not? *gets back in*
Bartholomew: (Lazy bastard.)
After that, another train passed
Bartholomew: *frightened* Whoa. *goes to check more tickets*
Hawkeye: *stops train*
Bartholomew: Wait a minute, wait a minute!! Why are we stopping?! *teleports to engine* Why did you stop?
Coffee Creme: Red signal. Take a look for yourself.
Bartholomew: *looks out cab* Ok, I don't get it. There's red. And then there's two more signals below that. Which one is green?
Hawkeye: At the bottom.
Bartholomew: Then what's in the middle?!
Hawkeye: That would be yellow.
Bartholomew: What does yellow mean?
Hawkeye: That means we can proceed, but with caution.
Bartholomew: Oh. *embarrased* Carry on *teleports back to train*
Hawkeye: I hope he doesn't terrorize any of the passengers.
Coffee Creme: If you ask me, he probably doesn't have what it takes to be in the army.
Hawkeye: Maybe he was in the army, but got a screwed up personality with all those ponies he killed.
Snowflake: *signal turns yellow*
Hawkeye: *drives train*
Bartholomew: *appears* Did the signal change?
Hawkeye: Yeah, it just turned yellow.
Bartholomew: Alright then, you have to continue slowly.
Hawkeye: Uh, Bartholomew?
Bartholomew: Yes?
Hawkeye: I've been an engineer since 1947. I know what I'm doing.
Bartholomew: I was just making sure you knew. On The London & New England Railway, we made sure the engineer knew so no accidents would accure.
Coffee Creme: Don't you mean occur?
Bartholomew: No, I mean accure. Carry on *teleports back to train*
Meanwhile, on the train
Bartholomew: *sees passenger*
Passenger: *looking at map of Equestria* Hey, dude. Do you know how long it would take to get from Germany to my place if I was driving?
Barthololmew: (Not this again.) Perhaps you should try looking at an actual world map instead of that peice of trash l:(
Passenger: Who asked you? Fine, if you're gonna be like that, I'll use my smartphone, and it'll tell me how to get there, and how long it will take.
Bartholomew: I hate my life *jumps out train*
Passenger: *looks up directions* What's his problem? *continues looking* WHHHATTT?!?!
Passenger 2: Be quiet! We're watching the scenery!
Passenger: I gotta swim across the atlantic ocean!! Fuck your scenery!
Passenger 2: *looks at smartphone* Now I see why the conductor jumped out of the train. *jumps out of train*
Meawhile, near the tracks
Bartholomew: *sees passenger land on hooves* Are you alright?
Passenger 2: Yeah. I just saw somepony using a smartphone!!
Bartholomew: We can't use those in 1951. Yet he, and another worker on this railroad I know did it!
Passenger 2: Do you suppose they were looking up the same thing?
Bartholomew: Yes, they actually were.
Passenger 2: Why?
Bartholomew: Not sure.
90 minutes later at Denver's train station
Hawkeye: *stops at station*
Coffee Creme: *looks back* Wait a minute, where's Bartholomew?
Hawkeye: What do you mean? He's in the tr- *looks back* He's gone.
Coffee Creme: We gotta find him *climbs out engine*
Hawkeye: I gotta stay here!
Coffee Creme: Did you see the conductor?
Passenger: Did you see a plane to Neigh York?
Coffee Creme: No?
Passenger: Then I can't help you (God I can't believe I have to swin across the atlantic ocean!)
Passenger 3: Excuse me, miss? Did you say you were looking for your conductor?
Coffee Creme: Yes. You saw him?
Passenger 3: He jumped out the train. That passenger you were just talking to was using some futuristic machine, and annoyed the conductor, and another passenger.
Coffee Creme: Oh no
Back at Cheyenne
Pete: So you don't feel like you can be a conductor right?
Bartholomew: N-n-no sir, I don't.
Pete: Well, you can work in the yards if you'd like.
Bartholomew: Sure.
Snowflake: Big mistake!
Bartholomew: Why?
Pete: Ah, she's just teasing. Gordon worked in the yards last year, and he had a tough time.
Bartholomew: Where is Gordon anyway?
Gordon: *swimming in atlantic ocean* I should be close soon. *looks up* LAND!!! *swims toward land*
Nearby was a runway in an airport
Runway pony: Land!
Pilot: *about to land*
Gordon: Am I in Germany?!
Runway pony: No, this is Jersey City.
Pilot: *crashes into building*
Gordon: Oh.
Meanwhile in the train yard at Cheyenne.
Red Rose: Orion, a little faster please.
Orion: *pushes freight cars a little faster*
Bartholomew: I don't see why Gordon hated this. *uncouples freight cars*
Red Rose: Be careful Bartholomew, there's a tank car with chemicals coming toward you. Uncouple it from the rest of the train.
Bartholomew: Ok
Orion: *pushes chemical car past Bartholomew*
Bartholomew: Hey wait!! *runs past chemical car*
Orion: *stops*
Bartholomew: *uncouples tank car*
The tank car started rolling, but Bartholomew's hoof somehow got stuck on the ladder*
Bartholomew: AHH! HELP!!!
Red Rose: What?
Orion: The?
Bartholomew: FUCK!! *nearly hits signal*
Orion: I hope he doesn't get hurt
Bartholomew: *grabs gun*
Red Rose: Why does he have that?
Bartholomew: *shoots ladder* I got to get free *shoots ladder*
Orion: Look out for the box car next to your tank car
Bartholomew: AH *hits box car, and falls off tank car* I'M OK!! Leave me here so I can rest my broken bones!!
The End
On The Next Episode Of Ponies On The Rails
Gordon shows you how he got a smartphone in 1951
After the Rage Guy, this was the second of the rage comic characters to appear. He appeared as a character in a 4chan comic known as April Fools and it shows him as a disappointed or lonely person. However, he didn't gain popularity until he appeared in his second comic known as Prom FUUU, which soon gained hundreds of fans.
After that, Forever Alone began to flood rage comics all over the internet. He was shown. He is shown to use humor in the suffering of people who are still single.
Now, it is time for the score. The final score for this meme is a Fail. I'm sorry, but I just feel as though that this meme is a little overused. If it wasn't used so much, I may not hate it, but sorry, I do. That's it for this review, I will see you all next time