Hello, everyone, and, since Christmas is edging closer to us each day, I thought “Why not do a mini rants on things involving Christmas”? And I will do just that, so, why bother with all the joyful and heartwarming feelings of christmas when we can talk about all the parts that piss us off.
Santa Lines - Now, we all know that each year, kids go to malls to talk to Santa Clause. But, the big problem is when you got to wait in lines. A word of advice. Know when the line opens, and make sure you get there first because, if you’re even one person behind, your fucked. Why? Well, lets start with the fact that the lines move SO SLOW! I mean, I’ve actually seen people wait one hour in those lines, and they didn’t even move a foot ahead. Another problem are all the little kids who keep crying, drooling, and throwing up. It’s fucking torture. And all this just to talk to Santa. You know what, fuck going early, just grab a pen and paper, write a letter, and there you go. Just as good.
Christmas Tree - Seriously, these things should have a HAZARD ZONE sign along with it. The pines on these things are so pointy, that they actually hurt. Doesn’t help that they are usually in the way, so you might rub against them by accident, giving you a real annoying poke. Oh, and you gotta love it when they drop fucking pines onto the carpet, forcing you to vacuum it up. What kind of piece of shit leaves a mess only by staying there for a month? This is why trees were made for the outdoors.
Wrapping Paper - Now, what is the problem with wrapping paper…. The fact that they hide a secret from you. What lies behind these pieces of paper may be something awesome, or something fucking stupid, like socks. Another problem is the price for them. $25 for wrapping paper? Thats just criminal. Oh, and how often do you get stuck with throwing it away. Not the kids, no, there to busy in Fuck-Off Land with there new stuff to even care about the big ass mess they left, so, that’s your problem. So, yeah, wrapping paper is a pain in the ass, but, compared to the other shit on this list, its not to bad. Hell, its probably the most tame thing I have ever did a rant on. But its still a bitch to deal with.
Family Visits - Now, there is nothing fun about traveling long distances to visit family, especially if you prefer your natural environment, like me. A huge problem is that you always get car sick (Or at least, I do) And you feel like you’re gonna vomit, but, once you get to your relatives house, they have this large assortment of food, but, oh no, you can’t eat it, because you feel like one bite will make you sick. Oh, yeah, car sickness is going on my shit list too. Also, you always seem to be stuck at the fucking kiddy table with your annoying cousin. No one wants that. No teen should have to sit with the annoying little shits of the family. Oh, and guess what. traffic also plays a big part on Family Visits. I already ranted on traffic, so fuck it.
Christmas Music - Now, this is as cheesy as Christmas can get. Every year, they play these songs on TV, Radio, everywhere. I know its tradition, but when the tradition has to be as crappy as this, then fuck tradition (Note: If you do this as a tradition, than that’s okay. That’s who you are and I respect that). Oh, and you gotta love those Christmas carolers who can come in the day, when your awake, but, no, they prefer to wake you up while you’re sleeping to sign. What the fuck was stopping them from signing to you in the day. Nothing, they just want to fuck with you, and I ain’t fucking laughing.
Christmas Specials - Now, I can stand Christmas specials. They are pretty good sometimes (Only sometimes). But, when those Christmas specials cut into my time of watching TV, then fuck them. One example is when I want to watch Adventure Time on Cartoon Network. Pretty good show. Nothing special, but good. But, instead, I am greeted with the special Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer, which, in my opinion, fucking sucks. When a special cuts into my TV time, that’s fuckiong bullshit.
Frozen Roads - Oh, god, these fuckers. Everyone knows them. Everyone fucking hates them. These bastards takes everything you learned about the road, and just changes them, like some sore losing child who wants to win. They make you move when you don’t want to, make driving more harder then before, and, they even become a death hazard, if you’re not careful. Possibly the deadliest thing I ranted on. And these fuckers are why global warming isn’t such a bad thing when you think of it.
Gloves - Here are some fuckers sick trick into thinking your hands will be warm. Seriously, gloves, if anything, makes your hands colder. You think they would keep your hands warm when touching snow, but really, they melt through the glove and get into it, making your hand freezing cold anyway. So, these fuckign things are bullshit. Not to mention, they fuck up the movement of your hand, so that it makes moving your hands, which is a simple process, fucking harder. How do you fuck up hand movement. Well, the gloves did. And, just like everything they do, their just one big fuck-up.
Coats - Hey, look, more bullshit that lies about keeping you warm. Coats are nothing more than a device for the coat company to make money. No matter what you do, you are always freezing. Hell, I think you get colder while wearing coats, because I can feel the cold on the coat, and when I simply move my arms, I am fucking freezing. What is with this world bullshitting me into thinking this shit will make me warm. This is fucking bullshit.
Clothing Presents - Lets be honest. No one likes getting clothes on Christmas. Coal would have been much better. Could have used it to stay warm during the fucking winter. Seriously, who wants clothes. When you pull on the wrapping paper, you feel as though whatever is inside is going to be amazing, only to find the stupidest fucking sweater ever made. No one wants this shit. No one, let me repeat that, NO ONE, wants fucking clothes on christmas. They make coal look like fucking Ninja Turtles.
So, there you go, a Christmas related review. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I will see you next time…… Oh, right, But, hey, that’s only my opinions. What;s Your Take.
Santa Lines - Now, we all know that each year, kids go to malls to talk to Santa Clause. But, the big problem is when you got to wait in lines. A word of advice. Know when the line opens, and make sure you get there first because, if you’re even one person behind, your fucked. Why? Well, lets start with the fact that the lines move SO SLOW! I mean, I’ve actually seen people wait one hour in those lines, and they didn’t even move a foot ahead. Another problem are all the little kids who keep crying, drooling, and throwing up. It’s fucking torture. And all this just to talk to Santa. You know what, fuck going early, just grab a pen and paper, write a letter, and there you go. Just as good.
Christmas Tree - Seriously, these things should have a HAZARD ZONE sign along with it. The pines on these things are so pointy, that they actually hurt. Doesn’t help that they are usually in the way, so you might rub against them by accident, giving you a real annoying poke. Oh, and you gotta love it when they drop fucking pines onto the carpet, forcing you to vacuum it up. What kind of piece of shit leaves a mess only by staying there for a month? This is why trees were made for the outdoors.
Wrapping Paper - Now, what is the problem with wrapping paper…. The fact that they hide a secret from you. What lies behind these pieces of paper may be something awesome, or something fucking stupid, like socks. Another problem is the price for them. $25 for wrapping paper? Thats just criminal. Oh, and how often do you get stuck with throwing it away. Not the kids, no, there to busy in Fuck-Off Land with there new stuff to even care about the big ass mess they left, so, that’s your problem. So, yeah, wrapping paper is a pain in the ass, but, compared to the other shit on this list, its not to bad. Hell, its probably the most tame thing I have ever did a rant on. But its still a bitch to deal with.
Family Visits - Now, there is nothing fun about traveling long distances to visit family, especially if you prefer your natural environment, like me. A huge problem is that you always get car sick (Or at least, I do) And you feel like you’re gonna vomit, but, once you get to your relatives house, they have this large assortment of food, but, oh no, you can’t eat it, because you feel like one bite will make you sick. Oh, yeah, car sickness is going on my shit list too. Also, you always seem to be stuck at the fucking kiddy table with your annoying cousin. No one wants that. No teen should have to sit with the annoying little shits of the family. Oh, and guess what. traffic also plays a big part on Family Visits. I already ranted on traffic, so fuck it.
Christmas Music - Now, this is as cheesy as Christmas can get. Every year, they play these songs on TV, Radio, everywhere. I know its tradition, but when the tradition has to be as crappy as this, then fuck tradition (Note: If you do this as a tradition, than that’s okay. That’s who you are and I respect that). Oh, and you gotta love those Christmas carolers who can come in the day, when your awake, but, no, they prefer to wake you up while you’re sleeping to sign. What the fuck was stopping them from signing to you in the day. Nothing, they just want to fuck with you, and I ain’t fucking laughing.
Christmas Specials - Now, I can stand Christmas specials. They are pretty good sometimes (Only sometimes). But, when those Christmas specials cut into my time of watching TV, then fuck them. One example is when I want to watch Adventure Time on Cartoon Network. Pretty good show. Nothing special, but good. But, instead, I am greeted with the special Grandma Got Runover by a Reindeer, which, in my opinion, fucking sucks. When a special cuts into my TV time, that’s fuckiong bullshit.
Frozen Roads - Oh, god, these fuckers. Everyone knows them. Everyone fucking hates them. These bastards takes everything you learned about the road, and just changes them, like some sore losing child who wants to win. They make you move when you don’t want to, make driving more harder then before, and, they even become a death hazard, if you’re not careful. Possibly the deadliest thing I ranted on. And these fuckers are why global warming isn’t such a bad thing when you think of it.
Gloves - Here are some fuckers sick trick into thinking your hands will be warm. Seriously, gloves, if anything, makes your hands colder. You think they would keep your hands warm when touching snow, but really, they melt through the glove and get into it, making your hand freezing cold anyway. So, these fuckign things are bullshit. Not to mention, they fuck up the movement of your hand, so that it makes moving your hands, which is a simple process, fucking harder. How do you fuck up hand movement. Well, the gloves did. And, just like everything they do, their just one big fuck-up.
Coats - Hey, look, more bullshit that lies about keeping you warm. Coats are nothing more than a device for the coat company to make money. No matter what you do, you are always freezing. Hell, I think you get colder while wearing coats, because I can feel the cold on the coat, and when I simply move my arms, I am fucking freezing. What is with this world bullshitting me into thinking this shit will make me warm. This is fucking bullshit.
Clothing Presents - Lets be honest. No one likes getting clothes on Christmas. Coal would have been much better. Could have used it to stay warm during the fucking winter. Seriously, who wants clothes. When you pull on the wrapping paper, you feel as though whatever is inside is going to be amazing, only to find the stupidest fucking sweater ever made. No one wants this shit. No one, let me repeat that, NO ONE, wants fucking clothes on christmas. They make coal look like fucking Ninja Turtles.
So, there you go, a Christmas related review. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I will see you next time…… Oh, right, But, hey, that’s only my opinions. What;s Your Take.
Link: (Near Stone) Hey, what are you doing
Tott: I’m dancing
Link: ……………….. Why
Tott: I want to change night to day
Link: ………………. That’s stupid
Tott: Yes, it is, but, I have no friends, everyone hates me, and I am a worthless pile of flesh, so this sad dream is all I had.
Link: Wow, you suck
Tott: I know
Link: So, what do I need to do to help
Tott: Play the song on the stone, and help me live my dream
Link: Uh, okay (Plays song)
Tott: Oh, that it (Dances) I can feel it (Keeps dancing) Almost (Finishes dance)................ Wait, nothing happened. OH, I’M A FAILURE
Link: Yeah, you kinda are
Tott: Well, I’ll go kill myself now
Link: Have fun with that
(Later, on the ship)
Tetra: So, what did you get
Link: I got this song that lets me change night to day and stuff
Tetra: Wow, with that, we can do so many things, like-
(Later)
Link: (Changes day to night, so he can rob Zunari’s shop)
Tetra: (Sigh)
TO BE CONTINUED
Tott: I’m dancing
Link: ……………….. Why
Tott: I want to change night to day
Link: ………………. That’s stupid
Tott: Yes, it is, but, I have no friends, everyone hates me, and I am a worthless pile of flesh, so this sad dream is all I had.
Link: Wow, you suck
Tott: I know
Link: So, what do I need to do to help
Tott: Play the song on the stone, and help me live my dream
Link: Uh, okay (Plays song)
Tott: Oh, that it (Dances) I can feel it (Keeps dancing) Almost (Finishes dance)................ Wait, nothing happened. OH, I’M A FAILURE
Link: Yeah, you kinda are
Tott: Well, I’ll go kill myself now
Link: Have fun with that
(Later, on the ship)
Tetra: So, what did you get
Link: I got this song that lets me change night to day and stuff
Tetra: Wow, with that, we can do so many things, like-
(Later)
Link: (Changes day to night, so he can rob Zunari’s shop)
Tetra: (Sigh)
TO BE CONTINUED