What's the weirdest thing your friend threatened to do to you? (Joking and not.)

For me was when Alex came to my house and let himself in. I was on my bed reading Yaoi magazines, and he said, "Skippy, keep reading that kind of stuff and I will have to molest you with a fork." I laughed so hard I cried. We got together last year and it's been the weirdest and best year of my life so far. Besides when we got a dog, but...