What do you guys think of my story "Fanged Kingdom"?

It seems rather rushed as if you are glossing over a lot of details that could be expanded on A LOT to make a more intriguing story that draws you in.

A lot of the scene could have better been done written out rather than summarized like the whole "The parents couple" to "their own" and even a fair amount before that.

Also you would probably like to avoid using words like "things" and preferably use more detailed words like "skills".

And I didnt read the second chapter, but I skimmed it and just one thing I need to point out

When you have dialogue you need to create a new paragraph any new person speaks. Making it looks like:

"What are you doing?" Bill asked.

"I am doing well." Joe responded.

"Do you like pizza?" Bill asked.

"Why do you keep asking me questions?" Joe responded

Of course with better words than "responded" and "asked" but I wasnt really trying with the writing.

Overall in general it sounds nice, a bit generic when compared to the RPs Ive been part it, but it seems to be pretty nice. If you want tips though, the things I listed above should help but in general, you are probably going to want to expand your writing and be more descriptive.

It's a good story IMO. Btw, don't use "https." Just use "http."