If grapes don't grow by themselves then how the hell did they get there to begin with?

Magic.

Good question. How in the hell did they get there wantadog?

Carefully

Well when god made the heavens and the earth .


He could make wine out of water .



And then he was like " damn Adam and Eve must want to get drunk too ."

So he made grapes to make wine .


You're welcome .

Evolution just like corn and humans the first grape plants weren't actual grape plants. But then they evolved.

Aliens, of course.
When we arrived on this planet we had brought grapes with us, just like with pineapples and Michael Jackson.
Although Michael jacksons don't grow on trees or in the ground like other less talented plants.