Skipper: So, it's a time machine.
Kowalski: Well, yes.
Skipper: Then why not just call it a time machine?
Kowalski: And while you're at it, why not call the Great Wall a fence, Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smarty Pants?!
Gloria: Where are the humans?
Skipper: We killed them and ate their livers.
*everyone looks at the penguins with horrified expressions*
Skipper: Gotcha, didn't I?
Rico:FISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
SKipper:the side of you make's me want to thowr up in my beak turns head*
Private:Kowalski have you no shame looks down sad*
Rico: FISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
From "The Big Squeeze"
Skipper: Exellante snake bait, young Private.
Private: Why do I always have to be the bait, Skipper?
Skipper: Because you're gullible and expendable! That's a twofer.
Also from "The Big Squeeze"
*inside Salvio* Marlene: Skipper! Oh, he'll have a plan, he's always got a plan.
*outside of Salvio* Kowalski: Got a plan?
Skipper: No-o.
Madagascar 2:
King Julien-Mhm...very nice, thank you for the sacrifice.
King Julien-Here, have another sacrifice.
King Julien-No, I've had enough for today
King Julien-Listen, I'm going to be very insulted unless you have another.
King Julien-I Don't WANT another sacrifice, okay?!
King Julien-But look at you! You look Skinny!
King Julien-No, I think I've had enough, that clear?!
Kowalski-If you need me I'll be on the cutting edge of SCIENCE!
Kowalski-Mama I made boom boom?
Skipper-too far back...
Paternal Egg-stinct-
Private:
The sum of the square root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Happy King Julien Day-
King Julien: Did the penguin just say NO?
Kowalski: Um.. No! I said yo, Like yo I am down with that!
What goes Around-
Officer X: I loved, THAT VAN!
Kowalski: Yes, we all loved the van, YOU THINK YOUR THE ONLY ONE HURTING?!
Skipper: Let it go Kowalski!
Kowalski's Doris Poem! <3 -
We swam as one,
I touched your gentle flipper,
And when we were done,
You said you wanted someone hipper!
*Kowalski starts crying and banging his head on teh wall* ;_;
Dr. Blowhole's Revenge-
Dr. Blowhole: Well, peng-u-ins!
Kowalski: *Banging head against wall* Why do the bad guys always get the good stuff!
Dr.Blowhole: o_o
Skipper: Yea, hes fine
Night and Dazed-
Kowalski: Based on prevailing wind curre- AHHHHHHHHHHH
*Falls down small cliff and hit tree*
Kowalski: Ow! *becomes onconscious*
Skipper: Kowalskis down -_-
And the best of all....
Jiggles-
Kowalski: GOOD GOLLYWHOLLY!!!!
Savio: Ahh the neighbours, I was hoping I would get a chance to eat you
Skipper: What did he say?
Savio: I mean meet you, slip of the tongue
Private: Oh I know, I'd put my foot in my mouth a time or two *Skipper slaps him*
Julien: So you see, we have the crates with the real fish, while yours are filled with only the phony fish cake. So hahaha-ing.
Skipper: Oh, nice try, Ringtail. But I know how much you hate the smell of fish. I was expecting a move like that, which is why I switched the crates before you even got back to the zoo.
Julien: Ah, but I was expecting you to be expecting that, so we switcheroo-ed the crates on the pier before the fish got loading on to the truck. Ha ha!
Skipper: Doesn't really matter, because I just switched these crates during your last flashback.
Julien: Well I switched them while you were saying you switched them.
Skipper: And I switched them last the time you blinked.
Julien: Yes, but I pretended to switch them so you actually switched them back.
Skipper: Oh, but I double switched.
Julien: And I triple switched.
Skipper: I million zillion switched.
Julien: And I switched them to infinity! So you have to shut up a little bit.
Skipper: Ah, but what you didn't see coming is that... [reveals that he's really Julien] I am actually you!
Julien: Okay, nicely played. But if you are me, then by processing of elimination, [reveals that he's really Skipper] I must be you!
Skipper who is really Julien: Maybe, maybe. But if you are me, and I am you, then we must both be?
(Skipper enters the HQ with a sack that has the other future Kowalski inside and then drops it, interrupting Rico from destroying the Magufeim.)
Skipper: Hi everyone, what'cha doing?
Private: Skipper, what's in the sack?
Skipper: Laundry. Why? What's wrong with a penguin and his sack of laundry?
Private: Well nothing, except we don't wear clothes.
Skipper: Well yeah, they're dirty.
Kowalski: You don't understand. (gets out of his bunk) I haven't had a
scientific breakthrough in weeks.
Private: What about your shrink ray?
(Private takes out a small ray gun)
Kowalski: (frustrated) Pfft. Small potatoes, useless!
Private nearly drops the shrink ray after Kowalski smacks it away. Skipper
holds up a bag of potatoes.
Skipper: Oh, I dunno know, we could whip us up a batch...
Rico hungrily looks at the bag and some small potatoes.
Skipper: ...of teeny-tiny French Fries.
----
(Jiggles has eaten King Julien)
Kowalski: Skipper, don't you see? Julien was a "Jiggles hater".
Julien waves to the penguins.
'Kowalski: 'You know what happens to "Jiggles haters".
Rico whistles coo-coo.
Kowalski: This is what happens when you hate on my monster.
Skipper: Ahhhh. You admit you made a monster.
Kowalski: Well, the good kind of monster. MY KIND!
(Skipper slaps him)
Skipper: You gotta snap of out of this, Kowalski.
Kowalski: (angry) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh, I see. You're all haters now. Well,
see you later, SCIENCE HATERS!
Kowalski leaves laughing crazily with Jiggles, still having Julien, leaving
the others upset and hurt.
Private: (upset) He called us haters! (sniffles) That makes me sad, Skipper.
■"Can you think of even of one time I have played a trick or even TOLD a joke?" (It's About Time, when he was trying to explain to Private that he's from the future)
■"Commence Operation...get Skipper out of the locked van?" (Command Crisis, when they were going to get Skipper out of the van)
■"Cool cars go faster. That's a scientific fact." (Little Zoo Coupe)
■"Easy, Kowalski, easy… You don't want this stuff going kaboom!" (Stop Bugging Me, performing an experiment before Private ruins it)
■"Everything I've learned is a LIE!!" (I Was a Penguin Zombie, after Zombie Skipper found their hiding spot)
■"FIRE EVERYTHING!!!" (Snakehead!, after seeing the Snakehead Fish)
■"Flibity-jibbit, man, I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger. (Miracle on Ice, after being smashed by the rat king.)
■"Good Golly Wally!" (Jiggles, after his creation bursts through the ceiling)
■"Hot sauce is truth serum, grape jelly is sleeping gas, and ketchup is amnesia mist. (sprays it on himself) Where was I?" (Truth Ache, showing his potions on food seasoning bottles)
■"I... also... love... you, in the same... way... expressed previously... dude." (All Choked Up, saying his farewell to Rico)
■"I am not Scooter Alvarez! I don't even know what a Scooter Alvarez is!" (Command Crisis, when he got mad at Skipper acting like Chuck Charles)
■"It's a chemical in the brain inducing bliss, highly addictive." (Gone in a Flash, when he was telling Skipper about what love means from the smoothies)
■"I have cracked the Love Code...OH BABY!!" (Otter Things Have Happened, when he was happy because his Lovulator works)
■"I, uh, don't want to alarm anyone, but, I went all in on the broccoli for lunch today. (Operation: Cooties, in the box to his comrades, having cooties.)
■"I say humbug to you, sir. Humbug. Humbug. HUM-BUG! (The All Nighter Before Christmas, to Rico when Rico refused to clear the rock and roll Christmas decorations.)
■"Just a little pinch, followed by the brief sensation of a thousand suns exploding in your skull." (Roger Dodger, describing the sensation of switching minds)
■"Mama make a butter biscuit gravy gravy BONGOS!!!" (Cat's Cradle, after being shocked by Officer X)
■"Mostly not good with hints of horrible." (Dr. Blowhole's Revenge)
■"No need to paint, I'm as flopsy-faced as ever." (Miracle on Ice, after Skipper asks if he's okay)
■"Now this time I want you to be a good goo guy." (Jiggles, when he was talking to Jiggles after he shrunk him)
■"AW, COME ON! ENOUGH ALREADY!!" (Gator Watch, being annoyed by the flushing sounds.)
■"OH, COME ON NOW!!" (Snakehead!, after they see they didn't eliminate the monster)
■"Oh, that image will haunt me!" (All Choked Up, when seeing the leopard seal eating the penguin in the DVD.)
■"Okay, let's get stupid!" (Sting Operation, when he was going to test out his newest invention so they won't feel pain)
■"PSHH! Don't get your feathers in a bunch, Private!" (It's About Time, when another future Kowalski was asking Private to calm down)
■"RESPECT THE SCIENCE!" (Otter Things Have Happened)
■"SCIENCE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!?" (Otter Things Have Happened, after Marlene broke up with Fred)
■"So wild, so free, yet I know I could tame her!" (What Goes Around, when he wanted to have Officer X 's vehicle)
■"Surrender is a verb Skipper. It means to give up or yield....oh right...here...I'll do it myself." (smacks himself across the face.) (Kingdom Come, when Skipper said he doesn't know the meaning of surrender)
■"Technically speaking... maybe." (Launchtime, saying that the rocket is safe.)
■"The moo cow may have a chocolate marshmallow." (Miracle on Ice, another line from Kowalski when he was dazed)
■"There's a scientific word for this...weird." (Otter Gone Wild, after Marlene turns to normal)
■"This is a scientifically engineered hook-up." (Otter Things Have Happened, when he was telling Marlene what the date was for)
■"Well, I'll be a bicycle cream cone!" (Miracle on Ice, another line when he was dazed)
■"While we're at it, let's just call the Great Wall a fence, Mona Lisa a doodle, and Albert Einstein Mr. Smarty-Pants! (It's About Time, when Skipper asked why not call the chronotron, a time machine.)
■"Why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?" (Dr. Blowhole's Revenge)
■"Without friends his delicate psyche snapped like snappyest snappersons, the snappyest kid in Snappadelvia, snap snappersons since snaps photography specialists!" (All King, No Kingdom, looking at Julien's desperate state)
■"Wow, we are really good looking...*all three Kowalski's*...Mmhhmmmm!" (It's About Time, after seeing the future Kowalskis)
■"You heard the Doctor, that infection did things to his brain....HORRIBLE THINGS!" (I Was a Penguin Zombie)
■"You've got to stop me!" (It's About Time, said by both future Kowalski's when they came through the time portal and land near Private and Skipper)
■"Ordinarily when I think intelligence, I would not think Fred" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
■"The promise of mystery, adventure, hidden clues, action set pieces, red herrings, diabolical double crosses and the thrilling climax that ultimately bashes us over the head with a lesson about the importance of non-material possessions" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
■"High probability of globetrotting escapades, ruthless villains, and ancient riches all tied up nicely with the heartfelt realization that we had what we were looking for inside us all along" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel)
■You, simian! You can't go throwing your banana peels around willy-nilly! (Little Zoo Coupe after they lost the race to a banana peel in the middle of the track, due to Phil.)
■"'We go'? I'm not familiar with that neighborHOOD!!!" (Night and Dazed, trying to find where Leonard is until he was pulled into the ejection area)
■"TESLA'S COIL!" (Truth Ache, after Kowalski sees a hiccuping, dazed Private after he drank the Truth Serum)
■"Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave..." (Madagascar movie, first line)
■"Cute and cuddly, boys. Cute and cuddly" (Common catchphrase)
■"You didn't see anything!" (Common catchphrase)
■"Fish and Chips, man!" (Madagascar movie)
■"Biscuits and Gravy! We didn't run a scenario for that!" (Monkey
Love, after Phil declared he was going to speak to her)
■"My whole life...is a lie!" (Truth Ache, after learning no one liked his Monk Fish Surprise)
■"This madness ends now" (Common catchphrase)
■"Evasive maneuvers, boys"
■"Cheese and Crackers"
■"Smoke Salmon!" (Penguiner Takes All, when the Lemurs got the flag for the second time)
■"Hot Fudge! What was that?" (In the bonus scenes, when the Penguins and the Lemurs were having a Tug of War)
■"Sweet mother MacArthur! Will you just take a lookout position!?" (Operation: Plush & Cover, when Skipper was mad at Julien not listening to his command)
■"Even better. Full Blown Paranoia!" (The Red Squirrel, When Skipper mistaken what Private said about being to overly cautious)
■"Don't eat the Puffin Puff Pastries! They're evil!" (Huffin and Puffin, when he saw his team eating Hans Danishes)
■"Marlene don't bring all your sappy emotion into this. This is love!" (Monkey Love, when Marlene was describing her way for Phil to capture Lulu's heart)
■"As far as your concern. I am nobody." (Roomies, when he was about to leave from the presence of Marlene and Rhonda)
■"Okay Ringtail, do not think of anything, except for me saying right now of not thinking of anything." (The Helmet, when he was walking over to Julien to take the helmet of his head)
■"Eyes on the flipper." (The Red Squirrel, when he was trying to hypnotize Private)
■"I would ask you the same thing except for the guy part." (The Hidden, when he wanted to know why Marlene was at there HQ)
■"Really! You don't say! Well thanks chief!" (The Red Squirrel, when he answered the phone Rico regurgitated)
■"There's no such thing as too paranoid Private. And forget you ever heard it." (The Red Squirrel, when he was trying to make Private forget of as being to paranoid)
■"We made a very obnoxious lemur, very happy." (Lemur See, Lemur Do, after they fixed Lemme and gave it to Julien)
■"Time travel. All you want to do is slap a hippy but instead you get multiple Kowalski's." (It's About Time, after the other future Kowalski came and told him about the problem)
■"Kowalski! You MANIAC! You did it. You finally really did it. (It's About Time, when he sees the flooded Statue of Liberty, spoof of Planet of the Apes)
■"Oh a mysterious ancient map. It's classic." (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel, when the gang sees a map)
■"Who could say no to a mysterical quest." (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel, when he got the feather of the crystal falcon)
■"I'm Infected." (Operation: Cooties, when Skipper is touched by Marlene who he thinks has the cooties.)
■"Glowing red eyes, that's almost never good."
■"Hansel and Gretel maneuver special. On my mark: execute!" (In the Line of Doody, when they are trying to find that pigeon)
■He's just a BOY!! (Tangled in the web, when Private's captured)
■"Is it...safe?" (Launchtime, asking Skipper, who asks Kowalski about the rocket)
■"Goodbye...telly, old chum." (Penguiner Takes All, after losing the TV)
■"Oh, dear!"
■"Skipper? Don't you think we should tell them that the boat's out of gas?" (Madagascar movie)
■"Maybe the universe blinked?" (What Goes Around, after seeing Officer X is not out yet)
■"Wow. Just, you know, wow." (Mask of the Raccoon, impressed by the Archer)
■"Look at me, I'm flyyyyiiinngg!" (The Helmet, as Kowalski is levitating him into the air)
■"Back up to that "without you" part please." (Dr. Blowhole's Revenge, when he wanted to know what Dr. Blowhole meant)
■"Officer X was a nasty surprise." (What Goes Around, when he was talking to Rico about Officer X)
■"I don't want to be Slippy." (Tangled in the Web, after he found out that he's Slippy)
■"My baby ducklings, and there all mine!" (The Lost Treasure of the Golden Squirrel, when he sees his deepest desire)
■"Shoes. Why? What's wrong with a penguin and his shoe box?" (It's About Time, after Kowalski asked him what’s in the box)
■"The sum of the square root of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side." (Paternal Egg-Stinct, after being electrocuted by Kowalski's electric shock, spoof of the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz.)
■"Tell me, am I living in a cottage in Nova Scotia, happily married with one egg and another on the way?" ( It's About Time, when Private asks future Kowalski about his future.)
■"They didn't do it like this on the telly." (Can't Touch This, after he hypnotizes the rest of the penguins and Randy into thinking they're chickens)
(The gang has failed to get the bomb out of Rico)
Skipper: Sorry, amigo. Looks like game over. I never thought it would end this way, but, I want you to know, I love you, you crazy knucklehead.
Kowalski: I also love you in the same way expressed previously... dude.
(Rico struggles not to throw up)
Private: (hugs Rico) I love you too, Rico. (Rico burps)
Mort: (inside Rico's stomach) And I love this popcorn! It's a little wet though.
(Rico's stomach growls and rumbles)
Julien: Ehh, what is that noise?
(Private sniffles)
Skipper: I know I'm not good with words, Rico, and uh, well either are you, really, but I just want to say... (hugs Rico.) you are my brother.
Kowalski: (wipes a tear) That's poetry, Skipper.
(Rico starts to throw up, but tries to hold it in)
Julien: (to Maurice) I don't know about him, but this mush is making me want to blow chunks.
Skipper: (The penguins turn to them) Do you mind?
(Julien and Maurice look at each other)
Private: Where ev'r the sun lay softly his head, there wither land whisper, "Rico. Rico."
Kowalski: (all choked up) Okay. OK, now that's poetry!
(Rico still struggles not to throw up. The other penguins hugged each other and cry. Julien joins in. The penguins stopped and stared at him.)
Julien: I just want to see a penguin throw up.
(This startles Kowalski, who's wearing the headphones to hear things in the microphone. He removes the headphones)
Kowalski: DABUGHADUH! (takes of headphones then covers his earholes and in a loud voice says) Microphone is online! (walking away) Also, my eardrums are bleeding!
Skipper: Save it or shred it; you make the call.
Kowalski: Should I destroy my greatest creation and deprive civilization of something wonderful? Or keep it and risk total global inhialation?
Private: I've never seen him so conflicted.
Skipper: Yesturday? At the snowcone booth?
*flashback*
Kowalski: Should I indulge myself in the lucious but familiar flavors of a blueberry bubblegum? Or do I venture into the high-risk, high-reward of huneydew lemon?
*present*
Private: Oh yes, it was as if time froze. Well, more like Kowalski froze and time kept going. And, going.
You know, I'm beginning to think Kowalski has some serious problems to work out. And it's not what flavor snowcone to get.
Alex the Lion: Did he just say "Grand Central Station," or "My aunt's constipation"?
~.~.~.~.~
Julian: Come on, time to robot!
[robot voice]
Julian: I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am super genius... I am robot king of the monkey thing... compute...
compute.
~.~.~.~.~.~
Gloria the Hippo: Aww, you poor little baby, did that big mean lion scare you?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: Mm-hmm.
Gloria the Hippo: He did? He's a big fat old puddy-tat, isn't he?
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [gurgling and lifting arms up to be picked up]
Gloria the Hippo: Come on, mama hold you. Awww!
Melman the Giraffe: They are so cute from a reasonable distance.
Gloria the Hippo: Look at you! Aren't you the sweetest thing... aww I just wanna dunk him in my coffee!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [giggling cutely]
~.~.~.~.~
Skipper the Penguin: Well, boys, our monochromatic friend's in danger. Looks like we have a job to do.
[directing Private]
Skipper the Penguin: Captain's Log: Embarking into hostile environment. Kowalski! We'll need to win the hearts and the minds of the natives. Rico! We'll need special tactical equipment. We're gonna face extreme peril. Private probably won't survive.
[Private's crayon tip breaks off and he looks up in shock]
~.~.~.~.~
Mort the Mouse Lemur: King Julian! What are they?
[shouts]
Mort the Mouse Lemur: What are they?
Julian: They are... aliens! Savage aliens! From the savage future!
Maurice: They've come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals!
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [begins weeping]
Julian: Get up Mort! Do not be near the King's feet, okay!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Mort the Mouse Lemur: They are savages! Tonight we die.
Julian: The feet! I told you about - I told you to - I told you - didn't I tell him about the feet?
Maurice: He did tell you about the feet.
Mort the Mouse Lemur: [cutely] E-he.
Alex the Lion: [talking in his sleep] Come on now, baby. My little filet. My little filet mignon with a little fat around the edges. I like that. I like a little fat on my steak. My sweet, juicy steak. You are a rare delicacy.
Alex the Lion: They should call it the San Di-lame-o Zoo. First they tell you, "Hey, we got this great open plan, where animals can run wild." Next thing you know, you have flowers in your hair, and everybody's hugging everybody.
Skipper the Penguin: You, quadruped. Sprechen Sie Englisch?
Marty the Zebra: I sprechen.
Skipper the Penguin: What continent is this?
Marty the Zebra: Manhattan.
Skipper the Penguin: Hoover Dam! We're still in New York! Abort! Dive! Dive! Dive!
Mason the Chimpanzee: [Mason and Phil have just escaped] I hear Tom Wolfe's speaking at Lincoln Center.
Mason the Chimpanzee: [Phil signs frantically] Well, of course we're going to throw poo at him!
Gloria the Hippo: Where are the people?
Skipper the Penguin: We killed them and ate their livers.
[pause]
Skipper the Penguin: Gotcha, didn't I? just kiddin', doll. The people are fine. They're on a slow boat to China.
Alex the Lion: Whoa! Hold up there a second, fuzzbucket. You mean like, uh, the "live in a mud hut, wipe yourself with a leaf" type wild?
Julian: Who wipes?
Gloria the Hippo: Oy vey.
Julian: Oy vey!
Maurice: Oy vey, everybody!
[Lemurs Shout "Oy vey"]
Skipper the Penguin: Just smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave. Kowalski, progress report.
Kowalski the Penguin: [In a hole] We're only 500 feet from the main sewer line.
Skipper the Penguin: And the bad news?
Kowalski the Penguin: [laying a broken plastic spoon at Skipper's feet] We've broken our last shovel.
Skipper the Penguin: Right. Rico, you're on litter patrol. We need shovels, and find more Popsicle sticks. We don't want to risk another cave-in.
Private the Penguin: And me, Skipper?
Skipper the Penguin: I want you to act cute and cuddly, Private. Today we're gonna blow this dump.
Skipper the Penguin: Status.
Private the Penguin: [Walking on computer keyboard] It's no good, Skipper. I don't know the codes.
Skipper the Penguin: [Slapping Private] Don't give me excuses, give me results!
Marty the Zebra: [about King Julian] He's got style.
Alex the Lion: What is he, like, king of the guinea pigs?
Melman the Giraffe: I think it's a squirrel.
Julian: Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow.
Alex the Lion: Definitely a squirrel.
Melman the Giraffe: Yep, a squirrel.
Gloria the Hippo: What kind of zoo is this?
Melman the Giraffe: I just saw twenty-six blatant health code violations.
Marty the Zebra: I'm loving San Diego. This place is off the chizain.
Melman the Giraffe: Twenty-seven.
