Wind: But why do I have to do this
Teacher: Because at the last ballgame, your so called “National Anthem” caused a full scale riot
Wind: Oh, it wasn’t that bad
Teacher: Forty-six people died
Wind: Oh… well that what they get for going to a ballgame
Teacher: Okay, the way I see it, you have two options. You can either play a game of baseball and win this school a victory, or you can spend a day with Austin over there
Austin: (Draws a penis on the board) HA HA HA HA!
Wind: I’ll play
Teacher: Your damn right you will
(That night)
Dave: Hello, Oxford. It is a beautiful day here at the Oxford High Schools Baseball Field. I’m your host, Dave Davidson
John: And John Johnson. And were here to give you the latest in high school baseball news
Dave: It still baffles me how people are this interested in high school baseball
John: Oxford is a dump. What do you expect?
Dave: Well, I hear Wind is going to be playing today
John: You mean the guy who started the riot at the last game
Dave: Yeah, he’s fucking nuts. Even though I totally respect him. And I’m not just saying that because I don’t wanna die
John: Same here
(Meanwhile, on the field)
Cody: Tell me again how you convinced me to join
Wind: I didn’t. You just showed up. And in uniform, too
Cody: So I did…. why?
Wind: (Stands on the field and holds bat in hand)
Player: (Holds ball) Ha, look at this fucking loser
Teacher: (In stands, as the crowd cheers) Go on, Wind. I believe in you
Player: (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses)
(Crowd boos)
Teacher: WIND, YOU SUCK
Player: Come on, dipshit, you can do better than that (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses again)
Dave: Damn. Wind is missing all the balls
John: Something my ex-wife is unable to do
Wind: (Misses next ball, and in a fit of rage, smashes the bat against the gate so hard, it snaps)
Player: Yeah, just cry home to mama, you little bitch
Dave: (Hears the player) … I think we have a bit of friendly competition
John: I couldn’t agree more
Cody: (Steps on the field)
Player: Ha, look at this fucking loser. You ready for this, you fucking loser
Cody: Bring it on, faggot. I can take anything you thr- (Ball hits Cody in the face and breaks his nose) YOU ASSHOLE, YOU BROKE MY FUCKING NOSE
Teacher: Hey, that’s bullshit (To ref) Do something about this
Ref: Well, I would, but, (Holds up stack of cash) I think the other teams have a better argument
Teacher: (Walks to Wind) Wind, I know I’m going to regret this, but… go violent
Wind: … Why? Losing this is more entertaining for you. You dragged me into this shit in the first place, so losing is much better
Teacher: Oh goddamn it… Wait, I got a perfect idea
Wind: (Steps on the field again)
Dave: Wind’s up to pitch again
John: Lets just hope he hits those balls
Dave: Please don’t talk about hitting balls. I had a bad experience with a prostitute last night
Player: Oh, hey, the little bitch is back up (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses)
Dave: And we’re back to where we left off
Player: Man, you’re a real fucking failure (Throws ball)
Wind: What the fuck did he just call me (Misses)
John: I swear, it’s almost as if Wind wants to lose
Player: That’s right, failure. Just fail at everything
Wind: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! I am the closest thing to a Jesus in this fucking generation. You fucking think I’m a failure
Player: Sure do, bitch (Throws ball)
Wind: (Hits ball so hard, it hits the player in the face)
Dave: Holy shit. I think I saw teeth flying
John: Fuck the teeth. I think I saw a bit of brain matter
Ref: That’s a foul
Wind: (Throws ball at the Ref’s face, knocking him unconscious)
Player 2: (Get on the field and throws ball, which Wind knocks back into his face)
Dave: Jesus fucking Christ. It’s a fucking massacre out there
John: And yet, it’s even more entertaining than what the people payed for
Dave: Seeing bigs of blood, bones, and a bit of flesh flying across the field is amazing to watch
John: I agree. It sure does make a change for when I see seaman flying in my bedroom when my ex-wife brought over other guys.
Player 3: Fuck this. I say we take matter into our own hands (All the baseball players pick up wooden bat, brass knuckles, crowbars, and other blunt weapons and run on the field)
Cody: (Stand on the field)
Player: (Throws ball)
Cody: (Hits ball, and runs)
Players: (Run at Cody with blunt weapons)
Cody: OH SHIT (Runs the opposite direction)
Wind: (Runs at the players and hits all of them in the face with a bat) Cody, run to the goddamn plate
Cody: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit (Runs)
Dave: I gotta tell you, this is a match for the ages
John: You said it Dave. I don’t think I’ve seen anything like it
Cody: (Runs through baseball diamond)
Players: (Picks up a sword and chases Cody)
Cody: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
Wind: (Runs over to Player and swings bat)
Player: (Blocks swing with sword)
Wind: (Keeps swinging bat)
Cody: (Runs to home plate)
Players: (Drives by in a army jeep, while another player fires at Cody with the machine gun on top)
Cody: OH WHAT THE FUCK
Dave: Is that… A Military Jeep
John: And they are just shooting at him with the machine gun. What the fuck?
Dave: I swear to god. Most of these players are going down faster than your ex-wife on another man
John: Too true, Dave. Too true
Wind: (Hits player with the sword over the head and brakes his skull, then runs at the jeep)
Cody: OH GOD, I’M GONNA FUCKING DIE
Wind: (Jumps through the jeeps window and lands in the backseat, with a sadistic grin) Hey there. How’s it going
Player: Oh shit
Wind: (Begins beating the players with a bat)
Dave: What do you think is going on inside that jeep
John: Well, I’ve seen my wife bangining guys in her car, so, I can tell you what’s NOT going on. And that is anal sex
Wind: (Jumps through jeep and runs to home plate)
Cody: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Wind: Who cares, just run
Players: (Comes by with assault rifles)
Cody: Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking shitting me
Wind: Don’t worry, I got this. Just run as fast as you can (Runs back as the players, as they shoot at Wind, but miss)
Wind: (Jumps out of the way of the bullets and hits one of the players in the face with the bat, then begins to beat the other ones)
Cody: (Reaches home plate)
Dave and John: HE’S SAFE
Cody: Oh god, I think I shit myself
Dave: And that is it. The game is over
John: This is a match that will go down in history as one of the most fucking craziest matches in history
Dave: Crazy, yes. But is was still fucking awesome
John: I couldn’t agree more
Teacher: Damn it, Wind. You caused total chaos and sent thirty players to the hospital.
Wind: But their all alive, aren’t they. And, I won, didn’t I
Teacher: (Sighs) Yes, you did
Wind: Good. By the way, let me know when the next baseball game is. This was real fun (Walks over to Cody) You okay
Cody: I shit my pants… I’ll just lie here until everyone leaves
Teacher: Because at the last ballgame, your so called “National Anthem” caused a full scale riot
Wind: Oh, it wasn’t that bad
Teacher: Forty-six people died
Wind: Oh… well that what they get for going to a ballgame
Teacher: Okay, the way I see it, you have two options. You can either play a game of baseball and win this school a victory, or you can spend a day with Austin over there
Austin: (Draws a penis on the board) HA HA HA HA!
Wind: I’ll play
Teacher: Your damn right you will
(That night)
Dave: Hello, Oxford. It is a beautiful day here at the Oxford High Schools Baseball Field. I’m your host, Dave Davidson
John: And John Johnson. And were here to give you the latest in high school baseball news
Dave: It still baffles me how people are this interested in high school baseball
John: Oxford is a dump. What do you expect?
Dave: Well, I hear Wind is going to be playing today
John: You mean the guy who started the riot at the last game
Dave: Yeah, he’s fucking nuts. Even though I totally respect him. And I’m not just saying that because I don’t wanna die
John: Same here
(Meanwhile, on the field)
Cody: Tell me again how you convinced me to join
Wind: I didn’t. You just showed up. And in uniform, too
Cody: So I did…. why?
Wind: (Stands on the field and holds bat in hand)
Player: (Holds ball) Ha, look at this fucking loser
Teacher: (In stands, as the crowd cheers) Go on, Wind. I believe in you
Player: (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses)
(Crowd boos)
Teacher: WIND, YOU SUCK
Player: Come on, dipshit, you can do better than that (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses again)
Dave: Damn. Wind is missing all the balls
John: Something my ex-wife is unable to do
Wind: (Misses next ball, and in a fit of rage, smashes the bat against the gate so hard, it snaps)
Player: Yeah, just cry home to mama, you little bitch
Dave: (Hears the player) … I think we have a bit of friendly competition
John: I couldn’t agree more
Cody: (Steps on the field)
Player: Ha, look at this fucking loser. You ready for this, you fucking loser
Cody: Bring it on, faggot. I can take anything you thr- (Ball hits Cody in the face and breaks his nose) YOU ASSHOLE, YOU BROKE MY FUCKING NOSE
Teacher: Hey, that’s bullshit (To ref) Do something about this
Ref: Well, I would, but, (Holds up stack of cash) I think the other teams have a better argument
Teacher: (Walks to Wind) Wind, I know I’m going to regret this, but… go violent
Wind: … Why? Losing this is more entertaining for you. You dragged me into this shit in the first place, so losing is much better
Teacher: Oh goddamn it… Wait, I got a perfect idea
Wind: (Steps on the field again)
Dave: Wind’s up to pitch again
John: Lets just hope he hits those balls
Dave: Please don’t talk about hitting balls. I had a bad experience with a prostitute last night
Player: Oh, hey, the little bitch is back up (Throws ball)
Wind: (Misses)
Dave: And we’re back to where we left off
Player: Man, you’re a real fucking failure (Throws ball)
Wind: What the fuck did he just call me (Misses)
John: I swear, it’s almost as if Wind wants to lose
Player: That’s right, failure. Just fail at everything
Wind: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! I am the closest thing to a Jesus in this fucking generation. You fucking think I’m a failure
Player: Sure do, bitch (Throws ball)
Wind: (Hits ball so hard, it hits the player in the face)
Dave: Holy shit. I think I saw teeth flying
John: Fuck the teeth. I think I saw a bit of brain matter
Ref: That’s a foul
Wind: (Throws ball at the Ref’s face, knocking him unconscious)
Player 2: (Get on the field and throws ball, which Wind knocks back into his face)
Dave: Jesus fucking Christ. It’s a fucking massacre out there
John: And yet, it’s even more entertaining than what the people payed for
Dave: Seeing bigs of blood, bones, and a bit of flesh flying across the field is amazing to watch
John: I agree. It sure does make a change for when I see seaman flying in my bedroom when my ex-wife brought over other guys.
Player 3: Fuck this. I say we take matter into our own hands (All the baseball players pick up wooden bat, brass knuckles, crowbars, and other blunt weapons and run on the field)
Cody: (Stand on the field)
Player: (Throws ball)
Cody: (Hits ball, and runs)
Players: (Run at Cody with blunt weapons)
Cody: OH SHIT (Runs the opposite direction)
Wind: (Runs at the players and hits all of them in the face with a bat) Cody, run to the goddamn plate
Cody: Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit (Runs)
Dave: I gotta tell you, this is a match for the ages
John: You said it Dave. I don’t think I’ve seen anything like it
Cody: (Runs through baseball diamond)
Players: (Picks up a sword and chases Cody)
Cody: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
Wind: (Runs over to Player and swings bat)
Player: (Blocks swing with sword)
Wind: (Keeps swinging bat)
Cody: (Runs to home plate)
Players: (Drives by in a army jeep, while another player fires at Cody with the machine gun on top)
Cody: OH WHAT THE FUCK
Dave: Is that… A Military Jeep
John: And they are just shooting at him with the machine gun. What the fuck?
Dave: I swear to god. Most of these players are going down faster than your ex-wife on another man
John: Too true, Dave. Too true
Wind: (Hits player with the sword over the head and brakes his skull, then runs at the jeep)
Cody: OH GOD, I’M GONNA FUCKING DIE
Wind: (Jumps through the jeeps window and lands in the backseat, with a sadistic grin) Hey there. How’s it going
Player: Oh shit
Wind: (Begins beating the players with a bat)
Dave: What do you think is going on inside that jeep
John: Well, I’ve seen my wife bangining guys in her car, so, I can tell you what’s NOT going on. And that is anal sex
Wind: (Jumps through jeep and runs to home plate)
Cody: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
Wind: Who cares, just run
Players: (Comes by with assault rifles)
Cody: Oh, you’ve gotta be fucking shitting me
Wind: Don’t worry, I got this. Just run as fast as you can (Runs back as the players, as they shoot at Wind, but miss)
Wind: (Jumps out of the way of the bullets and hits one of the players in the face with the bat, then begins to beat the other ones)
Cody: (Reaches home plate)
Dave and John: HE’S SAFE
Cody: Oh god, I think I shit myself
Dave: And that is it. The game is over
John: This is a match that will go down in history as one of the most fucking craziest matches in history
Dave: Crazy, yes. But is was still fucking awesome
John: I couldn’t agree more
Teacher: Damn it, Wind. You caused total chaos and sent thirty players to the hospital.
Wind: But their all alive, aren’t they. And, I won, didn’t I
Teacher: (Sighs) Yes, you did
Wind: Good. By the way, let me know when the next baseball game is. This was real fun (Walks over to Cody) You okay
Cody: I shit my pants… I’ll just lie here until everyone leaves
#1: THE RING:
If you seen the trailer.. Your think it's just stupid movie.. But appearently it's actually a very smart movie.. I never seen it, so not certain.
#2: INSIDIOUS:
Jump scares done "right".
#3: THE GIFT:
I can't explain anything without spoiling it.
But basically Jason Bateman are dealing with an old friend, that's basically the standard creepy neighbour, being way too nice.. But the end you would not see coming..
#4: PLAY MISTY FOR ME:
A 1971 film where a guy gets stalked by a emotionally disturbed young woman, who gets way too close than he likes..
#5: ONE HOUR PHOTO:
Everyday we meet helpful strangers at the grocery store, the gas station, and the bank. Most of them are just employees doing a job with a smile on their face, moving from one customer to the next, but sometimes they can take an unhealthy obsession with our personal lives..
If you seen the trailer.. Your think it's just stupid movie.. But appearently it's actually a very smart movie.. I never seen it, so not certain.
#2: INSIDIOUS:
Jump scares done "right".
#3: THE GIFT:
I can't explain anything without spoiling it.
But basically Jason Bateman are dealing with an old friend, that's basically the standard creepy neighbour, being way too nice.. But the end you would not see coming..
#4: PLAY MISTY FOR ME:
A 1971 film where a guy gets stalked by a emotionally disturbed young woman, who gets way too close than he likes..
#5: ONE HOUR PHOTO:
Everyday we meet helpful strangers at the grocery store, the gas station, and the bank. Most of them are just employees doing a job with a smile on their face, moving from one customer to the next, but sometimes they can take an unhealthy obsession with our personal lives..