Animal Crossing: New Leaf Parody One Shot
Rover: (Walks over to Villager) Hello, my names Ro-
Villager: Don’t care
Rover: What’s your name
Villager: My name’s None-of-your-goddamn-business
Rover: Hmm. None-of-your-goddamn-business? What a great name
Villager: I fucking hate you already. I haven’t even gotten to the new town, and I already want to burn the place to the ground
Rover: So, are you moving
Villager: Do you ever shut the hell up
Rover: I ate paint chippings when I was three
Villager: Well, that explains a lot
Rover: …… You’ve ever eaten glass. It’s sharp, but it’s delicious.
Villager: I’m going to leave now. May you burn in a fire and die
Villager: Thank god, if I have to run into anymore annoying animals, I’m gonna-
Clyde: LOVE ME PLEASE
Gala: I’m gonna kill you in your sleep
Groucho: YOU’RE A HUMAN AND I FUCKING HATE YOU
Sparro: Hey, man, you got any hash or stuff
Velma: LOOK AT MY FUCKING HORNS
Villager: Oh, goddamn it. Why can’t I just fucking kill or assault these people legally
Isabelle: Hello
Villager: No, I don’t want to deal with anymore anthropomorphic animals
Isabelle: Oh, don’t worry. I’m perfectly calm unlike the others
Villager: How can I be sure
Isabelle: Because I have to live in this god forsaken town, and be surrounded by these psychopaths day in and day out. And I have to take medication to keep me from committing suicide.
Villager: Well thats a bit dark
Isabelle: Yes. Yes it is… also, the mayor is no longer with us (Whispers) He died after he took some drugs and thought he could fly (Out loud) So, it looks like you’re the new mayor.
Villager: Wait. So, I now have authority over everyone
Isabelle: That’s right
Villager: …… Oh, thank god
Isabelle: So, mayor, what are your first decisions
Villager: (Thinking)
Isabelle: Uh, mayor
Villager: What. Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of weather I should turn this place into a communist or fascist dictatorship. With Fascism, I can have all the power I want…. but with Communism, I can kill anyone who gets in my way… But, Fascism will make me a god… although, I won’t have to worry about genocide with Communism. I mean, genocide is a real bitch to the economy. What do you think, Isabelle
Isabelle: Oh, well… I think you should go with both
Villager: … A Facunism…. Isabelle, I love the way you think. If you weren’t literally a dog, I’d have sex with you on this desk
Isabelle: Oh…… that’s very, uh…. flattering of you, mayor
Villager: Oh, please. Call my Dictator
Isabelle: Oh… okay.
Tom Nook: (Whistles while he is working in his shop)
Villager: (Walks in)
Tom Nook: Oh, hello. You must be the-
Villager: Yeah, fuck you. I don’t care (Looks around shop, then starts taking things off the shelf)
Tom Nook: I see you have quite an ey-
Villager: Did I ask you to speak. Shut up (Takes everything off the shelf)
Tom Nook: Okay. That will be 740, 683 Bells.
Villager: What. I have to- …. Bells?
Tom Nook: Yeah, the currency is really weird.
Villager: Oh…. still, I don’t have that kind of money
Tom Nook: I’m sorry, sir. But, I can’t just give out these things for free. I am running a business after all
Villager: I see. How about, fuck you. I will take this stuff, no matter what
Tom Nook: Please, sir. I need all of these to make money. I have a family of six, and if I can’t support them, I will be in poverty
Villager: ……. Okay. Just say the words again, and I promise, you won’t live in poverty
Tom Nook: Oh, thank you (Clear throat). Please, could you pay for-
Villager: (Shoots him in the face) ….. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say you wouldn’t live in poverty. I meant you wouldn’t live period.
Blathers: Welcome to our museum. Please, take a look at our exhibits or air, space, and or latest exhibit. Jack-Fucking-Shit.
Villager: Well, I could help this place out. May give some culture to the idiots around here. How much does it pay
Blathers: Oh, no. We just take them off your hands for free
Villager: ………..
(Later)
Villager: (Watches as the museum burns to the ground) Wait… wasn’t someone in there… eh, I’m sure they’re fine
Blathers: (Runs out of the museum, on fire, then drops dead)
Resetti: HEY! Why did you reset the-
Villager: AH (Shoots Resetti in the face) Jesus. Fucking moles. Thats what you get for scaring me.
Booker: Hi
Villager: Yeah, I don’t like your voice, so… (Shoots him)
Villager: Okay, Isabelle. How are things going
Isabelle: Lets see. Your new propaganda poster has been finished, you have taxed the people to unfair amounts, your picture is in every home in the city, you have a large army of Not-Zs around the city, your mansion is the size of the Atlantic, you have sent all your enemies to be tortured to death, the entire raccoon population are in concentration camps, you have nuclear missiles pointed at every country nearby, and you are also the source for rage videos on Youtube.
Villager: Just like Adolf
Isabelle: Oh, and then theres the uprising.
Villager: The what?
Isabelle: The uprising. The entire town has finally gotten sick of your laws and ideas, so they are now on there way here to kill you
Villager: Oh, please. What can some brain dead villagers do.
Isabelle: If a bunch of crazy French peasants can do it during the French Revolution, I’m sure they can… and they LOVE murder. Also, they are already passed the perimeter.
Villager: Oh, come on (Looks out window to see an army of angry villagers coming to the building) Well, fuck. Well, don’t just stand there. Think of something
Isabelle: Well, its a long shot, but… (Takes out two arsenic tablets)
Villager: Oh, I see. I was just gonna fake a heart attack like Stalin, but this works to
Isabelle: Now, hurry up, because I did just set off the self destruction, and this place will blow up soon
Villager: Wait, what (Villagers begin to try and break down the door)
(After a while, the building explodes, and the villagers find two burnt bodies)
(Later, on the Tropical Island)
Villager: (Relaxing on beach with Isabelle) Ha. That idea was fucking amazing. I should screw your brains out for that, Isabelle. But I’m not a furry, so, a seashell will have to do.
Isabelle: Thank you, Mayor. It was really hard to get two guys who would actually want to take poisonous pills and let their bodies be burnt to a crisp just so we can escape.
Villager: Oh, well… I just wonder who the new mayor will be
(Meanwhile, in the city)
Mayor Trotomire: And on this day forth, I became mayor of this wonderful town and I plan to bring this town to its rightful glo- Oops, I just pooped myself.
THE END…. Kinda… I may do more… If I feel like it
Rover: (Walks over to Villager) Hello, my names Ro-
Villager: Don’t care
Rover: What’s your name
Villager: My name’s None-of-your-goddamn-business
Rover: Hmm. None-of-your-goddamn-business? What a great name
Villager: I fucking hate you already. I haven’t even gotten to the new town, and I already want to burn the place to the ground
Rover: So, are you moving
Villager: Do you ever shut the hell up
Rover: I ate paint chippings when I was three
Villager: Well, that explains a lot
Rover: …… You’ve ever eaten glass. It’s sharp, but it’s delicious.
Villager: I’m going to leave now. May you burn in a fire and die
Villager: Thank god, if I have to run into anymore annoying animals, I’m gonna-
Clyde: LOVE ME PLEASE
Gala: I’m gonna kill you in your sleep
Groucho: YOU’RE A HUMAN AND I FUCKING HATE YOU
Sparro: Hey, man, you got any hash or stuff
Velma: LOOK AT MY FUCKING HORNS
Villager: Oh, goddamn it. Why can’t I just fucking kill or assault these people legally
Isabelle: Hello
Villager: No, I don’t want to deal with anymore anthropomorphic animals
Isabelle: Oh, don’t worry. I’m perfectly calm unlike the others
Villager: How can I be sure
Isabelle: Because I have to live in this god forsaken town, and be surrounded by these psychopaths day in and day out. And I have to take medication to keep me from committing suicide.
Villager: Well thats a bit dark
Isabelle: Yes. Yes it is… also, the mayor is no longer with us (Whispers) He died after he took some drugs and thought he could fly (Out loud) So, it looks like you’re the new mayor.
Villager: Wait. So, I now have authority over everyone
Isabelle: That’s right
Villager: …… Oh, thank god
Isabelle: So, mayor, what are your first decisions
Villager: (Thinking)
Isabelle: Uh, mayor
Villager: What. Oh, sorry. I was just thinking of weather I should turn this place into a communist or fascist dictatorship. With Fascism, I can have all the power I want…. but with Communism, I can kill anyone who gets in my way… But, Fascism will make me a god… although, I won’t have to worry about genocide with Communism. I mean, genocide is a real bitch to the economy. What do you think, Isabelle
Isabelle: Oh, well… I think you should go with both
Villager: … A Facunism…. Isabelle, I love the way you think. If you weren’t literally a dog, I’d have sex with you on this desk
Isabelle: Oh…… that’s very, uh…. flattering of you, mayor
Villager: Oh, please. Call my Dictator
Isabelle: Oh… okay.
Tom Nook: (Whistles while he is working in his shop)
Villager: (Walks in)
Tom Nook: Oh, hello. You must be the-
Villager: Yeah, fuck you. I don’t care (Looks around shop, then starts taking things off the shelf)
Tom Nook: I see you have quite an ey-
Villager: Did I ask you to speak. Shut up (Takes everything off the shelf)
Tom Nook: Okay. That will be 740, 683 Bells.
Villager: What. I have to- …. Bells?
Tom Nook: Yeah, the currency is really weird.
Villager: Oh…. still, I don’t have that kind of money
Tom Nook: I’m sorry, sir. But, I can’t just give out these things for free. I am running a business after all
Villager: I see. How about, fuck you. I will take this stuff, no matter what
Tom Nook: Please, sir. I need all of these to make money. I have a family of six, and if I can’t support them, I will be in poverty
Villager: ……. Okay. Just say the words again, and I promise, you won’t live in poverty
Tom Nook: Oh, thank you (Clear throat). Please, could you pay for-
Villager: (Shoots him in the face) ….. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say you wouldn’t live in poverty. I meant you wouldn’t live period.
Blathers: Welcome to our museum. Please, take a look at our exhibits or air, space, and or latest exhibit. Jack-Fucking-Shit.
Villager: Well, I could help this place out. May give some culture to the idiots around here. How much does it pay
Blathers: Oh, no. We just take them off your hands for free
Villager: ………..
(Later)
Villager: (Watches as the museum burns to the ground) Wait… wasn’t someone in there… eh, I’m sure they’re fine
Blathers: (Runs out of the museum, on fire, then drops dead)
Resetti: HEY! Why did you reset the-
Villager: AH (Shoots Resetti in the face) Jesus. Fucking moles. Thats what you get for scaring me.
Booker: Hi
Villager: Yeah, I don’t like your voice, so… (Shoots him)
Villager: Okay, Isabelle. How are things going
Isabelle: Lets see. Your new propaganda poster has been finished, you have taxed the people to unfair amounts, your picture is in every home in the city, you have a large army of Not-Zs around the city, your mansion is the size of the Atlantic, you have sent all your enemies to be tortured to death, the entire raccoon population are in concentration camps, you have nuclear missiles pointed at every country nearby, and you are also the source for rage videos on Youtube.
Villager: Just like Adolf
Isabelle: Oh, and then theres the uprising.
Villager: The what?
Isabelle: The uprising. The entire town has finally gotten sick of your laws and ideas, so they are now on there way here to kill you
Villager: Oh, please. What can some brain dead villagers do.
Isabelle: If a bunch of crazy French peasants can do it during the French Revolution, I’m sure they can… and they LOVE murder. Also, they are already passed the perimeter.
Villager: Oh, come on (Looks out window to see an army of angry villagers coming to the building) Well, fuck. Well, don’t just stand there. Think of something
Isabelle: Well, its a long shot, but… (Takes out two arsenic tablets)
Villager: Oh, I see. I was just gonna fake a heart attack like Stalin, but this works to
Isabelle: Now, hurry up, because I did just set off the self destruction, and this place will blow up soon
Villager: Wait, what (Villagers begin to try and break down the door)
(After a while, the building explodes, and the villagers find two burnt bodies)
(Later, on the Tropical Island)
Villager: (Relaxing on beach with Isabelle) Ha. That idea was fucking amazing. I should screw your brains out for that, Isabelle. But I’m not a furry, so, a seashell will have to do.
Isabelle: Thank you, Mayor. It was really hard to get two guys who would actually want to take poisonous pills and let their bodies be burnt to a crisp just so we can escape.
Villager: Oh, well… I just wonder who the new mayor will be
(Meanwhile, in the city)
Mayor Trotomire: And on this day forth, I became mayor of this wonderful town and I plan to bring this town to its rightful glo- Oops, I just pooped myself.
THE END…. Kinda… I may do more… If I feel like it