Hello, everyone. Now, there are a lot of enemies in video games. Some fun, some hard, some FUCKING ANNOYING (Which I already touched upon) And then there are the ones that are so pathetic, they make you just say to yourself, "Why....". So, here are the top ten enemies I find to be the most pathetic. First, only games I play and only one per franchise. Now, lets begin
#10: Goomba from Super Mario Bros. - First off is the most iconic enemy in video games, but also one of the most pathetic. Seriously, they just walk back and forth. Thats... it. That's there so called attack pattern. Hell, half the time, they will just walk off the ledge and kill themselves. They are so pathetic, that they would rather fall to their death then get crushed by Mario's fatass.... Actually, I can't really blame them.
#9: Genome Soldiers from Metal Gear Solid - Now, sure, when these guys see you, they are pretty tough, but, really fun when the story allows it... However, they are just a bunch of idiots. You can actually fool them just by hiding under a box, you can distract them with porn magazines, they are always sleeping on the job, they will forget about you, even after you have killed god knows how many of their comrades, and, they can be scared off by bees... Ladies and gentlemen, the soldiers that protect a deadly war criminal can be scared off by fucking bees... Man, what are the Nazi's scared of? Cockroaches... Speaking of Cockroaches...
#8: Radroaches from Fallout - What's worse than a cockroach? How about a cockroach that is the size of a fucking housecat. Yeah, pretty scary, right... or, at least it would be if the Radroaches were threatening. But, really, all they do is hiss at you. Hell, unlike the other enemies, they won't go out of their way to attack you. Only if you attack them will they fight back. But, it isn't that bad, because, you can easily beat them with your fists. So, just save your bullets for something worse.
#7: Minions from League of Legends - Now, how are these guys pathetic. Well, other than looking like a Spyro enemy from the Playstation 1 era, they're stupid... like, REALLY stupid. I mean, you could walk into a bush, right in their line of sight, and they will have no idea where you went. Of course, they are also weak, but, they also drop lots of gold when they die. Sure, this is an MMO, so, enemies dropping stuff is common, but, seriously, would you really give gold-GOLD, which is rare material that can make you rich- to THESE guys? No? Didn't think so.
#6: Hobbes from Fable 2 - So, if Balverines are the most annoying enemy in the franchise, then Hobbes are on the opposite side of the spectrum. Sure, I could have chosen the Beetles or the Wasps, but, at least they don't back away from a fight. The Hobbes, however, a complete idiots, and not to mention, once you kill enough of them, they will then run away from you, and then trip on their own feet. Yeah, they are that stupid.
#5: Headcrab Zombies from Half-Life 2 - Now, when your enemy is both easy to kill and stupid enough to kill themselves, that kinda sums up how pathetic they are. The Headcrab Zombies are so easy, all you need to beat them is five hits to the skull with a crowbar. And they aren't even that hard to dodge. The Fast Headcrab Zombies are pretty challenging, and the Poison Headcrab Zombies are.. well... (God, these FUCKING ZOMBIES) You get the idea. But, thats not all. The Headcrab Zombies can actually walk into traps, even when it RIGHT THERE in there face, they don't care. They just walk into it. Yeah, they suck so much, they kill themselves. It's sad, really
#4: Magikarp from Pokemon - Oh man, all Pokemon fans know how pathetic Magikarp is. Hell, he is even pathetic in the Pokemon anime. Even they know he sucks. I am not sure if the creators made him as a joke or if he was made crappy on accident, but, it doesn't matter. He still sucks. One of his attacks does one point of damage, and his other attack does jack shit. Hell, even the announcer in Pokemon Colosseum for the N64 points out that the attack sucks. But, what keeps him out of the Top 3 is that he turns into a FUCKING GERIDOS!
#3: Grunts from Halo - Now, this is an enemy that, once you kill enough, they run away in fear... wait, an enemy that runs in fear. Kinda like the Hobbes. Man, XBox exclusive games really have a trend to have pathetic enemies with the same traits. Anyway, the reason Grunts are higher then Hobbes is because, in Fable 1, Hobbes didn't run away until later games, like Fable 1 and 2. Grunts, however, have been wusses since day one of Halo's release, and they still are today. You can even see them shaking in fear when you are attacking. It kinda makes me feel bad for killing them... Oh well.
#2: Opposing Army from Dynasty Warriors - Now, when you think of having to fight an army of soldiers, you think your in for a challenge... right? Well, no. Honestly, all these guys do is wait for a chance to attack.. and with a game like Dynasty Warriors, where you have dozens of flashy and awesome attacks, are you really going to let the enemy land a strike... Yeah, I thought it would be no. Seriously, you could easily mow these enemies down as if you were a tank. They are that easy. But, your army is kinda the same... Oh well, give you more enemies to kill.
#1: Morth from Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker - Who would have thought my most favorite game of all time would have the most pathetic enemy. Well, anyway, Morths are the children of the enemy, Mothula, which are pretty tough. So, you'd expect their children to be tough too, right... WRONG! So, what is their attack. To latch onto you, and.... That's it. They don't suck your energy, they don't steal your magic, they don't do anything except weigh you down. Some may argue that they are made to keep you slow so you can't hit enemies, but the thing is, they are mostly around when there are no enemies, so, really, all Morths do are make you slow... Wow. Also, they die in one hit, so, that kinda sums it up. These are easily the most pathetic enemies in video game history. Hands down.
So, there is my list. Do you agree with it? Tell me below. With that, I will see you all next time
#10: Goomba from Super Mario Bros. - First off is the most iconic enemy in video games, but also one of the most pathetic. Seriously, they just walk back and forth. Thats... it. That's there so called attack pattern. Hell, half the time, they will just walk off the ledge and kill themselves. They are so pathetic, that they would rather fall to their death then get crushed by Mario's fatass.... Actually, I can't really blame them.
#9: Genome Soldiers from Metal Gear Solid - Now, sure, when these guys see you, they are pretty tough, but, really fun when the story allows it... However, they are just a bunch of idiots. You can actually fool them just by hiding under a box, you can distract them with porn magazines, they are always sleeping on the job, they will forget about you, even after you have killed god knows how many of their comrades, and, they can be scared off by bees... Ladies and gentlemen, the soldiers that protect a deadly war criminal can be scared off by fucking bees... Man, what are the Nazi's scared of? Cockroaches... Speaking of Cockroaches...
#8: Radroaches from Fallout - What's worse than a cockroach? How about a cockroach that is the size of a fucking housecat. Yeah, pretty scary, right... or, at least it would be if the Radroaches were threatening. But, really, all they do is hiss at you. Hell, unlike the other enemies, they won't go out of their way to attack you. Only if you attack them will they fight back. But, it isn't that bad, because, you can easily beat them with your fists. So, just save your bullets for something worse.
#7: Minions from League of Legends - Now, how are these guys pathetic. Well, other than looking like a Spyro enemy from the Playstation 1 era, they're stupid... like, REALLY stupid. I mean, you could walk into a bush, right in their line of sight, and they will have no idea where you went. Of course, they are also weak, but, they also drop lots of gold when they die. Sure, this is an MMO, so, enemies dropping stuff is common, but, seriously, would you really give gold-GOLD, which is rare material that can make you rich- to THESE guys? No? Didn't think so.
#6: Hobbes from Fable 2 - So, if Balverines are the most annoying enemy in the franchise, then Hobbes are on the opposite side of the spectrum. Sure, I could have chosen the Beetles or the Wasps, but, at least they don't back away from a fight. The Hobbes, however, a complete idiots, and not to mention, once you kill enough of them, they will then run away from you, and then trip on their own feet. Yeah, they are that stupid.
#5: Headcrab Zombies from Half-Life 2 - Now, when your enemy is both easy to kill and stupid enough to kill themselves, that kinda sums up how pathetic they are. The Headcrab Zombies are so easy, all you need to beat them is five hits to the skull with a crowbar. And they aren't even that hard to dodge. The Fast Headcrab Zombies are pretty challenging, and the Poison Headcrab Zombies are.. well... (God, these FUCKING ZOMBIES) You get the idea. But, thats not all. The Headcrab Zombies can actually walk into traps, even when it RIGHT THERE in there face, they don't care. They just walk into it. Yeah, they suck so much, they kill themselves. It's sad, really
#4: Magikarp from Pokemon - Oh man, all Pokemon fans know how pathetic Magikarp is. Hell, he is even pathetic in the Pokemon anime. Even they know he sucks. I am not sure if the creators made him as a joke or if he was made crappy on accident, but, it doesn't matter. He still sucks. One of his attacks does one point of damage, and his other attack does jack shit. Hell, even the announcer in Pokemon Colosseum for the N64 points out that the attack sucks. But, what keeps him out of the Top 3 is that he turns into a FUCKING GERIDOS!
#3: Grunts from Halo - Now, this is an enemy that, once you kill enough, they run away in fear... wait, an enemy that runs in fear. Kinda like the Hobbes. Man, XBox exclusive games really have a trend to have pathetic enemies with the same traits. Anyway, the reason Grunts are higher then Hobbes is because, in Fable 1, Hobbes didn't run away until later games, like Fable 1 and 2. Grunts, however, have been wusses since day one of Halo's release, and they still are today. You can even see them shaking in fear when you are attacking. It kinda makes me feel bad for killing them... Oh well.
#2: Opposing Army from Dynasty Warriors - Now, when you think of having to fight an army of soldiers, you think your in for a challenge... right? Well, no. Honestly, all these guys do is wait for a chance to attack.. and with a game like Dynasty Warriors, where you have dozens of flashy and awesome attacks, are you really going to let the enemy land a strike... Yeah, I thought it would be no. Seriously, you could easily mow these enemies down as if you were a tank. They are that easy. But, your army is kinda the same... Oh well, give you more enemies to kill.
#1: Morth from Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker - Who would have thought my most favorite game of all time would have the most pathetic enemy. Well, anyway, Morths are the children of the enemy, Mothula, which are pretty tough. So, you'd expect their children to be tough too, right... WRONG! So, what is their attack. To latch onto you, and.... That's it. They don't suck your energy, they don't steal your magic, they don't do anything except weigh you down. Some may argue that they are made to keep you slow so you can't hit enemies, but the thing is, they are mostly around when there are no enemies, so, really, all Morths do are make you slow... Wow. Also, they die in one hit, so, that kinda sums it up. These are easily the most pathetic enemies in video game history. Hands down.
So, there is my list. Do you agree with it? Tell me below. With that, I will see you all next time