Maxim magazine’s May issue:

Ed Helms:

On working in a real office: “Yes [I have had an office job], but it was an Orwellian nightmare. I felt like a kid in a candy store, but everything was licorice.”

On his former real office boss: “My boss was so insecure she’d yell at me, then call me into her office and cry and apologize.”

On the worst job to have: “The guy who inspects microchips for defects.”

On the worst part about working on The Office: "Tolerating [fellow actor] Brian "Napalm Breath" Baumgartner's brutal halitosis."

Brian Baumgartner:

On working in a real office: “Yes [I’ve had an office job]. The best part about working in a cube farm is the lack of standing. You really don’t ever have to stand if you don’t want to.”

On his former real office boss: “I had a jerky lawyer boss. He looked like Napoleon. He probably reads Maxim and still scares me, so I refuse to say another word about Daniel H. Parwinder.”

On whether he could go back to an office: “Sure. I know all my mom does at work is surf the Net and look at nude pictures of my dad.”

On the worst part about working on The Office: “Ed Helms. He is such a pretentious New York Daily Show snob. We went to high school together and he’s changed. He was cool then. Such an ass now.”

B.J. Novak :

On who he’d haunt if he were a ghost: “Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, and the rest of the Ghostbusters cast. They’d tell everyone they were seeing ghosts for real this time, and everyone would think they’d lost their minds.”

On what he regrets not ever finishing: “Green Eggs and Ham. I gave up in frustration when I was in kindergarten. I thought the guy in the book was being a total dick to Sam-I-Am, and I said to myself, ‘OK, I know where this story is going,’ and I stopped reading.”

On who he’d punch if he could hit anyone: “Osama bin Laden. And hard too.”

On what his ideal funeral would be like: “Open bar. Twenty-one plus.”