ikr btw edward is sooo hott i wanna be his vampire!! :) <3 hahah

First of all. He tries to CONTROL Bella. He TELLS her she can't see Jake. he FORBIDS her from seeing Jake. He says he doesn't care what she says, his mind won't change. He won't listen to her, even though she protests. Do I blame him for not wanting her around Jake? No. Do I blame him for not trusting Bella's sense of danger? No, I don't. Do I blame him for wanting her to be safe? Not at all. I don't have a problem with his *motivations*. I have a problem with his *actions*. It's fine for him to be worried; that is 100% understandable. But it's a completely different matter to do things that FORCE another person into compliance with your will (aka dismantling her car and having Alice kidnap her). It's a completely different thing to totally take away a person's God-given right of freedom of choice. It's fine for him to be worried and express is worry; it's NOT fine for him to FORBID her from and TELL her she can't do this or that. He has the right to be worried; he has no right to TELL her what to do. It's her life, her choice. I would have been fine if he would have said, "Bella, I don't want you around him. It makes me jealous, and I don't want you in danger". It's NOT fine for him to say, "You can't see him. I don't care what you say. I won't let you. I'll stop you if you try". He is not her father, nor a parent, nor an authoritative figure. He has no right to tell her she can and can't do this. He has the right to REQUEST she doesn't; nothing more. I know people say, "Well, he changed! He realized he was hurting her!". But no, he didn't. He says himself that he only gave in because he was worried she would hurt herself trying to see Jake. He gave in because he could see what he was doing wasn't working; not because he changed.

In real life, that doesn't fly. In real life, girls are encouraged to get out of relationships in which the guy tries to control you. In real life, it's not okay for a boy to do that to you. Those that try to have that level of control are generally abusers.

Also, he does things to make her feel like she *has* to do something, then turns around and does something that makes her feel like she has to do that even more. For instance-- he tells her he will kill himself if she dies. That is SOOOOOO out of line. Saying that to a person makes them feel, in one way or another, personally liable. It makes them feel like they HAVE to be with you and that they have no choice in the matter. Threatening suicide is not romantic and is an indication of mental instability (IMO). Some of my friends' past boyfriends have told them they would die without them, and it put a lot of pressure on my friends. Emotionally, it's not healthy to have that kind of pressure or obligation laid on your shoulders.

Another example is when he tells Bella she HAS to marry him in order to be changed into a vampire. He refuses to back down; that is his condition. She agrees to it against her own will. Then, at the end of the book, he turns around and says, "Oh, never mind. You don't have to". He was trying to make her feel better, but he inadvertently made her feel guilty for supposedly "putting herself above him". It makes her feel like she has to do it even more. And she obviously doesn't WANT to be married-- just read the first chapter of Breaking Dawn.

I almost feel that, in a way, Edward is manipulative. Very subtly manipulative. It's like he takes advantage of her emotions or something. He does things that guilt her into doing what he wants.

In real life, girls are usually creeped out if a boy tells them he will kill himself if they aren't with him. Generally, that is seen as a bad thing. In real life, it's a terrible thing to be guilted into doing things you don't want to do (I've been in a relationship where the boy pressure me to do this and that, or made me feel guilty if I didn't do what he wanted to do. He was the kind of boy who would freak out at me if I didn't hangout with him, or would refuse to talk to me if I did something he didn't like or whatever. It's NOT a good thing to be in a relationship like that, trust me).

He's also incredibly jealous. It's understandable for him to be jealous, but it still bothers me. That level of jealously is almost to the point where it could be labeled "possessiveness". He's taken it to the point where he has isolated her and made her do thing she wouldn't normally do-- for instance, she has no friends. She's not a social person, but she had people *attempt* to get to know her. She's isolated from her family; she lies to Charlie all the time and can't confide in her parents. The only people she can really talk to are Edward and Jake. All of those things-- the isolation, the jealousy, the lying, etc-- are also a trait typical of abusers.

I have many more issues with Edward, but those are the main ones that make people call Edward a "future spousal abuser". I can understand why Eddie does the things he does, but that does NOT make them right, moral, or ethical. In real life, boys would get in major trouble for doing some of the things Edward does to Bella. That's why this series bothers me so much-- it rationalizes things that would normally be viewed as bad. It makes them seem okay. In terms of the book, his actions make some sense. In terms of reality, they would generally be viewed as bad. So I find it terrible the SM has convinced so many of these girls that Edward is "perfect", because if they were to end up with a boy who did some of the things Edward does, they most likely wouldn't be happy.

basically he takes away Bella's free will

I've never understood that either...and though ThePrincesTale made some very good points...I dont believe that he "forced" or "control" Bella on anything...lets look at Emily...maybe if there had been someone to step in for her...she might not have been on the receiving end a young wolves emotional outburst...and the wedding condition...you cant hold that against Edward...he didnt want Bella to become a vampire to begin with...Bella was asking alot of him...was it so wrong for Edward to ask for something in return? We know that Edward wasnt actually 17 but it was possible that he wanted to experience all the "human" traditions that he missed...and yes he was jealous...but only over one being...Jacob..and lets be honest Jacob did everything in his power to make sure Edward felt that way... One big point that wasnt brought up was that had Bella given the word...or had decided to go with Jacob...Edward would have let her go...and he never threated to kill himself if Bella didnt love him...he only said that if she didnt exisit then there was no reason for him to exist...Jaoob on the other hand did threaten to 'let himself' be killed to push Bella into picking him. I have to totally disagree with the "basically he takes away Bella's free will"...the only true thing he did was to stop her from coming in contact with Jacob a few times...and lets be real...it was for her own good...that doesnt make Edward abusive or controlling...that makes him concerned and caring...I think its funny how people tend to come out and say that Bella was weak and whiny when in actual fact she was the strongest character in the saga...the only time she really showed any weakness was when Edward left her...I know how crushed I've been when I've broken up with a boyfriend and I'm sure its 1000 times worse when it comes to soul-mates...lol

So back to the original question...to me ..no Edward was not abusive or controling...he was loving and protecting of his soul-mate...who just happens to be a danger magnet.

♥Team♥Twilight♥

i havent read anythin on here at all but postin anyway! LOL

100% agree with ThePrincesTale; you hit the nail on the head! couldn't have said it better myself...

Hellohoudini, u can speak for me anytime. Ur assessment, I believe was way more accurate then anything else I've read here.

I'm new on this fansite and I saw this forum and couldn't help but post:
I totally agree that yes Edward was being subtly manipulative, but he was like that already. If you think about it all the vampires in the book are manipulative. It's just a common trait or part of their culture. In real life, yeah his behavior is abnormal but if we see him as a human. He's not human.
From day one when Bella Swan came to school with her super appealing smell, he tried to protect her. When he realized he loved her, he tried not to, and even left her thinking he was a bad drug. Let's not forget he thinks he has no soul and is bound to go to hell. When Edward decided to stay withh Bella and move back to Forks, he pretty much decided that he's goin straight for hell, so I guess he decided that he could do whatever it takes to keep Bella safe and preserve her soul.
He bargains for marriage because yeah maybe he wanted to experience human traditions he missed. But I dont think that was the why he asked for it. I think he was hoping that A)Bella would refuse and then she wouldnt be turned into a vampire, thus preserving her soul B)If she agreed to marriage, she would go thru with it and then see and want all the wonderful human things she would miss after turning into a vampire C) He would get it thru her head that turning her into a vampire is as painful and unwanted to him as much as getting married is to her.
And the whole jealous thing is yes a little too much but only by human standards. Vampires are basically immortal and when they choose a mate its forever. Let me repeat, forever. Jasper and Emmet feel the same for Alice and Rosalie and I can see them do the same thing as Edward. And I can see Rosalie and Alice do the same right back. They're posessive of each other. It's another vampire thing and like Imprinting with werewolves. Their whole world revolves around one person. I can see why Edward would want to keep that one person safe. We already saw that when he thought she was dead he was ready to be killed by the Volturi.
If he followed vampire tradition Bella would've been a vampire a long time ago and she would have been his. Then Renesme wudnt have been born. But Edward cares for her soul and is insecure about if he's worthy enough for Bella. He didn't want to be selfish by taking away all her human oppurtunities.
HelloHoudini was right all Bella had to do was say good bye and Edward would've been gone. But she lovedd him too and stood by him.
So for the original question: By human standards yes you could see it as abusive, but since Edward isn't human but a vampire where manipulation and possesiveness are common no the relationship wasnt.

Thanks TwilightLuvr37!

^that can be considered as spamming and advertising. Don't put links to totally unrelated websites. You could be reported.

Plus, did you actually read my above post? You might change your mind then.
Edwart and Bella aren't the best, their love isn't love but obsessive teenage lust and they set a very bad example for teenage girls, namely that a boyfriend is everything.