Rule #1: Do not sacrifice your foot for the smell of crackling bacon in the morning when the grill is groundlevel.
Rule #2: Do have pepper spray, throwing stars, and nunchucks under your desk at all times for emergency situations.
Rule #3: Do not pick up the handset of your telephone too quickly in case a fellow worker has added and subtracted nickels to the handset.
Rule #4: Do not leave your cheese pita on the eye of the oven. A fire could occur.
Rule #5: Do not drive warehouse equipment unliscenced. Darryl is a large, fearless black man.
Rule #6: Be careful when stereotyping co-workers who are not participating in diversity day activities. You may get slapped.
Rule #7: Do not withhold sex from a female superior when negotiating for a raise.
Rule #8: Do not appear to flirt with Stanley's 8th grade daughter. You may encounter one of the most frightening experiences of your life, Stanley yelling at you.
Rule #9: Do not continue to drive out of loyalty to your boss after crashing into a metal pole and vomiting on your car. You may have a concussion.
Rule #10: Do not demonstrate a suicide attempt off a building and onto a trampoline or bouncy house as your visual ad for a depression seminar. In doing so you may actually succeed in killing yourself.

Feel free to add to the list! I would love to hear more office safety tips!