Scream photo recap: 'Village of the Damned' 

'Scream' photo recap: 'Let the Right One In'

Never run into a deserted carnival funhouse during a town’s 100th birthday party beauty pageant. Doesn’t matter if it’s the real world or a fictional one, this kind of scenario will not go well for anyone at any time. I think we can agree that usually whenever someone runs into a deserted carnival funhouse during a town’s 100th birthday party beauty pageant, that person will die. But because this is

nobody died. Which, if you’re keeping track, marks the

time that carnival funhouse has factored into the proceedings without so much as a stab wound. So in this case, the deserted carnival funhouse during a town’s 100th birthday party beauty pageant didn’t go well for US.

that “Village of the Damned” would have an urgency about it, as there are only two episodes to follow and one assumes carnage and madness might start ramping up. But no, it was another fantastically misguided episode that assumed anyone at all cares about the central mystery of the killer’s identity. But just taking

’s mission statement at face value: WHO is the killer? We’ve had a season full of red herrings and misdirects and one presumes “Village of the Damned” featured a classic Eighth Episode Fakeout. Meaning that yeah, You-Know-Who is still my pick. To paraphrase Stavo, Prove me wrong, show!

Anyway, let’s talk about this episode!

We began in Audrey’s bedroom, where it became immediately clear that she was NOT going to have a great day.

For one thing, someone had scrawled “12 DEAD” on her ceiling in what appeared to be human blood or perhaps barbecue sauce and it was DRIPPING all over her head, neck, pillow, face, and duvet.

But the killer didn’t stop at defacing the ceiling… He or she (he) ALSO scrawled a generic threat onto Audrey’s mirror as well! But at this point I became less worried about Audrey’s safety and more concerned about how heavy she sleeps. How exactly did the killer accomplish so much blood graffiti mere inches away from her without causing so much as a stir? Audrey should probably stop snorting lines of crushed Ambien before bed in my opinion.

At school the kids were all slightly suspicious of each other while

hanging out and being each other’s support systems. Friend groups can be complicated, especially when one or more of them seems like they could be an active murderer.

Hey, remember when that house burned down last week? The authorities found out about it and furthermore they found out about the two charred corpses in the bathtub. Personally I really related to the one corpse on the left, that is pretty much how I feel when I venture into sunlight without sunblock on, I’m so pale, I’m an abomination. Anyway, two new corpses!

To her credit, Emma decided she probably should not hide her involvement in that burned down house, so she showed up at the Sheriff’s office to give her side of the story. (Which was boring.) But for her efforts she was rewarded with the hot tip that Eli had a restraining order filed against him by a girl back home. Yes, even though he’d already admitted to being a stalkercreep, there were official documents somewhere that proved it. This did not make Emma smile.

And Emma did not seem particularly interested in letting Eli explain himself, which bummed him out a ton. So whatever burgeoning flirtation had been developing between them was probably over now. Eli was just going to have to creepycrawl some other girl’s heart.

Oh, remember that Lady of the Lake beauty pageant thing? It was not canceled, apparently. No, this week the residents of Lakewood were going to endure not only this annual beauty pageant, but ALSO the town’s 100-year-anniversary AND a carnival for good measure. In other words someone was going to die tonight. Or, since this is

the TV series, nobody was going to die tonight. Anyway, Brooke and Zoe were in the beauty pageant, even though both of them actively did not want to be in the beauty pageant. Who even knows.

Here was the dress that Zoe designed for herself, do you like it? Looks great to me, I didn’t see what the problem was.

Just kidding, Zoe had basically designed herself a brokedown Princess Jasmine look and Brooke was NOT having it. She didn’t have time for this foolishness because it was makeover o’clock and Zoe was already 10 minutes late. (I don’t know.)

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