Narrator: Once, in the land of the Great Sea, there was a young, brave, and courageous boy named Link. He was a dumb little shit, and he was kind of an asshole, really, but, he went through many hardships, fought countless monsters, and was a total dick to everyone. He met a young female pirate named Tetra, who he tried to hit on a dozen times, because, like I said, he was a real asshole. However, Spoiler Alert, Link was able to find that Tetra was actually the Princess Zelda. But, After this, she was kidnapped by the evil green skinned man, Ganondorf. So, Link used every ounce of his doucheness to defeat Ganondorf and save Tetra, only to hit on her, making her wish she was still imprisoned. And so, since Link's original sidekick died or something, they both sailed throughout the land, helping anyone in need of it. Not because it was the right thing to do, but Link was, you guessed it, an asshole and just wanted rewards. So, anyway, lets begin.
Link: So, anyway, where's the first place we should go.
Tetra: Well, if we want to get everything, we should head to your home island.
Link: ...... Ah ha ha. Okay, Tetra... I thought I made it perfectly clear that, I would rather drill my scrotum to a wall then return to that piece of shit island, remember.
Tetra: And I told you that if we want stuff, we gotta help people.
Link: Then you help them.
Tetra: Are you serious. I'm not the one who went through multiple dungeons to kill a green skinned guy.
Link: But you're a pirate. They should be experts in fighting.
Tetra: But I am also a princess, and this is a Nintendo game. Incase you forgot, all Nintendo princess are useless as hell.
Link: ........ Damn, you got me there. Well, who is the first person we need to help.
Tetra: Well, it's your grandma.
Link: .......... Anyone OTHER then my grandma
Tetra: Link, if you want a reward, then you will help her
Link: How do you know it isn't something useless.
Tetra: How do you know it isn't something awesome.
Link: Touche.
(Later, on Outset Island)
Link: (In his grandma's house) Grandma.... are you, unfortunately, in here.
Grandma: (Sick) Ugh.... How's there? Is it Death? I'm coming, Henry.
Link: My god, I think the olstimers has finally kicked in.
Tetra: Okay, Link, you just need to go and get a fairy from the forest.
Link: A fairy? What will that do.
Tetra: All fairies are cure in this world. Hell, if we wanted to, we could use them to cure AIDS
Link: Man, the world of video games sure are more advanced in this kind of shit
(Later, in the forest)
Link: Okay, so, I just need to get to the fairy foun- (See's a destroyed bridge) ..... well, shit, grandma's dead
Tetra: (Off screen) LINK!
Link: Okay, I'll just go around
(Later)
Link: Okay, so, I finally found the foun- (See's boulder blocking fountain) .... Well, grandma's screwed
Tetra: Don't make me come over there... seriously, its like a thiry minutes walk, plus having to fight a few monsters.
Link: Fine (Blows up boulder with bomb, and speaks to the fairy)
Great Fairy: Hello, hero
Link: Dear god. Why do you have four arms
Great Fairy: Because, shut up. Now, here, take this fairy and piss off
Link: With pleasure. Anything to get away from you, Miss Traumatizing
Great Fairy: What was that?
Link: Nothing
(Later, at Grandma's House)
Link: Here, I got the damn fairy (Uses it on his grandma)
Grandma: (Wakes up) Oh, young radio star, is that yo- Oh, its just you Link
Link: Yeah, its just me. So, I saved you, so give me a reward
Grandma: Fine, I'll give you something. Wait right here (Walks out of room)
Tetra: See Link, that wasn't so bad
Grandma: (Walks in with a bottle full of yellow liquid) Here. It's Grandma Soup
Link: Thanks Gra- (Smells it) Grandma, this soup smells like piss
Grandma: Exactly. Drink it up, bitch
Link: ....................
Tetra: .....................
(Later, on the ship)
Link: It was fucking worth it, huh
Tetra: Okay, so, I was wrong. I'm sorry
Link: Oh, your sorry. I was holding my granny's piss in a bottle. Sorry doesn't fucking cut it
Tetra: Well, look on the bright side. Can it get worse
Narrator. Join us next time when Link does more chores for lazy ass people.
Link: Wait... I got to do more of this shit
Narrator: Yep
Link: ..... You... Mother... FU-
TO BE CONTINUED
Link: So, anyway, where's the first place we should go.
Tetra: Well, if we want to get everything, we should head to your home island.
Link: ...... Ah ha ha. Okay, Tetra... I thought I made it perfectly clear that, I would rather drill my scrotum to a wall then return to that piece of shit island, remember.
Tetra: And I told you that if we want stuff, we gotta help people.
Link: Then you help them.
Tetra: Are you serious. I'm not the one who went through multiple dungeons to kill a green skinned guy.
Link: But you're a pirate. They should be experts in fighting.
Tetra: But I am also a princess, and this is a Nintendo game. Incase you forgot, all Nintendo princess are useless as hell.
Link: ........ Damn, you got me there. Well, who is the first person we need to help.
Tetra: Well, it's your grandma.
Link: .......... Anyone OTHER then my grandma
Tetra: Link, if you want a reward, then you will help her
Link: How do you know it isn't something useless.
Tetra: How do you know it isn't something awesome.
Link: Touche.
(Later, on Outset Island)
Link: (In his grandma's house) Grandma.... are you, unfortunately, in here.
Grandma: (Sick) Ugh.... How's there? Is it Death? I'm coming, Henry.
Link: My god, I think the olstimers has finally kicked in.
Tetra: Okay, Link, you just need to go and get a fairy from the forest.
Link: A fairy? What will that do.
Tetra: All fairies are cure in this world. Hell, if we wanted to, we could use them to cure AIDS
Link: Man, the world of video games sure are more advanced in this kind of shit
(Later, in the forest)
Link: Okay, so, I just need to get to the fairy foun- (See's a destroyed bridge) ..... well, shit, grandma's dead
Tetra: (Off screen) LINK!
Link: Okay, I'll just go around
(Later)
Link: Okay, so, I finally found the foun- (See's boulder blocking fountain) .... Well, grandma's screwed
Tetra: Don't make me come over there... seriously, its like a thiry minutes walk, plus having to fight a few monsters.
Link: Fine (Blows up boulder with bomb, and speaks to the fairy)
Great Fairy: Hello, hero
Link: Dear god. Why do you have four arms
Great Fairy: Because, shut up. Now, here, take this fairy and piss off
Link: With pleasure. Anything to get away from you, Miss Traumatizing
Great Fairy: What was that?
Link: Nothing
(Later, at Grandma's House)
Link: Here, I got the damn fairy (Uses it on his grandma)
Grandma: (Wakes up) Oh, young radio star, is that yo- Oh, its just you Link
Link: Yeah, its just me. So, I saved you, so give me a reward
Grandma: Fine, I'll give you something. Wait right here (Walks out of room)
Tetra: See Link, that wasn't so bad
Grandma: (Walks in with a bottle full of yellow liquid) Here. It's Grandma Soup
Link: Thanks Gra- (Smells it) Grandma, this soup smells like piss
Grandma: Exactly. Drink it up, bitch
Link: ....................
Tetra: .....................
(Later, on the ship)
Link: It was fucking worth it, huh
Tetra: Okay, so, I was wrong. I'm sorry
Link: Oh, your sorry. I was holding my granny's piss in a bottle. Sorry doesn't fucking cut it
Tetra: Well, look on the bright side. Can it get worse
Narrator. Join us next time when Link does more chores for lazy ass people.
Link: Wait... I got to do more of this shit
Narrator: Yep
Link: ..... You... Mother... FU-
TO BE CONTINUED
???: get in the car Dex
Dex: *gets in car* this is what the hell you do!
???: yep *starts driving*
Dex: I almost got killed 3 times!
*BANG BANG BANG BANG*
Both: holy shi*!
Dex: make that 4 times!
???: hold on!
*ERRRCH*
Dex: why the hell did you bring me along!?
???: you figured out!
Dex: that does not mean that you have to bring me with you!
???: in the movies people usually want to tag
along!
Dex: why would you think I would want to tag along on a dangerous mission!?
???: I thought it would be a quick diplomat thing!
Dex: there are 10 guys chasing after us in sport cars!
???: WELCOME TO MY WORLD!
Dex: *gets in car* this is what the hell you do!
???: yep *starts driving*
Dex: I almost got killed 3 times!
*BANG BANG BANG BANG*
Both: holy shi*!
Dex: make that 4 times!
???: hold on!
*ERRRCH*
Dex: why the hell did you bring me along!?
???: you figured out!
Dex: that does not mean that you have to bring me with you!
???: in the movies people usually want to tag
along!
Dex: why would you think I would want to tag along on a dangerous mission!?
???: I thought it would be a quick diplomat thing!
Dex: there are 10 guys chasing after us in sport cars!
???: WELCOME TO MY WORLD!