Now, everyone loves video games. They are made to as a way to entertain people…. Then there are the games that have no purpose other than to annoy the hell out of people. This is a thing people have come to know as video game cliches. This are things in games that are put into them CONSTANTLY, even though they have gotten very annoying. So, I want to talk about the cliches that piss me off the most. First off, these are going to be cliches that I have experienced. Also, there are going to be a cliches that you may actually like. Remember that this is my list, and not yours, so try to respect my opinion. And finally, I am going to avoid obvious choices. The water levels and the escort missions are all out, because we all know those would be obvious choices. Now, with all that said, lets start the list.
#10: Bosses with Minions - After going through a level, or dungeon, you make it to the final room, and here, you will get to fight a boss. Now, we all expect to fight a pretty cool boss. But, all our hopes are ruined when we realize we are fighting a boss that has minions to help him. The reason I find this cliche annoying is that is shows how much of a coward the boss is. All he will do is sit back, while his minions do all the fighting for him. He doesn’t even bother to lift a finger to help. And then, when you do kill all his minions and move onto him, he gets MORE! Some perfect examples of this cliche are Gohma from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Heinrich from Return to Castle Wolfenstein, and MOTHER FUCKING Alec Trevelyan from Goldeneye 007. What’s worse is that the boss won’t even stick around to fight. They’ll just run off, and let you fight the enemies yourself. I hate these boss fights. They suck. Same reason I hate so many bosses in games.
#9: Drowning - Now, I get why this is a thing. It’s meant to add reality to a game. But, you see, here’s the problem…. WHEN THE FUCK WAS ANY OF THE GAMES I’VE PLAYED HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH REALITY! What I hate about drowning is one of the reasons so many people hate water levels. You will always have to swim with some confusing as hell controls that completely change the game for you, and completely ruin every bit of fun you were having. Some perfect examples are from Conker’s Bad Fur Day, where not only is the amount of places where you can get air limited, but you have a air supply shorter than the attention span of a five-year-old with ADD in a bubble wrap factory. In Metal Gear Solid 2, the controls are beyond awful, and having the camera so close to Raiden makes navigating the place impossible. And in early Grand Theft Auto games, if you even set foot in a large body of water, you’re dead. No joke. Your guy is so weak against water of all things, he drowns just by touching it. What, is he the Wicked Witch of the West or something? All I can say is take drowning out of video games. I don’t care how real it is. Just because it’s real doesn’t make it good.
#8: Fedex Quests - Now, some of you may be asking what a fedex quest is. Well, it is a side quest in games where you are ordered to go around and deliver a bunch of pointless crap to a random civilian only to get a crappy reward for it. Yes, that is all that Fedex Quests are. You just deliver the stupidest crap to random people to help other random people and get very little in your reward. Some perfect examples are Ocarina of Time, where you have to take a random thing to a random person, so they can trade you a random thing for the random thing, and you give it to another random person over and over and OVER! In Infinite Undiscovery, you have to help a shopkeeper make three deliveries to three people, but the problem is that ALL THREE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE GODDAMN STORE! And Fable 3….. Almost EVERY side quest is a fucking Fedex Quest. I swear, if they wanted me to go around delivering shit, then they should make the game Mailman Simulation for fucks sake.
#7: Spamming Attacks - Now, when you reach the final boss in a fighting game, you have already learned a lot while fighting. You learned many grab attacks, combos, and counters, and you feel you are ready for anything… That is until the boss spams attacks until you are dead. When a boss is spamming attacks, he is basically throwing constant punches at you, not giving you a chance to block or dodge, and all you can do is just sit there and take it, no matter what you do. Some perfect examples are Azazel from Tekken 6, who will turn you into a human juggling performance, and before you can land on the ground, he will keep hitting you, no matter what. Galactus from Marvel VS Capcom 3 will constantly spam his laser attack until one of our characters are dead, and, if he uses his background laser attack, your fucked. And Shao Kahn… Do I even need to talk about fucking Shao Kahn, the master of spamming attacks? No, I don’t. I swear, if I play a new fighting game release, and the final boss is an annoying asshole that spams attacks, I’m going to smash my fucking TV.
#6: Collectathons - Now, don’t get me wrong. Collectathons have been done right before, like with Banjo Kazooie and Super Mario 64, but then there are the ones that are beyond terrible. Now, Collectathons are an event in which the player must collect a certain number of items in order to continue the game. Again, these can be done right if the game is fun while doing it. But, there are the ones that are SO annoying, that they make you want to scream in annoyance. Some perfect examples are the Triforce Shards from Legend of Zelda Wind Waker, which was only annoying due to Tingle constantly asking to be paid in order to move the game along. In Saints Row: The Third, you have to collect sex dolls, drugs, and money, but due to how boring exploring the city was, I just didn’t care for the idea. And Tak and the Power of Juju game had it even worse, where you had to collect ONE HUNDRED items to complete the game. I’m not fucking kidding. What’s worse is that Banjo Kazooie and Super Mario 64 came out before these games…. YOU’D THINK THEY WOULD HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THEM, RIGHT!?
#5: Wanted Levels - Now, every time you want to enjoy yourself in a game, you will soon find that that is impossible because of Wanted Levels. Now, I can respect cops in reality, but in video games, they can eat the biggest pile of fecal matter. Wanted Levels are a way to tell the player, “Sorry, you’re having too much fun. We got to call the Fun Police”. In Grand Theft Auto, when you get a Wanted Level, police will soon come after, and the more you fight back, the worse it gets. They can range from simple officers, to roadblocks, to the SWAT, to the FBI, to the fucking military. And in Saints Row 2, not only is the police a problem, but even gang members can have a Wanted Level, and they are just as bad as the cops are. And in Fable 2, no matter how many guards you kill, they will always come back, and if you kill plenty, they will be replaced with more powerful guards, and it will stay that way for the remainder of the game. Why is it that games try to keep me from having fun with this cliche?
#4: Invisible Walls/Small Barriers - Now, this is a tie between two equally annoying things in games. Invisible Walls are ways to tell you that you can not go this way and you got to turn back, but you can’t tell what is or isn’t an invisible wall, because it looks about the same as the game. Small Barriers are items that are in your way that look like they can be jumped over, but the game decides to not let you, because it seems that having an item waist high was the best way to keep someone from leaving. Fallout is a perfect example of invisible walls, as you will on second be exploring the wasteland, and before you know it, you’re at an invisible wall, and now you have to turn around. Fable: The Lost Chapters has plenty of places that look like you can explore them, but no, you can’t, because a barrel is just a bit too high for you to climb over. Here’s an idea. If you don’t want us walking into either of these, PUT A FUCKING WALL THERE! AN ACTUAL, NON-INVISIBLE WALL!
#3: Lazy Teammates - If you thought teamwork is the best way to get past anything, than your dead fucking wrong. Lazy Teammates are when your team says that they will do their best to help when a wave of enemies comes by, but instead, all they end up doing is stand around and let you do all the work. In Dynasty Warriors, Your army is always worried about being attacked… by one soldier. Maybe if they actually hit the guy, they would actually be able to kill him. In Halo, your teammates do little to no damage and drop like goddamn flies. Hell, they are easier to kill than Grunts in this game. And in any Call of Duty game, you are always asked to do some sort of task. Even though there are PLENTY of other guys right next to him. Seriously, you have a hundred soldiers, and yet you always insist on making me go? What the fuck. I swear, when the day comes where a video game teammate isn’t as useless as a rock, I think I’ll lose my mind.
#2: Mazes - I hate mazes. I FUCKING hate mazes. For those who don’t know (Like a good three of you out there) Mazes are when a game puts you in a large corridor with many other corridors, with one leading to the exit while all the others lead to a dead end. In Resident Evil 4, you are constantly being hunted down by wolves, which you have no clue when they’ll pop up behind the next corner and kill you. In Castlevania 64, you are being attacked by hundreds and hundreds of monsters, and thanks to the awful controls, you have no way of defending yourself in time. And Serious Sam 2…. OH GOD. You have to run through a maze with little ammo and hordes, and I mean hordes, of enemies. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, you have a time limit. And if you don’t complete the maze in time. You will die. Whoever keeps making mazes, STOP, if they aren’t fun in a children’s coloring book, they sure as hell aren’t fun in video games
#1: Dark Rooms - I hate dark rooms. I hate, hate, HATE dark rooms. Dark rooms are a way for the player to feel a bit worried, as they have no idea where to go, and are lost. No, that is what they creators WANT us to feel. What we DO feel IS COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING ANNOYANCE! All you end up doing is running into some random fucking wall, or running into some random fucking enemy, and get hit by them, all because you don’t have a light. Some prime awful examples are. In Halo 2, you are being surrounded by Flood in a dark room. This wouldn’t be a problem if you could FUCKING SEE! Any Halo player would know that the Flood come in swarms, so you NEED to see them, or you’ll die. But no, you have to fight them in the dark because fuck you. In Mortal Kombat 9, there is a mode called Dark Kombat, where you have to fight in the dark….WHO’S BRIGHT FUCKING IDEA WAS THAT!? In pretty much every horror game ever made, dark rooms are meant to be scary, but really, they are just annoying. I mean for fucks sake, just let me see where the fuck I can go. And Zelda on CD-i. Oh god. Other than being the worst game I have ever fucking played, if you don’t have lamp oil, you are stuck in a dark room, and are unable to see any traps or enemies, and you will die in seconds. Literally, SECONDS! Who ever thought it was a bright idea to have dark rooms is a jerk. Stop having dark rooms in games. Their fucking annoying.
So, there you have it. Did you enjoy the list? Tell me what you thought of it below. With that, I will see you all next time.
#10: Bosses with Minions - After going through a level, or dungeon, you make it to the final room, and here, you will get to fight a boss. Now, we all expect to fight a pretty cool boss. But, all our hopes are ruined when we realize we are fighting a boss that has minions to help him. The reason I find this cliche annoying is that is shows how much of a coward the boss is. All he will do is sit back, while his minions do all the fighting for him. He doesn’t even bother to lift a finger to help. And then, when you do kill all his minions and move onto him, he gets MORE! Some perfect examples of this cliche are Gohma from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, Heinrich from Return to Castle Wolfenstein, and MOTHER FUCKING Alec Trevelyan from Goldeneye 007. What’s worse is that the boss won’t even stick around to fight. They’ll just run off, and let you fight the enemies yourself. I hate these boss fights. They suck. Same reason I hate so many bosses in games.
#9: Drowning - Now, I get why this is a thing. It’s meant to add reality to a game. But, you see, here’s the problem…. WHEN THE FUCK WAS ANY OF THE GAMES I’VE PLAYED HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH REALITY! What I hate about drowning is one of the reasons so many people hate water levels. You will always have to swim with some confusing as hell controls that completely change the game for you, and completely ruin every bit of fun you were having. Some perfect examples are from Conker’s Bad Fur Day, where not only is the amount of places where you can get air limited, but you have a air supply shorter than the attention span of a five-year-old with ADD in a bubble wrap factory. In Metal Gear Solid 2, the controls are beyond awful, and having the camera so close to Raiden makes navigating the place impossible. And in early Grand Theft Auto games, if you even set foot in a large body of water, you’re dead. No joke. Your guy is so weak against water of all things, he drowns just by touching it. What, is he the Wicked Witch of the West or something? All I can say is take drowning out of video games. I don’t care how real it is. Just because it’s real doesn’t make it good.
#8: Fedex Quests - Now, some of you may be asking what a fedex quest is. Well, it is a side quest in games where you are ordered to go around and deliver a bunch of pointless crap to a random civilian only to get a crappy reward for it. Yes, that is all that Fedex Quests are. You just deliver the stupidest crap to random people to help other random people and get very little in your reward. Some perfect examples are Ocarina of Time, where you have to take a random thing to a random person, so they can trade you a random thing for the random thing, and you give it to another random person over and over and OVER! In Infinite Undiscovery, you have to help a shopkeeper make three deliveries to three people, but the problem is that ALL THREE PEOPLE ARE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE GODDAMN STORE! And Fable 3….. Almost EVERY side quest is a fucking Fedex Quest. I swear, if they wanted me to go around delivering shit, then they should make the game Mailman Simulation for fucks sake.
#7: Spamming Attacks - Now, when you reach the final boss in a fighting game, you have already learned a lot while fighting. You learned many grab attacks, combos, and counters, and you feel you are ready for anything… That is until the boss spams attacks until you are dead. When a boss is spamming attacks, he is basically throwing constant punches at you, not giving you a chance to block or dodge, and all you can do is just sit there and take it, no matter what you do. Some perfect examples are Azazel from Tekken 6, who will turn you into a human juggling performance, and before you can land on the ground, he will keep hitting you, no matter what. Galactus from Marvel VS Capcom 3 will constantly spam his laser attack until one of our characters are dead, and, if he uses his background laser attack, your fucked. And Shao Kahn… Do I even need to talk about fucking Shao Kahn, the master of spamming attacks? No, I don’t. I swear, if I play a new fighting game release, and the final boss is an annoying asshole that spams attacks, I’m going to smash my fucking TV.
#6: Collectathons - Now, don’t get me wrong. Collectathons have been done right before, like with Banjo Kazooie and Super Mario 64, but then there are the ones that are beyond terrible. Now, Collectathons are an event in which the player must collect a certain number of items in order to continue the game. Again, these can be done right if the game is fun while doing it. But, there are the ones that are SO annoying, that they make you want to scream in annoyance. Some perfect examples are the Triforce Shards from Legend of Zelda Wind Waker, which was only annoying due to Tingle constantly asking to be paid in order to move the game along. In Saints Row: The Third, you have to collect sex dolls, drugs, and money, but due to how boring exploring the city was, I just didn’t care for the idea. And Tak and the Power of Juju game had it even worse, where you had to collect ONE HUNDRED items to complete the game. I’m not fucking kidding. What’s worse is that Banjo Kazooie and Super Mario 64 came out before these games…. YOU’D THINK THEY WOULD HAVE LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THEM, RIGHT!?
#5: Wanted Levels - Now, every time you want to enjoy yourself in a game, you will soon find that that is impossible because of Wanted Levels. Now, I can respect cops in reality, but in video games, they can eat the biggest pile of fecal matter. Wanted Levels are a way to tell the player, “Sorry, you’re having too much fun. We got to call the Fun Police”. In Grand Theft Auto, when you get a Wanted Level, police will soon come after, and the more you fight back, the worse it gets. They can range from simple officers, to roadblocks, to the SWAT, to the FBI, to the fucking military. And in Saints Row 2, not only is the police a problem, but even gang members can have a Wanted Level, and they are just as bad as the cops are. And in Fable 2, no matter how many guards you kill, they will always come back, and if you kill plenty, they will be replaced with more powerful guards, and it will stay that way for the remainder of the game. Why is it that games try to keep me from having fun with this cliche?
#4: Invisible Walls/Small Barriers - Now, this is a tie between two equally annoying things in games. Invisible Walls are ways to tell you that you can not go this way and you got to turn back, but you can’t tell what is or isn’t an invisible wall, because it looks about the same as the game. Small Barriers are items that are in your way that look like they can be jumped over, but the game decides to not let you, because it seems that having an item waist high was the best way to keep someone from leaving. Fallout is a perfect example of invisible walls, as you will on second be exploring the wasteland, and before you know it, you’re at an invisible wall, and now you have to turn around. Fable: The Lost Chapters has plenty of places that look like you can explore them, but no, you can’t, because a barrel is just a bit too high for you to climb over. Here’s an idea. If you don’t want us walking into either of these, PUT A FUCKING WALL THERE! AN ACTUAL, NON-INVISIBLE WALL!
#3: Lazy Teammates - If you thought teamwork is the best way to get past anything, than your dead fucking wrong. Lazy Teammates are when your team says that they will do their best to help when a wave of enemies comes by, but instead, all they end up doing is stand around and let you do all the work. In Dynasty Warriors, Your army is always worried about being attacked… by one soldier. Maybe if they actually hit the guy, they would actually be able to kill him. In Halo, your teammates do little to no damage and drop like goddamn flies. Hell, they are easier to kill than Grunts in this game. And in any Call of Duty game, you are always asked to do some sort of task. Even though there are PLENTY of other guys right next to him. Seriously, you have a hundred soldiers, and yet you always insist on making me go? What the fuck. I swear, when the day comes where a video game teammate isn’t as useless as a rock, I think I’ll lose my mind.
#2: Mazes - I hate mazes. I FUCKING hate mazes. For those who don’t know (Like a good three of you out there) Mazes are when a game puts you in a large corridor with many other corridors, with one leading to the exit while all the others lead to a dead end. In Resident Evil 4, you are constantly being hunted down by wolves, which you have no clue when they’ll pop up behind the next corner and kill you. In Castlevania 64, you are being attacked by hundreds and hundreds of monsters, and thanks to the awful controls, you have no way of defending yourself in time. And Serious Sam 2…. OH GOD. You have to run through a maze with little ammo and hordes, and I mean hordes, of enemies. And, if that wasn’t bad enough, you have a time limit. And if you don’t complete the maze in time. You will die. Whoever keeps making mazes, STOP, if they aren’t fun in a children’s coloring book, they sure as hell aren’t fun in video games
#1: Dark Rooms - I hate dark rooms. I hate, hate, HATE dark rooms. Dark rooms are a way for the player to feel a bit worried, as they have no idea where to go, and are lost. No, that is what they creators WANT us to feel. What we DO feel IS COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING ANNOYANCE! All you end up doing is running into some random fucking wall, or running into some random fucking enemy, and get hit by them, all because you don’t have a light. Some prime awful examples are. In Halo 2, you are being surrounded by Flood in a dark room. This wouldn’t be a problem if you could FUCKING SEE! Any Halo player would know that the Flood come in swarms, so you NEED to see them, or you’ll die. But no, you have to fight them in the dark because fuck you. In Mortal Kombat 9, there is a mode called Dark Kombat, where you have to fight in the dark….WHO’S BRIGHT FUCKING IDEA WAS THAT!? In pretty much every horror game ever made, dark rooms are meant to be scary, but really, they are just annoying. I mean for fucks sake, just let me see where the fuck I can go. And Zelda on CD-i. Oh god. Other than being the worst game I have ever fucking played, if you don’t have lamp oil, you are stuck in a dark room, and are unable to see any traps or enemies, and you will die in seconds. Literally, SECONDS! Who ever thought it was a bright idea to have dark rooms is a jerk. Stop having dark rooms in games. Their fucking annoying.
So, there you have it. Did you enjoy the list? Tell me what you thought of it below. With that, I will see you all next time.