If there is any game that is batshit insanely fun and stupid at the same time, completely screwing up all logic in the process, it is no doubt Saints Row IV. I mean, what other game has you start off the game with killing terrorists and climbing on a missile while Aerosmith plays and blowing it up over Washington D.C. and instantly become the president of the United States with Keith David as vice president…. No game does that. And then… there’s the DLC. OH BOY, THE DLC.
Now, I just want to state that I NEVER buy DLC. Believe me, I once bought Majora’s Mask clothing for Super Smash Bros for 3DS, and thought it would do something… it did jack shit, so, I never go out of my way to buy DLC. However, my older brother refused to ignore it, and bought me all of the DLC. And…. I guess I had a little bit of fun with it. I really did enjoy the some of the clothing options like the cowboy uniform, the mecha godzilla suit, and the others. And the weapons were also incredibly fun, thanks to the new Knife Thrower and the newly added creations to all weapons. But the real special things are the DLC missions. There are two DLC missions. The first is Enter the Dominatrix, and the second is How the Saints Saved Christmas. Now, for a special treat for you all. I am going to give you a double review. That’s right. Two reviews for the price of nothing (Because I read mind0fuckingly bad fanfiction for free. Fucking bullshit if you ask me). So, let us start with Enter the Dominatrix. Eh, it was okay. could have done without the velociraptors. Okay, now. With that said and done, let us move on to the real special one. How the Saints Saved Christmas.
So, this one starts with the Saints getting ready for Christmas (You need to remember, this is Saints Row IV. It’s as serious as a Jim Carrey performance. I mean, just look at his role of Count Olaf. Talk about the total opposite personality for the original character). Anyway, The Boss is the only one who doesn’t care about Christmas. I made my Boss have the voice of Nolan North, because the side of Deadpool in him makes me laugh. Make the character however you want. Male, female, or goddamn abomination with a goatee, clown make-up, blue skin, and a come-over, but I recommend playing with Nolan’s voice. it is a MUST if you want a good laugh. Anyway, the Boss hates Christmas, and is called a Grinch (Which he hilariously has no idea what that is). Suddenly, Shaundi from the future (Very creatively named Future Shaundi) comes to warn the Saints of a future where Santa is kidnapped, and his evil clone named Clawz, has taken over the North Pole, and with the help of the traitorous elf Twinkle, he uses the elves to make guns and weapons to give the kids, and soon take over the earth with his army of murderous gingerbread men, killer nutcrackers, giant turncoat elves (Giant to them, normal to us). And robot reindeer…. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And your mission is to save Santa, while trying to find the true meaning of Christmas…. This game is really fucking weird. Though, you don’t need me to tell you that.
Now, what makes this so good. Well, I got this DLC at the beginning of December, when Christmas was right around the corner. When I got the DLC, Christmas was literally freaking everywhere. You couldn’t walk down the street without seeing something Christmas related. So, when I started playing this, I got that really warm feeling while playing this… even though this is incredibly messed up. The DLC has three different levels to go to. A small snowy town, the North Pole, and the city of Steelport covered in Christmas decorations and snow. You start in the small town, where you are forced to wear a Christmas sweater. You are also able to collect letters to Santa that each member of the Saints has written to Santa, which you can read on the ship after getting it. In the town, violence is not allowed, so instead of using real guns, you have to using a Crimson Cowboy BB gun to attack Clawz’s sleigh. But, take heed. Future Shaundi warns you that Clawz is too powerful and you’ll shoot your eye out. And when you shoot at Clawz, you actually do shoot your eye out. This is some of the funny humor of this DLC. They make hundreds of references to Christmas movies and songs. There’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas as seen playing in a movie theater, A Christmas Story as shown before, as well as having to lick a pole to get it to work, Miracle on 34th Street as shown in the missions title, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies plays in the North Pole, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, as the snowman looks a lot like the narrator from that movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, with the whole game suddenly going black and white for a second, and they weren’t even subtle with the Love Actually reference.
The North Pole is just one huge war-zone. Imagine that, the first time you get to go to the North Pole and it’s filled with death and violence… MERRY CHRISTMAS! And besides, what other video game actually lets you go to the North Pole (The fucking Polar Express game on Gamecube doesn’t count). There are giant reindeer heads impaled on sticks, elves fighting gingerbread men, snowman made to be messed up like mob snowmen, demon snowmen, and… Human Centipede snowmen… Wish I was making that up. After that, you can either lick all the way through the candy cane barricades into Santa’s workshop or destroy the robot deer…. Though, just destroy the robot deer. Licking the candy canes takes forever. Believe me, I learned that the hard way. After which, you enter the workshop, only to see Mrs. Clause and the elves, as she puts it, “kicking ass”. And she sure is. And when Santa joins in, OH MY GOODNESS! I know that not every game is Christmas related, but if we can have other games where Santa actually dropkicks and does insane wrestling moves on guys, that would be a day-one purchase right there.
Anyway, after you make it to the third and last level, you- …..Oh right. I guess I should add spoilers… But… do you really care. I mean, this is a game where you play as the president, fight aliens, and listen to pop music while your gang bitches at each other, with the DLC including levels such as kill people in bondage gear, and save Christmas…. Do you really think everyone bought this game for the fucking story? Anyway, you start the third level by delivering presents and coal to everyone. After that, you then get to fight Clawz. And by fight, I mean you try to weaken him with Christmas cheer, by lighting the Kwanzaa kinara, the Hanukkah menorah and showing a feat of strength on the Festivus Pole… oh, a Seinfeld reference too? This game has more references than a MAD magazine. After that, you then deliver presents to everyone nearby, causing Clawz to be consumed with Christmas joy, and you then… well, you pretty much impale him on the star on top of the Christmas tree and kill him……. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And after that, the game ends with the Boss doing good deeds and finding the spirit of Christmas, and all that usual Christmas miracle type shit. And in the end, what do you get? Well… actually, a lot of shit. Let’s see here, you get the Elf costume, the Santa costume, the Christmas Sweater, the North Pole baseball bat, the Crimson Cowboy BB Rifle as a weapon, a Christmas tune on the Dubstep Gun, you get Santa’s sleigh and Clawz’s sleigh, a robotic reindeer, a gingerbread van, a car with antlers and christmas lights on it, a new bit of Text Adventures on the ship, and you can call Santa, Mrs. Clause, Clawz, and an army of gingerbread men to help you in battle… did you get all that? I mean wow, quite a lot of shit just for saving Christmas. But, guess that’s expected.
So, yeah. How the Saints Saved Christmas. After calming down after Saints Row: The Third, I was pretty glad to get this DLC. I still will NEVER buy DLC as long as I live without knowing anything about my purchase, but, I think that this was pretty good…. Oh, yeah, and the Enter the Dominatrix…. Yeah, I guess it’s okay… but the Christmas one is obviously better. If you want the perfect game for the Christmas season, or if you're just into the insanity of Saints Row IV, than this is for you. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take
Now, I just want to state that I NEVER buy DLC. Believe me, I once bought Majora’s Mask clothing for Super Smash Bros for 3DS, and thought it would do something… it did jack shit, so, I never go out of my way to buy DLC. However, my older brother refused to ignore it, and bought me all of the DLC. And…. I guess I had a little bit of fun with it. I really did enjoy the some of the clothing options like the cowboy uniform, the mecha godzilla suit, and the others. And the weapons were also incredibly fun, thanks to the new Knife Thrower and the newly added creations to all weapons. But the real special things are the DLC missions. There are two DLC missions. The first is Enter the Dominatrix, and the second is How the Saints Saved Christmas. Now, for a special treat for you all. I am going to give you a double review. That’s right. Two reviews for the price of nothing (Because I read mind0fuckingly bad fanfiction for free. Fucking bullshit if you ask me). So, let us start with Enter the Dominatrix. Eh, it was okay. could have done without the velociraptors. Okay, now. With that said and done, let us move on to the real special one. How the Saints Saved Christmas.
So, this one starts with the Saints getting ready for Christmas (You need to remember, this is Saints Row IV. It’s as serious as a Jim Carrey performance. I mean, just look at his role of Count Olaf. Talk about the total opposite personality for the original character). Anyway, The Boss is the only one who doesn’t care about Christmas. I made my Boss have the voice of Nolan North, because the side of Deadpool in him makes me laugh. Make the character however you want. Male, female, or goddamn abomination with a goatee, clown make-up, blue skin, and a come-over, but I recommend playing with Nolan’s voice. it is a MUST if you want a good laugh. Anyway, the Boss hates Christmas, and is called a Grinch (Which he hilariously has no idea what that is). Suddenly, Shaundi from the future (Very creatively named Future Shaundi) comes to warn the Saints of a future where Santa is kidnapped, and his evil clone named Clawz, has taken over the North Pole, and with the help of the traitorous elf Twinkle, he uses the elves to make guns and weapons to give the kids, and soon take over the earth with his army of murderous gingerbread men, killer nutcrackers, giant turncoat elves (Giant to them, normal to us). And robot reindeer…. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And your mission is to save Santa, while trying to find the true meaning of Christmas…. This game is really fucking weird. Though, you don’t need me to tell you that.
Now, what makes this so good. Well, I got this DLC at the beginning of December, when Christmas was right around the corner. When I got the DLC, Christmas was literally freaking everywhere. You couldn’t walk down the street without seeing something Christmas related. So, when I started playing this, I got that really warm feeling while playing this… even though this is incredibly messed up. The DLC has three different levels to go to. A small snowy town, the North Pole, and the city of Steelport covered in Christmas decorations and snow. You start in the small town, where you are forced to wear a Christmas sweater. You are also able to collect letters to Santa that each member of the Saints has written to Santa, which you can read on the ship after getting it. In the town, violence is not allowed, so instead of using real guns, you have to using a Crimson Cowboy BB gun to attack Clawz’s sleigh. But, take heed. Future Shaundi warns you that Clawz is too powerful and you’ll shoot your eye out. And when you shoot at Clawz, you actually do shoot your eye out. This is some of the funny humor of this DLC. They make hundreds of references to Christmas movies and songs. There’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas as seen playing in a movie theater, A Christmas Story as shown before, as well as having to lick a pole to get it to work, Miracle on 34th Street as shown in the missions title, Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies plays in the North Pole, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer, as the snowman looks a lot like the narrator from that movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, with the whole game suddenly going black and white for a second, and they weren’t even subtle with the Love Actually reference.
The North Pole is just one huge war-zone. Imagine that, the first time you get to go to the North Pole and it’s filled with death and violence… MERRY CHRISTMAS! And besides, what other video game actually lets you go to the North Pole (The fucking Polar Express game on Gamecube doesn’t count). There are giant reindeer heads impaled on sticks, elves fighting gingerbread men, snowman made to be messed up like mob snowmen, demon snowmen, and… Human Centipede snowmen… Wish I was making that up. After that, you can either lick all the way through the candy cane barricades into Santa’s workshop or destroy the robot deer…. Though, just destroy the robot deer. Licking the candy canes takes forever. Believe me, I learned that the hard way. After which, you enter the workshop, only to see Mrs. Clause and the elves, as she puts it, “kicking ass”. And she sure is. And when Santa joins in, OH MY GOODNESS! I know that not every game is Christmas related, but if we can have other games where Santa actually dropkicks and does insane wrestling moves on guys, that would be a day-one purchase right there.
Anyway, after you make it to the third and last level, you- …..Oh right. I guess I should add spoilers… But… do you really care. I mean, this is a game where you play as the president, fight aliens, and listen to pop music while your gang bitches at each other, with the DLC including levels such as kill people in bondage gear, and save Christmas…. Do you really think everyone bought this game for the fucking story? Anyway, you start the third level by delivering presents and coal to everyone. After that, you then get to fight Clawz. And by fight, I mean you try to weaken him with Christmas cheer, by lighting the Kwanzaa kinara, the Hanukkah menorah and showing a feat of strength on the Festivus Pole… oh, a Seinfeld reference too? This game has more references than a MAD magazine. After that, you then deliver presents to everyone nearby, causing Clawz to be consumed with Christmas joy, and you then… well, you pretty much impale him on the star on top of the Christmas tree and kill him……. MERRY CHRISTMAS! And after that, the game ends with the Boss doing good deeds and finding the spirit of Christmas, and all that usual Christmas miracle type shit. And in the end, what do you get? Well… actually, a lot of shit. Let’s see here, you get the Elf costume, the Santa costume, the Christmas Sweater, the North Pole baseball bat, the Crimson Cowboy BB Rifle as a weapon, a Christmas tune on the Dubstep Gun, you get Santa’s sleigh and Clawz’s sleigh, a robotic reindeer, a gingerbread van, a car with antlers and christmas lights on it, a new bit of Text Adventures on the ship, and you can call Santa, Mrs. Clause, Clawz, and an army of gingerbread men to help you in battle… did you get all that? I mean wow, quite a lot of shit just for saving Christmas. But, guess that’s expected.
So, yeah. How the Saints Saved Christmas. After calming down after Saints Row: The Third, I was pretty glad to get this DLC. I still will NEVER buy DLC as long as I live without knowing anything about my purchase, but, I think that this was pretty good…. Oh, yeah, and the Enter the Dominatrix…. Yeah, I guess it’s okay… but the Christmas one is obviously better. If you want the perfect game for the Christmas season, or if you're just into the insanity of Saints Row IV, than this is for you. But, hey, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take