Tell an awful joke

Rick Santorum would make a great president

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Text.
Text who?
Text you ages to open the door

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side!



I don't get that joke...

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

Seriously, these are some really bad jokes. Dunno why I'm even posting them, other than to say I did. This reminds me of the cheesy stuff we used to pass around back in 2nd grade or something, ahhh... memories. At any rate, these are pretty much the worst jokes I could think of.

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Did I ever tell you the story about the broken pencil? It had no point.

I was reading a book about adhesive the other day. I just couldn't put it down.

Q: What's the friendliest school?
A: Hi school.

Q: What's black, white, black, white, and green?
A: Two skunks fighting over a pickle.

Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?
A: Mustard. (It's good for hot dogs.)

Q: What do you call a bass vocalist who sings by himself?
A: So-low.

Q: Where do books eat dinner?
A: At the table of contents.

Q: Why were the suspenders arrested?
A: For holding up a pair of pants.

Q: What do you get if you cross a cow with a camel?
A: A lumpy milkshake.

Q; What did the angry inflatable teacher say to the irresponsible inflatable child in the inflatable school?
A: Not only have you let me down, you've let yourself down, and you've let the whole school down!

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: Because he overswept.

I was going to tell you one about sodium, but Na.

Heres a cheesy one:

What did the ketchup say to the mustard when it ran ahead?


Slow down,let me ketchup!


HOW CLEVER,whoever thought of that one,must have shed blood and sweat from thinking SOOO MUCH.

*Notice my creative use of sarcasm!!! ^₩^*

Why did the roster cross the road?

To get to the chicken BD *boom boom tss.*

Your mom.............. LOL JK


Q: Why did the baby bring a ladder to school?
A: He wanted to see what High-school was like.

Q:What state is the smartest?
A: Alabama. It has 4 A's and 1 B

whats the difference between a train and a mean teacher?
one says "choo choo!" and the other one says "SPIT OUT THAT GUM!"

what do you call a rabbit that likes to swim with alligators?
dinner.

how many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
only one-but she changes it into a toad!

why was the girl not afraid of the shark?
it was a man eating shark!

what did the doctor say to the tonsil?
"you are so cute, i think i will take you out tonight!"

where do rabbits go when they get married?
on their bunnymoon.

how do you stop a snake from striking?
pay it decent wages!

Why did the grandma put roller skates on her rocking chair?

Why?

Because she wanted to ROCK&ROLL !

Are you sirius?

This was one very odd joke which I don't get at all:

Why does the pig say oink?
'cause it wants more food!

^It was made by a 1st grader-I don't get it at all.

my friend DAVID lost his ID. we call him DAVE now. get it ,get it. not funny huh

Q: knock knock
R:who's there
A: it's the pizza delivery guy stupid! ^V^
-

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to. *fake laughs*

Democratic republic. ._.;

Haha you. Lol, kidding :D

link

why was the queen good at mesureing? she is a ruler get it? *shoots my self*

Wuts the Internets favorite animal?
A lynx...Horrible joke

Q. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?

A. Flood lights!

Q. What do computers do when they get hungry?

A. They eat chips!

Q. Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?

A. Because they're all in High School!

Q. Which is the longest word in the dictionary?

A. "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!

Q. Which month do soldiers hate most?

A. The month of March!

Q. What did the painter say to the wall?

A. One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!

Q. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

A. In case they get a hole in one!

Q. What did the the tie say to the hat?

A. You go on a head, I'll just hang around!

Q. What would you call two banana skins?

A. A pair of slippers

Q. Why did a man put his money in the freezer?

A. BECAUSE HE WANTED SOME COLD-HARD CASH!

Q. What disappears when you stand up?

A. Your lap.

Q. What did the big firecracker say to the little firecracker?

A. My pop is bigger than yours.

Q. What did the big chimney say to the small chimney?

A. You are too little to smoke.

Q. What do you call a surgeon with eight arms?

A. A doctopus!

Q. Why did the teacher jump into the lake?

A. Because she wanted to test the waters!

Q. Why did the belt go to jail?

A. Because it held up a pair of pants!

Q. What is the center of gravity?

A. The letter V!

Q. What did the stamp say to the envelope?

A. Stick with me and we will go places!

Q. What sort of star is dangerous?

A. A shooting star!

Q. Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows?

A. He wanted the lesson to be very clear!

Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?

A. A turkey!

Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?

A. A stomach-cake!

Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

A. He felt crummy!

Q. When does a cart come before a horse?

A. In the dictionary!

Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

A. She couldn't control her pupils!

Q. What do you get when you put a fish and an elephant together?

A. Swimming trunks.

Q. What goes up when the rain comes down?

A. An umbrella

Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?

A. With cabbage patches!

Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?

A. Because it makes you break out!

Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?

A. Mockaroni!

Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?

A. He has a lot of ketchup time!

Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?

A. He couldn't concentrate!

Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?

A. Tomato Paste!

Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

A. Because his parents were in a jam!

Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?

A. Patty!

Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?

A. A deviled egg!

Q. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?

A. A ladder in her stocking!

Q. What did one virus say to another?

A. Stay away, I think I've got penicillin!

Q. What did the tie say to the hat?

A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around!

Q. What pet makes the loudest noise?

A. A trum-pet!

Q. What is a tornado?

A. Mother nature doing the twist!



Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Q. How do you tease fruit?

A. Banananananananana!

Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?

A. Because he wanted to work over-time!

Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?

A. Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?

A. Jell-o!

Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?

A. When you're eating a watermelon!

Q. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?

A. No thanks, I'm stuffed!

Q. Why did the barber win the race?

A. Because he took a short cut.

Q. What's taken before you get it?

A. Your picture.

Q. Why did the tree go to the dentist?

A. To get a root canal.

Q. Why did the child study in the airplane?

A. He wanted a higher education!

Q. Why was the broom late?

A. It over swept!

Q. Why were the giant's fingers only eleven inches long?

A. Because if they were twelve inches long, they'd be a foot.

Q. What is invisible and smells like carrots?

A. Bunny Farts!

Q. What runs but can't walk?

A. The faucet!

Q. What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?

A. A water bed!

Q. What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?

A. Firecrackers!

Q. Where's Finnick?

A. O-dair he is

A man walked into a bar

he says ouch