Wind: (Sleeping)
Mom: Wind, wake up
Wind: (Wakes up) What, mom?
Mom: You overslept again. Were you too excited for the festival
Wind: Kinda, but that’s only because that festival is the only interesting thing that happens in this damn village
Mom: Well, you’d better hurry. And remember. I want you to behave yourself
Wind: Sure… I’ll be sure to behave myself
Wind: (Walking into the festival) Okay, so, what should I do fi- (Gets bumped into)
Marle: (Falls onto the ground)
Wind: Goddamn, it watch where you’re going
Marle: (Drops her locket)
Wind: (Picks it up) (What a nice locket. Maybe I could sell it and- Wait, there’s a picture inside. That easily fuck over the value)
Marle: (Stands up)
Wind: (Hands her her locket) Here, this is useless to me
Marle: Thanks
Wind: Egh
Marle: Sorry about that
Wind: Yeah, you’d better be sorry
Marle: What’s your name
Wind: Well, since I will turn the world into a Darwinist dictatorship one day, I guess I could tell you. I’m Wind, that’s what everyone calls me anyway.
Marle: I’m Marle. Nice to meet you
Wind: Can’t say the same for you
Marle: Well, do you mind walking with me… I’m pretty lonely here
Wind: Why would I do that
Marle: I’ll buy you lunch
Wind: …… Damn it, you’re lucky I skipped breakfast this morning. Come on, let's go. I just hope I don’t have to save your ass, leading to some bullshit adventure
Lucca: And here, I have a teleportation device. Who wants to try it first
Marle: Oh, me (Steps on the platform)
Lucca: Okay, here we go
Wind: Well, this possibly can’t fuck up in anyway possible way
Marle: (Suddenly teleports in a different place)
Lucca: Oh, no. She’s gone
Wind: …………… No
Lucca: Quick, someone (Looks at Wind) You
Wind: No
Lucca: Quick, we need you to-
Wind: No no no
Lucca: To save her and go on an adventure
Wind: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!
Wind: (Makes it into the medieval time) Well, this place is certainly different. Now, I wonder what I will meet here-
Frog: Halt, stand back
Wind: OH GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING
Frog: Fret not. I am not the enemy
Wind: It looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, only surprisingly worse
Frog: Are you on an adventure
Wind: Sadly
Frog: Well, mind if I were to join you along your quest
Wind: ……. Why
Frog: I have my own intentions
Wind: …….. Okay
Wind: Okay, Marle, now, don’t get kidnapped. Because, if you do, I will gag you with my sword. And I don’t mean penis. I mean my actual, real, dangerous sword that is in it’s seathe right now.
Marle: Thank you, Wind
Wind: Yeah, you’d better be thankful. I just hope nothing more stupid happens today-
Guards: Halt, what are you doing with the princess
Wind: I’m just bringing this living waste of time home
Guard: You kidnapped her, didn’t you
Wind: I am just bringing her home
Guard: You did! Guards, arrest this man
Wind: Are you fucking kidding me (Gets arrested)
Judge: Wind, do you admit to stealing an elderly man's food?
Wind: I was just as hungry as he was
Judge: And do you admit breaking a small vase and leaving?
Wind: I have an obsession with breaking things
Judge: And do you admit to eviscerating the cat and impaling it on a tree branch for all to see?
Wind: It looked at me funny
Judge: And do you admit to kidnapping the princess, Nadala
Wind: Okay, now that was a mistake. I didn’t know she was a princess. She lied, and then she was sent into the past where I joined forces with a frog to kill gargoyles, giant snakes, Medusa bitches, and a giant yellow goat demon. Honest story
Judge: ….. Guilty. Sentence him to death
Wind: Well, thank god for the guards incompetence
Lucca: Wind, we need to get out of here
Wind: Hey, Lucca. Thanks for helping me out in the courtroom with your brilliant tactic of just fucking sitting there. You too, Marle
Marle: Sorry about all this. I tried to do what I can to get them to listen
Wind: Yeah, I bet you did. Let’s just go. I think this portal will help (Steps in, only to end up in a destroyed future) Well, this is fucking depressing looking. I like it
Lucca: (Looking over a computer) 1999 AD: The Day of Lavos?
(Opens a file, revealing footage of Lavos destroying the world and killing millions)
Lucca: …..W-What is this
Marle: T-This is terrible
Wind: ……. Fuck it, after everything else that’s happened today, I don’t care anymore. Let’s go kill the parasite alien fucker, because I already know that’s what I have to do. Let’s go find some more people, get them to join, and kill the alien fucker
Robo: Oh, hello. My name is Robo
Wind: Wow, a robot. Technology sure has evolved before that alien came and fucked it all up. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted I guess. Anyway, you want to help us kick the shit out of an alien
Robo: Very well
(Robo has joined your party)
Wind: (In Prehistoric Era) I have no idea how or why we ended up here, but I doubt we will find anyone of any u-
Ayla: (Suplexes a raptor)
Wind: …. Okay, who are you
Ayla: Me Ayla. Ayla chief of village
Wind: …… Well, at least she’s strong enough for me to want in our group. Why don’t you join us in our quest to kill an alien
Ayla: Ayla will do that
Magus: So, you’ve made it this far. So, you think that you can defeat Lavos? Well, I will just have to sto-
Wind: Yeah, I already used a walkthrough. You want to kill Lavos just as much as we do. So, let’s just face it. We are either going to succeed or we are all fucked. So, you can just help us or we can kill you. Me and the others are already over at like level a hundred or some shit, so you can die or join us. You’re choice
Magus: …….. Fine. But I am not your friend, understand
Wind: I think I made the right choice choosing you, because I don’t need friends in my life. You’ll fit in perfectly
Lavos: (Wakes up)
Marle: Okay, guys. This may be a challenge, but if we work together, and put every bit of effort into this fight, we can wi-
Wind: (Stabs Lavos in the back, and then crawls into the hole, slicing up his insides, and coming out his face) Or, I could just do that. Congratulations, I did all the hard work. I literally could have done this all by myself. Getting you other three was a waste of my fucking time. Fuck you people. Lucca, start a teleporting, send these fucks to their place in time, and then get me fucking home.
Mom: Wind, wake up
Wind: (Wakes up) What, mom?
Mom: You overslept again. Were you too excited for the festival
Wind: Kinda, but that’s only because that festival is the only interesting thing that happens in this damn village
Mom: Well, you’d better hurry. And remember. I want you to behave yourself
Wind: Sure… I’ll be sure to behave myself
Wind: (Walking into the festival) Okay, so, what should I do fi- (Gets bumped into)
Marle: (Falls onto the ground)
Wind: Goddamn, it watch where you’re going
Marle: (Drops her locket)
Wind: (Picks it up) (What a nice locket. Maybe I could sell it and- Wait, there’s a picture inside. That easily fuck over the value)
Marle: (Stands up)
Wind: (Hands her her locket) Here, this is useless to me
Marle: Thanks
Wind: Egh
Marle: Sorry about that
Wind: Yeah, you’d better be sorry
Marle: What’s your name
Wind: Well, since I will turn the world into a Darwinist dictatorship one day, I guess I could tell you. I’m Wind, that’s what everyone calls me anyway.
Marle: I’m Marle. Nice to meet you
Wind: Can’t say the same for you
Marle: Well, do you mind walking with me… I’m pretty lonely here
Wind: Why would I do that
Marle: I’ll buy you lunch
Wind: …… Damn it, you’re lucky I skipped breakfast this morning. Come on, let's go. I just hope I don’t have to save your ass, leading to some bullshit adventure
Lucca: And here, I have a teleportation device. Who wants to try it first
Marle: Oh, me (Steps on the platform)
Lucca: Okay, here we go
Wind: Well, this possibly can’t fuck up in anyway possible way
Marle: (Suddenly teleports in a different place)
Lucca: Oh, no. She’s gone
Wind: …………… No
Lucca: Quick, someone (Looks at Wind) You
Wind: No
Lucca: Quick, we need you to-
Wind: No no no
Lucca: To save her and go on an adventure
Wind: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!
Wind: (Makes it into the medieval time) Well, this place is certainly different. Now, I wonder what I will meet here-
Frog: Halt, stand back
Wind: OH GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING
Frog: Fret not. I am not the enemy
Wind: It looks like the Creature from the Black Lagoon, only surprisingly worse
Frog: Are you on an adventure
Wind: Sadly
Frog: Well, mind if I were to join you along your quest
Wind: ……. Why
Frog: I have my own intentions
Wind: …….. Okay
Wind: Okay, Marle, now, don’t get kidnapped. Because, if you do, I will gag you with my sword. And I don’t mean penis. I mean my actual, real, dangerous sword that is in it’s seathe right now.
Marle: Thank you, Wind
Wind: Yeah, you’d better be thankful. I just hope nothing more stupid happens today-
Guards: Halt, what are you doing with the princess
Wind: I’m just bringing this living waste of time home
Guard: You kidnapped her, didn’t you
Wind: I am just bringing her home
Guard: You did! Guards, arrest this man
Wind: Are you fucking kidding me (Gets arrested)
Judge: Wind, do you admit to stealing an elderly man's food?
Wind: I was just as hungry as he was
Judge: And do you admit breaking a small vase and leaving?
Wind: I have an obsession with breaking things
Judge: And do you admit to eviscerating the cat and impaling it on a tree branch for all to see?
Wind: It looked at me funny
Judge: And do you admit to kidnapping the princess, Nadala
Wind: Okay, now that was a mistake. I didn’t know she was a princess. She lied, and then she was sent into the past where I joined forces with a frog to kill gargoyles, giant snakes, Medusa bitches, and a giant yellow goat demon. Honest story
Judge: ….. Guilty. Sentence him to death
Wind: Well, thank god for the guards incompetence
Lucca: Wind, we need to get out of here
Wind: Hey, Lucca. Thanks for helping me out in the courtroom with your brilliant tactic of just fucking sitting there. You too, Marle
Marle: Sorry about all this. I tried to do what I can to get them to listen
Wind: Yeah, I bet you did. Let’s just go. I think this portal will help (Steps in, only to end up in a destroyed future) Well, this is fucking depressing looking. I like it
Lucca: (Looking over a computer) 1999 AD: The Day of Lavos?
(Opens a file, revealing footage of Lavos destroying the world and killing millions)
Lucca: …..W-What is this
Marle: T-This is terrible
Wind: ……. Fuck it, after everything else that’s happened today, I don’t care anymore. Let’s go kill the parasite alien fucker, because I already know that’s what I have to do. Let’s go find some more people, get them to join, and kill the alien fucker
Robo: Oh, hello. My name is Robo
Wind: Wow, a robot. Technology sure has evolved before that alien came and fucked it all up. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted I guess. Anyway, you want to help us kick the shit out of an alien
Robo: Very well
(Robo has joined your party)
Wind: (In Prehistoric Era) I have no idea how or why we ended up here, but I doubt we will find anyone of any u-
Ayla: (Suplexes a raptor)
Wind: …. Okay, who are you
Ayla: Me Ayla. Ayla chief of village
Wind: …… Well, at least she’s strong enough for me to want in our group. Why don’t you join us in our quest to kill an alien
Ayla: Ayla will do that
Magus: So, you’ve made it this far. So, you think that you can defeat Lavos? Well, I will just have to sto-
Wind: Yeah, I already used a walkthrough. You want to kill Lavos just as much as we do. So, let’s just face it. We are either going to succeed or we are all fucked. So, you can just help us or we can kill you. Me and the others are already over at like level a hundred or some shit, so you can die or join us. You’re choice
Magus: …….. Fine. But I am not your friend, understand
Wind: I think I made the right choice choosing you, because I don’t need friends in my life. You’ll fit in perfectly
Lavos: (Wakes up)
Marle: Okay, guys. This may be a challenge, but if we work together, and put every bit of effort into this fight, we can wi-
Wind: (Stabs Lavos in the back, and then crawls into the hole, slicing up his insides, and coming out his face) Or, I could just do that. Congratulations, I did all the hard work. I literally could have done this all by myself. Getting you other three was a waste of my fucking time. Fuck you people. Lucca, start a teleporting, send these fucks to their place in time, and then get me fucking home.
Unpa Lunpa doom-pa-de-do
I’ve got a perfect order for you
Unpa Lunpa Doom-pa-de-dee
If you wish to live, you’ll listen to me
What can we do when our labor camps full
Unable to get children to produce our wool
Insurance Fraud is our get-rich-quick scheme
Scaring the people so I may haunt their dreams
The nuclear threats also make me glee
Unpa Lunpa Doom-pa-de-dong
If you follow my laws, you will live long
You will be in daddy’s graces too
Like I, Unpa Lunpa, doom-pa-dee-do
I’ve got a perfect order for you
Unpa Lunpa Doom-pa-de-dee
If you wish to live, you’ll listen to me
What can we do when our labor camps full
Unable to get children to produce our wool
Insurance Fraud is our get-rich-quick scheme
Scaring the people so I may haunt their dreams
The nuclear threats also make me glee
Unpa Lunpa Doom-pa-de-dong
If you follow my laws, you will live long
You will be in daddy’s graces too
Like I, Unpa Lunpa, doom-pa-dee-do