Let’s talk about the media- They suck. Okay, that was fun. Lets talk about video game controversy. This is when a game as something that is so violent and disturbing, that the media will begin talking about, and cause a widespread uproar. However, most video game controversies are just…. insanely stupid. So, this is the list for the stupidest video game controversies ever.
#10: Violence from Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Atari - Now, I’m sure all of you horror fans out there have seen or at least heard of the 1974 horror movie classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So, it’s no doubt that a game was made about it on the Atari 2600. However, the game was…. not as good as we expected. The game had you play as Leatherface as he went around and murdered everyone around him. This was a very interesting thing at the time, as playing as the villain was never done in game at this point. No doubt, this angered a lot of people, saying the game was too violent for kids, to which I reply with “HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING SEEN THE GRAPHICS” The graphics alone are enough to show how this game isn’t that violent. Not to mention, there is no hacking off limbs, no blood, just the victim falling down as flat as a pancake. However, this is only the first of the many dumb controversies.
#9: Misunderstanding Murder from Night Trap - Have you ever heard of Night Trap? No? Good, because it’s terrible. Anyway, the whole point of the game is to flip through security cameras and look for enemies… Holy crap, Night Trap did the whole security camera thing years before Five Night’s At Freddy’s. You have to watch and protect the girls inside the house while catching a bunch of guys in black suits. However, one scene shows a girl getting drilled in the neck as the guys drag her out of the room and kill her. When this was found, the public began to say that Night Trap was a murder simulator. However, if they actually payed attention, they would know that this was a game over screen, and that the player is being punished for letting this happen. The only controversy here is that Night Trap was a goddamn disaster.
#8: PETA and Killing Rats from Battlefield 3 - So, when Battlefield 3 came out, it was going to be something that blew Call of Duty out of the water- IT’S ANOTHER BLAND FPS! Anyway, there is one part of the game where you have to crawl through a tunnel, and occasionally pass rats, which can be killed. And who better to complain about this than the ever so annoying PETA. When PETA found out, they said that Battlefield 3 was promoting animal cruelty. First off, this is just one part of the entire game that is never seen again. Secondly, killing them is optional. And third, you know that rats killed thousands of people with the Black Plague, right. If anything, we have a right to kill them. It just goes to show, PETA is fucking annoying.
#7: Middle Finger from Left 4 Dead 2 - So, when the Left 4 Dead 2 game came out, people were more than excited. They then finally got their hands on the game, but, they soon noticed something that wasn’t right about the cover. Sure enough, controversy spread across the world due to the cover. Now, some might say that the torn off thumb would have been the problem... right? Well, no. In some countries, they didn’t mind the rotting hand that was falling to pieces. What pissed these people off was the fact that is showed a middle finger. And that is why they wanted the box art changed. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! You want to change the box art all because a part of the hand just looks inappropriate for you. Trust me, it gets worse from here on out.
#6: Hot Coffee from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - Now, this here shows how controversy is a gigantic waste of time. There was something found in the games database that was removed from the final project, however, when the game was hacked, we were able to find CJ having intercourse with his girlfriend in a mini game known as Hot Coffee. This soon caused government officials EVERYWHERE to try and attack Rockstar for this one thing found in the game. Of course, let me remind you that Rockstar removed this from the game, so this kind of shit wouldn’t happen. This Hot Coffee mod was only found due to hacking. And, after years (Yes, YEARS) of this going on, the court finally decided that this was just a waste of time. And it only took them years of pointless arguing to figure it out. This also lead to Rockstar falling into a hole that no doubt would be hard to climb out of. This is why people hate hackers.
#5: Homosexuality from Mass Effect - Now, everyone knows Mass Effect. It’s become an extremely popular game. However, with popularity comes the massive chance of getting controversy. That is where the sex scenes with male Shepard and another male. Now, even though this sex scene isn’t as popular with controversy as other ones, this one is even stupider. So, when Shepard and another man have intercourse, it pissed off the media, saying how it was wrong to show this in a video game. Oh, okay, so what you’re saying is that we should only have straight people in video games and not have homosexuals? We should just take all homosexuals out of video games, and never talk about them. Next, we should also remove black people, women, and atheists, that way, only a bunch of white male Christians are in video games. Wow, what a great thing to tell me. Thanks Media Hitler for showing me that homosexuality in video games is a sin.
#4: Bullying from Bully - Oh, Jack Thompson…. Who even likes you? So, when Jack realised that his complaints about Grand Theft Auto weren’t getting to anyone, who moved on to the next game he could try to badly cripple. And that game was Bully- Wait, what? Yeah, he wanted to get rid of the closest thing Rockstar had to a younger audience. He said that Bully did nothing more than to promote bullying. However, all this controversy seemed to prove was that Jack Thompson would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to get Rockstar out of business. Spoiler, he failed.
#3: No Russian from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - Now, it’s no doubt that No Russian is one of the most disturbing levels in video games. You have to gun down innocent civilians in an airport which ends in your death. However, this also caused the stupidest bunch of controversy that Call of Duty has ever gotten. People began saying that this shows that Call of Duty is nothing more than a murder simulator and that it shows how kids can be turned into murderers. But here’s the thing… YOU CAN SKIP IT! You are warned before the mission starts that this mission is disturbing, and you can skip it. And you get no penalties for it. You also don’t have to kill any civilians to get past the level. You are even killed at the end, which should justify what happened. And yet, people still claim that this is a murder simulator. JUST SKIP THE FUCKING MISSION, FOR FUCKS SAKE!
#2: Adoption Joke from Portal 2 - Okay….. You want to know how stupid FOX News is? Well, here you go. This controversy here shows just how stupid they REALLY are. In Portal, Wheatley, the main villain, makes fun of the protagonist by calling her an orphan, and only says that she has no parents. Now, normal people would just pass this off as a joke and showing how much the villain hates the protagonist. Idiots like FOX, however, would use this as an opportunity to get controversy. The father who saw his adopted daughter play the game was mildly (Yes, MILDLY) Annoyed turned off the game, but FOX actually wanted him to play the game. His adopted daughter never even hinted that she was adopted until FOX News stepped in and asked them. So, not only is FOX News a bunch of idiots, they're also a bunch of cunts. They also blame Sony for the game because Portal 2 was played on a PS3… even though Valve made the game, but, it’s FOX. They're fucking idiots.
#1: Video Games Cause Violence - Okay… FUX News… that’s what you guys are, a bunch of fucks…. You are saying that video games cause violence… you are saying that all the crimes that happen, have happened, and will happen are all caused by video games? …. You are saying that is is because of video games that we have things such as crime, disease, and dictatorships? …. In other words, you are saying that videogames are the spawn of the devil…… NO! FUCK NO! NO! THAT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY FUCKING LIFE! First off, all of these crimes are committed by people who wanted to commit them. They were never told by a video game to go and kill people. Video games are not responsible for any crimes committed. Secondly, the people who commit the crimes are sometimes mentally insane. Remember the Columbine Shooting, where two high school kids walked into their school and killed their classmates. Yeah, people said that video games were to blame. Even though the kids psychiatrist even stated that they were mentally insane. Third, video games are always the first thing to blame when violence pops up. The criminal who committed the crime is never blamed, NO, we just blame video games because no one gives a shit that the guy killed is ex because she cheated on him. It’s all the violent video games fault. Fourth, because stupid shit like this has been in the media for so long, people will look at anything in a game, and say it is violent. You can’t jump on Goombas in Super Mario Bros. or catch a Chocobo in Final Fantasy anymore without some asshole from the news saying it’s violence. And finally, and this is the big one, people have said that video games have ALWAYS, since the beginning of time, been the cause of violence. Yeah, in other words, the Yung Warfare in 1260 started all because they one kept beating the other in Goldeneye, The Lushan Rebellion in 755 was caused because they couldn’t get the high score in Tetris, and World War 2 started so they could see who could play as Ryu in Street Fighter. In other words, OPEN UP A FUCKING HISTORY BOOK ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE, MEDIA! VIDEO GAMES DON’T CAUSE FUCKING VIOLENCE!
So, there you have it. Enjoy the list? Don’t care, I’m too angry. I’ll see you all next time.
#10: Violence from Texas Chainsaw Massacre on Atari - Now, I’m sure all of you horror fans out there have seen or at least heard of the 1974 horror movie classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. So, it’s no doubt that a game was made about it on the Atari 2600. However, the game was…. not as good as we expected. The game had you play as Leatherface as he went around and murdered everyone around him. This was a very interesting thing at the time, as playing as the villain was never done in game at this point. No doubt, this angered a lot of people, saying the game was too violent for kids, to which I reply with “HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING SEEN THE GRAPHICS” The graphics alone are enough to show how this game isn’t that violent. Not to mention, there is no hacking off limbs, no blood, just the victim falling down as flat as a pancake. However, this is only the first of the many dumb controversies.
#9: Misunderstanding Murder from Night Trap - Have you ever heard of Night Trap? No? Good, because it’s terrible. Anyway, the whole point of the game is to flip through security cameras and look for enemies… Holy crap, Night Trap did the whole security camera thing years before Five Night’s At Freddy’s. You have to watch and protect the girls inside the house while catching a bunch of guys in black suits. However, one scene shows a girl getting drilled in the neck as the guys drag her out of the room and kill her. When this was found, the public began to say that Night Trap was a murder simulator. However, if they actually payed attention, they would know that this was a game over screen, and that the player is being punished for letting this happen. The only controversy here is that Night Trap was a goddamn disaster.
#8: PETA and Killing Rats from Battlefield 3 - So, when Battlefield 3 came out, it was going to be something that blew Call of Duty out of the water- IT’S ANOTHER BLAND FPS! Anyway, there is one part of the game where you have to crawl through a tunnel, and occasionally pass rats, which can be killed. And who better to complain about this than the ever so annoying PETA. When PETA found out, they said that Battlefield 3 was promoting animal cruelty. First off, this is just one part of the entire game that is never seen again. Secondly, killing them is optional. And third, you know that rats killed thousands of people with the Black Plague, right. If anything, we have a right to kill them. It just goes to show, PETA is fucking annoying.
#7: Middle Finger from Left 4 Dead 2 - So, when the Left 4 Dead 2 game came out, people were more than excited. They then finally got their hands on the game, but, they soon noticed something that wasn’t right about the cover. Sure enough, controversy spread across the world due to the cover. Now, some might say that the torn off thumb would have been the problem... right? Well, no. In some countries, they didn’t mind the rotting hand that was falling to pieces. What pissed these people off was the fact that is showed a middle finger. And that is why they wanted the box art changed. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS! You want to change the box art all because a part of the hand just looks inappropriate for you. Trust me, it gets worse from here on out.
#6: Hot Coffee from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - Now, this here shows how controversy is a gigantic waste of time. There was something found in the games database that was removed from the final project, however, when the game was hacked, we were able to find CJ having intercourse with his girlfriend in a mini game known as Hot Coffee. This soon caused government officials EVERYWHERE to try and attack Rockstar for this one thing found in the game. Of course, let me remind you that Rockstar removed this from the game, so this kind of shit wouldn’t happen. This Hot Coffee mod was only found due to hacking. And, after years (Yes, YEARS) of this going on, the court finally decided that this was just a waste of time. And it only took them years of pointless arguing to figure it out. This also lead to Rockstar falling into a hole that no doubt would be hard to climb out of. This is why people hate hackers.
#5: Homosexuality from Mass Effect - Now, everyone knows Mass Effect. It’s become an extremely popular game. However, with popularity comes the massive chance of getting controversy. That is where the sex scenes with male Shepard and another male. Now, even though this sex scene isn’t as popular with controversy as other ones, this one is even stupider. So, when Shepard and another man have intercourse, it pissed off the media, saying how it was wrong to show this in a video game. Oh, okay, so what you’re saying is that we should only have straight people in video games and not have homosexuals? We should just take all homosexuals out of video games, and never talk about them. Next, we should also remove black people, women, and atheists, that way, only a bunch of white male Christians are in video games. Wow, what a great thing to tell me. Thanks Media Hitler for showing me that homosexuality in video games is a sin.
#4: Bullying from Bully - Oh, Jack Thompson…. Who even likes you? So, when Jack realised that his complaints about Grand Theft Auto weren’t getting to anyone, who moved on to the next game he could try to badly cripple. And that game was Bully- Wait, what? Yeah, he wanted to get rid of the closest thing Rockstar had to a younger audience. He said that Bully did nothing more than to promote bullying. However, all this controversy seemed to prove was that Jack Thompson would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to get Rockstar out of business. Spoiler, he failed.
#3: No Russian from Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - Now, it’s no doubt that No Russian is one of the most disturbing levels in video games. You have to gun down innocent civilians in an airport which ends in your death. However, this also caused the stupidest bunch of controversy that Call of Duty has ever gotten. People began saying that this shows that Call of Duty is nothing more than a murder simulator and that it shows how kids can be turned into murderers. But here’s the thing… YOU CAN SKIP IT! You are warned before the mission starts that this mission is disturbing, and you can skip it. And you get no penalties for it. You also don’t have to kill any civilians to get past the level. You are even killed at the end, which should justify what happened. And yet, people still claim that this is a murder simulator. JUST SKIP THE FUCKING MISSION, FOR FUCKS SAKE!
#2: Adoption Joke from Portal 2 - Okay….. You want to know how stupid FOX News is? Well, here you go. This controversy here shows just how stupid they REALLY are. In Portal, Wheatley, the main villain, makes fun of the protagonist by calling her an orphan, and only says that she has no parents. Now, normal people would just pass this off as a joke and showing how much the villain hates the protagonist. Idiots like FOX, however, would use this as an opportunity to get controversy. The father who saw his adopted daughter play the game was mildly (Yes, MILDLY) Annoyed turned off the game, but FOX actually wanted him to play the game. His adopted daughter never even hinted that she was adopted until FOX News stepped in and asked them. So, not only is FOX News a bunch of idiots, they're also a bunch of cunts. They also blame Sony for the game because Portal 2 was played on a PS3… even though Valve made the game, but, it’s FOX. They're fucking idiots.
#1: Video Games Cause Violence - Okay… FUX News… that’s what you guys are, a bunch of fucks…. You are saying that video games cause violence… you are saying that all the crimes that happen, have happened, and will happen are all caused by video games? …. You are saying that is is because of video games that we have things such as crime, disease, and dictatorships? …. In other words, you are saying that videogames are the spawn of the devil…… NO! FUCK NO! NO! THAT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY FUCKING LIFE! First off, all of these crimes are committed by people who wanted to commit them. They were never told by a video game to go and kill people. Video games are not responsible for any crimes committed. Secondly, the people who commit the crimes are sometimes mentally insane. Remember the Columbine Shooting, where two high school kids walked into their school and killed their classmates. Yeah, people said that video games were to blame. Even though the kids psychiatrist even stated that they were mentally insane. Third, video games are always the first thing to blame when violence pops up. The criminal who committed the crime is never blamed, NO, we just blame video games because no one gives a shit that the guy killed is ex because she cheated on him. It’s all the violent video games fault. Fourth, because stupid shit like this has been in the media for so long, people will look at anything in a game, and say it is violent. You can’t jump on Goombas in Super Mario Bros. or catch a Chocobo in Final Fantasy anymore without some asshole from the news saying it’s violence. And finally, and this is the big one, people have said that video games have ALWAYS, since the beginning of time, been the cause of violence. Yeah, in other words, the Yung Warfare in 1260 started all because they one kept beating the other in Goldeneye, The Lushan Rebellion in 755 was caused because they couldn’t get the high score in Tetris, and World War 2 started so they could see who could play as Ryu in Street Fighter. In other words, OPEN UP A FUCKING HISTORY BOOK ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE, MEDIA! VIDEO GAMES DON’T CAUSE FUCKING VIOLENCE!
So, there you have it. Enjoy the list? Don’t care, I’m too angry. I’ll see you all next time.