Scream season finale photo recap: 'When a Stranger Calls' 

If you’re anything like me, you’re currently hospitalized with shock from

who the killer turned out to be?! It was the kind of reveal that makes one question the very fabric of reality. If

Just kidding about all that. What a bad finale (marking a truly bad season of television) this was. I am honestly sorry to tell you this, but in my correct opinion,

is not a great show. The movie series was great. Even the one that wasn’t super great was great compared to this TV series — which again, I feel it must be pointed out, is not great. Would it even be worth explaining why? Would that make anybody happy at all? To put it mildly, the people who decided to cash in on the title of a hit movie franchise didn’t seem to have any understanding or respect for what made the movies special. None. Zero. Every creative decision from beginning to end has been a disaster, and the wholesale replacement of writers in season 2 simply revealed these disastrous creative decisions were a top-down type of thing. Because holy moly. Just a dispiriting exercise all around.

is TV’s highest-rated show, horror fans remain starved for frightening television. In that respect,

offered a handful of cheap (very cheap) thrills along the way. “When A Stranger Calls” had the advantage of being a season finale (I think? I’m obviously not an authority when it comes to episode numbers), so we were provided with an exciting unmasking (LOL) and some good, old-fashioned violence. That certainly helped. Let’s talk about it!

We began in the cop car, right where last week’s episode left off. Were Emma and Audrey really about to get thrown in jail for murdering the mayor? No, because they were almost immediately in a car accident!

In what I’m guessing was an homage to the (very good) scene in

involving the crashed cop car, the ladies suddenly found themselves helpless and alone when their cop escort was gutted by the killer! Except the killer was in a great mood this night, so he decided to give them the key to their handcuffs and then take off. Whatever his master plan was, it was, uh, wheel-spinny. But at least they were now free! (Or, on the lam.)

without checking in with the most consistently incorrect expert in town! So this idiotic high-school psychology teacher informed the Sheriff the prime suspects were definitely Emma and Audrey, because they, uh, were both crazy? It was a great theory. Except for the fact that this lady was thrown down the stairs by an obvious

Like, I don’t mean to be sexist, but I can tell the difference between a teenage girl in a hoodie and a man in a hoodie, especially when I’m being thrown down the stairs. I guess that’s just me, though.

Then Emma received a phone call at the gas station, but despite the killer’s increasingly lame threats, all I could think about was the gas station’s great candy selection. Forget the whodunit, gimme a Whatchamacallit! Now AND Later. I gotta go.

That’s when Emma and Audrey noticed they were now wanted women. Suddenly,

for millennials — ironic, considering this show drove off a cliff a long time ago.

Kieran handled his girlfriend’s arrest like any concerned boyfriend would: by taking a pleasant shower. Now he was feeling clean and refreshed and was ready to help Emma however he could. (Sure, guy.)

Meanwhile, most of the characters had come to openly suspect Eli of being the killer, probably because they’d never seen or read a mystery story in their lives. Guys, don’t you know the most suspicious character is never the killer? Wouldn’t it be weird if

the TV series had characters who were savvy about horror in a meta sense? Dare to dream.

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Brooke was slightly sad about the fact her father had been brutally murdered the night before, mostly because she missed the fresh-squeezed orange juice he used to make. Other than her father’s brutal murder, she seemed to be having an okay day. Nothing too cray.

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