Hello. About a year ago, I wrote this fanfic called MLP: Mafias Are Dangerous. Me, and Someonebutnoone worked together, and he let me use his OC named Dan. Here it is again.
Since Twilight Sparkle became a princess, she made some idiotic decisions. She tried to steal Pinkie Pie's treasure in Pinkie's Treasure Hunt, but now she created a law that made many ponies go apeshit. No pony can drink alcoholic beverages.
Many ponies formed a mafia, and there were six of them in Manehattan.
The Ponyville mafia was lead by Rainbow Dash, and Dan.
The Manehattan mafia was lead by a pony named Nickel Lesscage.
A russian mafia lead by Boris. A Mexican Mafia lead by John.
The Japanese mafia is lead by an alicorn named Fuku, and finally the greasers.
All of this started with the PV mafia when they were having a party.
Dan: We are having a great party.
Rainbow Dash: Yes we are. I got a pony named Jimmy Fountain to perform. He's really good, but there's a problem.
Dan: What's that?
30 minutes earlier
Jimmy: Are you the leader of this mafia?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah. How can I help you?
Jimmy: I'm trying to act in this movie, and everyone thinks I have what it takes but uhh. This pony - the director - won't give it to me. He's saying I'll never make it, but the main character has a personality like mine, so all I have to do is be myself. Oh god I don't know what to do. *cries*
Rainbow Dash: YOU CAN ACT LIKE A STALLION!! What's the matter with you? Is this how you act when being rejected? Oh what can I do? *pretends to cry*
Applejack: *laughs*
Rainbow Dash: Now first thing to do is fix you up. You look terrible. Now get yourself a better suit, and come back here in 20 minutes. I'll send one of my best men to handle the job.
Jimmy: What if he doesn't give me that part of the film?
Rainbow Dash: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
So Dash sent Dan, and Rarity into Los Pegasus to deal with the director of the movie. It was a romantic war film called Love, and Grenades, directed by Steven Reelburg.
Dan arrived in a part of Las Pegasus known as Howlywood. It recieved it's name due to the many ponies that hunted wolves, before the town became famous for the movie industry.
Dan: Can you tell me where Steven Reelburg is?
Flimflam bros worker: He's over there.
Dan: How did Flim & Flam get a movie business? *walks to Steven Reelburg*
Steve: Cut, and print. Alright everypony take 5.
Dan: Excuse me.
Steve: You must be the pony Rainbow Dash sent.
Dan: Yes, and I need to have a word with you, about Jimmy Fountain.
Steve: Oh I know what you're up to you son of a bitch! Let me just remind you one time. Jimmy Fountain will never get that part!
Dan: Alright. Sorry for bringing that up. Why don't we settle it over dinner?
Steve: I don't know. (Never had someone in part of the mafia in my home, why not?)
So Steven Reelburg invited Dan, and a few other ponyville mafia members to his house for dinner.
Dan: So why can't Jimmy Fountain get a part of Love & Grenades?
Steve: He's not good enough.
Dan: The main character is just like him.
Steve: He still isn't good enough, and he'll never get that part!
Dan: (We'll see about that.)
1 hour later
Rarity: Where does Stevie keep his humans?
Dan: Inside this building. We'll take his pride male, and chop the head off.
Rarity: *grabs axe*
The next morning. Steven Reelburg woke up to a huge surprise.
Steve: *finds blood* what the? *lifts blanket*
I don't wanna tell you what he found there, but let me tell you it made him scream for three hours straight!
Back in Manehattan, Rainbow Dash had an important job for Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie: Is she in there?
Rarity: Yeah.
Pinkie Pie: Hi Dashie!
Rainbow Dash: Hello Pinkie Pie. I have a job for you. I'm a little worried about Lesscage. He's making more money then us, and I wanna know why. I want you to pretend you're not happy with your life here, and join them. Find out what you can for me.
Pinkie Pie: Ok. *bounces away*
Later at a place called Shazam
Nickel: What do you want?
Pinkie Pie: to join you guys.
Manehattan pony23: Her mane is deflated.
Nickel: I know! So you wanna join our organization?
Pinkie Pie: Ja! Can I? Can I?! I think I can, but can I?
Nickel: Ok. Have a cigarette. *lights for Pinkie*
Pinkie Pie: I don't smoke, but I'll have some beer.
Manehattan pony23: Have as much as ya want.
Nickel: We'll pay you 25,000 bits. Sound good?
Pinkie Pie: Eeyup.
Nickel: Grazi *grabs knife*
Manehattan pony 23: *stabs Pinkie's hoof*
Nickel: *stab's Pinkie's neck*
Pinkie Pie: *choking*
Nickel: *kills Pinkie Pie*
Manehattan pony23: Damn that Rainbow Dash. what do we do now?
Nickel: I'll tell you what we do.
Later that day nearly all of the mane 6 were hanging in the Ponyville Compound.
Dan: Looks like we got something from Manehattan.
Applejack: *opens package* What the fuck is this?
Dan: Their way of letting us know that Pinkie Pie is sleeping with the fishes.
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie's dead?
Big Mac: Unfortunately, eeyup.
Dan: Do you always say eeyup?
Big Mac: Nope.
Dan: Do you always say that?
Big Mac: When I disagree eeyup.
The next day was the beginning of summer. And everyone in the Ponyville mafia was celebrating.
Rainbow Dash: 5 oranges please.
Orange seller: Sure.
Manehattan pony6: *drives into alleyway* Leave the car running.
Manehattan pony45: Ok.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
Manehattan ponies: *run toward Dash*
Big Mac: *spots ponies*
Manehattan ponies: *shoot Rainbow Dash*
Rainbow Dash: *drops oranges* Kill those guys!
Big Mac: *pulls out gun*
Manehattan pony6: *shoots Big Mac*
Manehattan pony45: They're dead. Lets go!
Rainbow Dash: *breathing heavily* Big mac.
Big Mac: Eeyup?
Rainbow Dash: Get Rarity.
15 minutes later Big Mac got Rarity to heal Rainbow Dash. When she got better she needed Rarity, Applejack, and Dan to do something.
Applejack: *eating cookie*
Rarity: Will you stop?
Applejack: Get your own.
Dan: Stop arguing, it's just a cookie.
Applejack: Just a cookie? It has chocolate chip.
Rainbow Dash: Alright you three. Listen up. Nickel Lesscage needs to die. He killed Pinkie, and had some goons nearly killed me. We'll make them think we want to set a truce with them, and team up to kill the other mafias. But really we're putting an end to them.
Dan: How do we do it?
Rainbow Dash: Dan will be the one that kills Nickel Lesscage. Rarity & Applejack will get the gun hidden in the bathroom, at the stall furthest from the door.
Dan: Alright.
Rarity & Applejack: Just one problem.
Rainbow Dash: And what's that?
Rarity: We cannot go into the stallion's bathroom.
Rainbow Dash: Then disguise yourselves as stallions. How hard can it be?!
Rarity: Not hard, it's just so creepy.
Applejack: Don't be a pussy.
Rarity: I am not being a pussy! I'm simply saying that it would feel wierd, not scary.
Rainbow Dash: Well in that case, get the job done.
Applejack & Rarity hid the gun in the bathroom, and talked to Dan on the phone.
Rarity: They should be there in a minute.
Dan: I see a continental, is that them?
Applejack: If it's got Nickel Lesscage then that's the one.
Dan: He's not in there, but his crappy sidekick is.
Applejack: Alright, well kill him.
Dan: With pleasure, but I gotta go now.
Manehattan pony23: Dan, so good to see you.
Dan: Yes, but where's Nickel?
Manehattan pony23: Unfortunately he couldn't make it, so he sent his second highest ranked pony to be here.
2nd pony: That's me.
Dan: I see. Let's grab some dinner.
Manehattan pony23: Lets. *gets in car*
So the Manehattan mob drove onto a bridge when Dan noticed something.
Dan: We heading for Fillydelphia?
Manehattan pony23: Maybe
2nd pony: Turn around
Manehattan pony23: *goes on other side of highway*
2nd: Excellent work *laughs*
Dan: *laughs*
20 minutes after accidentally heading into Fillydelphia, the three ponies arrived at a italian place called La Savita.
Manehattan pony23: So if were to set up a truce with you're mafia, we gotta trust you.
2nd pony: We don't wanna be screwed over.
Dan: And you won't.
Manehattan pony23: It's sad your the only one from your family here.
Dan: I work hard for my family. Whenever Rainbow Dash tells me to do something, I get it done.
2nd pony: That's how everypony should be, taking orders from their bosses.
waiter: Three spaghetti's with meatballs.
Manehattan pony23: Thanks. You got our drinks?
waiter: Yes, two apple ciders, and a Colta cola.
Dan: Thanks.
Manehattan pony23: Why didn't you get any booze?
Dan: Didn't feel like it.
2nd pony: *eats spaghetti* La Savita's food is one of the best in Equestria. Maybe the greatest of all time.
Dan: I hear you. I've been here many times.
Manehattan pony23: Then you already know how good it is.
Dan: I have to use the bathroom. Is that ok?
2nd pony: Well when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Manehattan pony23: Search him.
2nd pony: Don't have to, he's clean.
Dan: *walks into bathroom*
While Dan went looking for the gun, the other two ponies were eating their dinner.
Dan: Got it *flushes toilet*
Manehattan pony23: You're back, good. Now where were we?
2nd pony: We were discussing our truce. We won't attack you anymore, and we'll assist you with whoever you're against.
La Savita is by train tracks, and when a train passed that's when Dan did it.
Dan: *kills Manehattan pony23*
2nd pony: O_O
Dan: *shoots 2nd pony's head twice*
Mr. Savita: What is this?
Dan: *leaves restaurant*
After killing a couple of Manehattan's top ponies, Dan had to skip town, and deal with things in Vanhoover. During that Pinkie Pie returned.
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash, I found out what Nickel Lesscage does to make more money.
Rainbow Dash: About time. We were trying to kill him, but we weren't able to.
Pinkie Pie: He makes a lot of it at the docks, smuggling in illegal cider.
Rainbow Dash: Thanks for telling me.
Pinkie Pie: No problem Dashie. I'm gonna leave now since you're busy.
Rainbow Dash: Ok, but could you do something for me first?
Pinkie Pie: What do you want me to do?
Rainbow Dash: Two things. If you died three days ago, where were you, and how did you come back to life.
Pinkie Pie: Twilight brought me back to life, and I had a looooooong sleepover.
Rainbow Dash: You didn't tell her anything about our organization did you?
Pinkie Pie: Nein! I made a Pinkie Promise.
Rainbow Dash: Good, because Big Mac ratted us out to the feds, and now he needs to be dealt with.
Pinkie Pie: What do I need to do?
Dash filled her in about what was going on, first she had to drive to where Babs Seed lived, because Applejack was there with her family.
Big Mac: I really appreciate having you take me to the beach sis.
Applejack: No problem Macintosh, y'all need it aftah workin hard.
Pinkie Pie: *drives toward Big Mac*
Big Mac: What's Pinkie Pie doin here?
Applejack: Ah invited her.
Pinkie Pie: Come on you two. We need to get a move on!
Granny Smith: Don't forget the cannolis.
Applejack: Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Big Mac: She told us that 80 times.
Pinkie Pie: That doesn't mean you should be mean to her. She's an old mare.
Applejack: I love Granny smith, but she can be a pain at times.
Big Mac: Eeyup.
2 hours later
Pinkie Pie: I gotta pee badly! *pulls over*
Big Mac: Wow.
Applejack: *locks doors*
Pinkie Pie: *peeing in bush*
Applejack: *kills Big Mac*
Pinkie Pie: Wunderbar.
Applejack: Leave the car, take the canolis.
Back at the Ponyville's compound
Rainbow Dash: Is it done?
Pinkie Pie: It's done.
Rainbow Dash: Excellent.
But the next few days were not excellent, for Applejack anyway.
Applebloom: Applejack there you are!
Applejack: What's wrong lil sis?
Applebloom: Diamond Tiara moved into Manehattan, and she keeps bullying me.
Babs: She even beat up a cop trying to stop her.
Applebloom: *cries*
Applejack: Don't worry A.B. Ah'll handle this.
7 minutes later
Fuku: I'm grad you deart with Apprejack's sister.
Diamond Tiara: She's always a problem. Especially since she's in a different mafia.
Applejack: *drives toward Tiara* Come here you prick!
Diamond Tiara: *runs*
Applejack: *throws pipe at Tiara*
Diamond Tiara: *falls on sidewalk*
Applejack: *beats up Diamond Tiara*
Fuku: What the fuck?
Applejack: *bites Diamond Tiara's hoof*
Diamond Tiara: *screams*
Applejack: *throws garbage can at Diamond Tiara, and continues hitting her*
Diamond Tiara: *laying on sidewalk*
Applejack: Stop with the bullying. Mah sister can't take it. *kicks Diamond Tiara into water*
Several minutes after beating up Diamond Tiara, Applejack went back to her family's place.
granny smith: A.J. I just got a call from the cops saying that you beat up a filly.
Applejack: She made fun of Applebloom, and beat up a police officer.
granny smith: Well that doesn't mean you can beat the crap out of them.
Applejack: Yeah it does.
A few minutes after talking with granny smith, Applejack got in her car, got Rarity, and returned to Granny Smith.
Rarity: Why am I here?
Applejack: Just keep an eye on them *floors it*
Applebloom: Applejack?! Where ya goin?
Applejack: *drives toward toll booth*
toll pony: 2 bits.
Applejack: *pays toll* Come on you friggin moron! Move! *honks horn*
russian pony123: *drives backward*
toll pony: *lays on floor*
Then every pony from every mafia appeared with tommy guns, and
Applejack: What is this?
mafia ponies: *shoot at Applejack*
Applejack: *gets out of car*
mafia ponies: *shoot Applejack*
Applejack: Aaaahhhhhhhh
mafia ponies: *continue shooting*
Applejack: *falls dead*
Japanese pony46: *shoots and kicks Applejack*
After the job was done Rarity arrived with Applebloom, and the other cutie mark crusaders. They were very sad to see their friend dead.
Meanwhile at Vanhoover
Dan: I have to go back soon.
stripper: Come on baby, I need someone to accompany me.
Dan: Look, I know you're the most sexiest mare in all of Equestria, but I really need to go.
Bartender: I got some pony on the phone looking for Dan?
Dan: That's me. *grabs phone* Hello?
Rainbow Dash: I need you back now.
Dan: Why what happened?
Rainbow Dash: Every mafia is going against us.
Dan: I'm on my way. *leaves strip club*
When Dan got back, Rainbow Dash was at Walicorn street with the other leaders of the mafia.
Rainbow Dash: I called you all here to stop this.
Fuku: Why?
Rainbow Dash: We're killing ourselves instead of Manehattan, or others that don't live the way we do.
Nickel: Maybe we like it that way.
Boris: Da. Why should we set up a truce?
Rainbow Dash: Because I want to. All of your members killed Applejack, and I don't want anymore of my friends being killed.
greaser leader: We supplied the guns, but none of us killed your friend.
Rainbow Dash: Your group counts, because guns kill ponies.
John: It's not the gun that kills ponies, it's whoever had their hoof pull the trigger. They're the ones that kill ponies, sometimes without guns.
Rainbow Dash: That's interesting, but are we having a truce or not?
All: Sure.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
After the meeting at Walicorn street, there were two new members of the Ponyville Mafia. A pegasus named Mike, and a hedgehog with a '69 corvette.
Rainbow Dash: Welcome you two.
Sean: Thanks for having us.
Mike: It's good to be here.
Rainbow Dash: Right, well I'm giving you your first job. A company in St. Foalis has been paying us a lot of money, but now they're thinking of not paying us. You two need to convince them to keep paying us, otherwise we won't have much money.
Sean: We're on it.
Rainbow Dash: I'm gonna have Dan go with you two to make sure things go smooth.
Sean: I can't have more then two people in my car.
Mike: I can fly, and Dan can sit in your car.
Rainbow Dash: Does it matter what you do? Just get the job done.
Sean: We're going now. *leaves room*
St. Foalis has a really cool arch that greets anypony entering the city, if your not coming from Las Pegasus or any city west from that.
Dan: Where is this company?
Sean: Over there. The warehouse with that blue Canterlot parked by it.
The three of us make our way in the warehouse killing a few ponies standing in our way.
warehouse owner: What do you want?
Sean: Why did you stop paying Rainbow Dash?
warehouse owner: I can't pay her all the time!
Mike: Well we need our money!
Sean: Here's how this is gonna work out. You only have to pay us once a week instead of twice, but the price will be doubled.
warehouse owner: I'm not doing that.
Dan: We better hurry. The cops will be here soon!
Sean: Either pay us double once a week or I pop a cap into your skull!
warehouse owner: Fine! I'll pay up!
We escaped, just before the cops arrived.
After returning from St. Foalis we discovered that Rainbow Dash was no where to be seen.
Sean: Where'd she go?
Pinkie Pie: She went to be with Scootaloo.
The two pegasi were at Cloudsdale celebrating for Scootaloo. She just passed flight school, and the two were having lunch together.
Scootaloo: Everypony thought I was amazing.
Rainbow Dash: They sure did. What kind of Pizza do you want?
Scootaloo: One with sausage, and onions.
Rainbow Dash: Good choices. And to drink?
Scootaloo: I guess I'll have a Dr. Whoover.
Rainbow Dash went to order the pizza, and drinks when she noticed a alicorn fly by.
Rainbow Dash: Can I have a pie of sausage, with onions?
cashier: Sure. Coming right up.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
Scootaloo: Did you get our order?
Rainbow Dash: It'll be here soon.
japanese pony23: Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah what?
japanese pony23: Fuku Hakumara sends his regards *kills Rainbow Dash*
Scootaloo: You asshole!
Japanese pony23: *kills scootaloo* Anyone erse wanna carr me an asshore?
customers: no.
Fluttershy found Rainbow Dash in the pizza shop two days ago, so when Rarity tried to bring her back to life, it didn't work.
Applejack: How come it worked when ya brought me back to life?
Rarity: I have to do it under 24 hours.
Applejack: We need dash back now!
Dan: Alright, we need to make a plan to kill the leaders of the other mafias, and have Rarity time travel to the day before Rainbow Dash's death.
Pinkie Pie: But who's going to lead us?
Dan: I will.
So Dan's plan was set. But he had to go to a baptism and have others get the job done.
Reverend: We are gathered here today to have this beautiful foal baptized, and give him a godfather.
Mike: *loads pistol*
Reverend: Dan. Do you believe in god?
Dan: I do.
Pinkie Pie: *polishes car*
Sean: *dresses up as police officer*
Reverend: And in Jesus chirst, his son?
Dan: I do?
While Dan was going through the baptism we were getting ready for killing the other bosses.
Sean: Get outta the car.
Boris: What?
Sean: Get outta the car.
Pinkie Pie: *climbing stairs*
Mike: *getting shave*
reverend: The foal named Leonardo Donatelli will be baptized soon, but first we must go through the ritual
russians: What's going on?
Sean: Giving this pony a ticket for parking near a fire hydrant.
Mike: *waits by stairs*
Pinkie Pie: *waits by elevator*
John: *getting massage*
Reverend: Dan. Do you renounce Satan?
Nickel: I thought I killed you!!
Pinkie Pie: *kicks Nick, and shoots him*
Dan: I do renounce them.
Fluttershy: *walks into room*
John: Shouldn't you wait before I finish?
Fluttershy: *kills John*
Reverend: And all his works?
Mike: *climbs up stairs*
Fuku: *walks into slidedoor*
Mike: *locks door*
Fuku: REAVE ME ARONE! I'RR USE MAGIC!!
Mike: *kills Fuku*
Dan: I do renounce them.
Rarity & Applejack: *barge into room*
greaser leader: Hey!
mare 23: WE'RE HAVING SEX!
Rarity & Applejack: *kill both ponies*
reverend: And all his prompts?
Dan: I do renounce them
Sean: *kills 3 russians*
Boris: *runs up stairs*
Sean: *shoots boris*
Boris: *rolls down stairs dead*
Sean: *drives away*
Reverend: Dan. Will you be baptized?
Dan: I will.
Reverend: *baptizes foal* Dan, go to peace, and may Celestia be with you. A-men.
It was all over, and Rainbow Dash was alive again just as it all ended.
Rainbow Dash: But not all of it's over.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rainbow Dash: Before we leave this city, there is still one more pony we have to deal with.
Mike: Who do we have to deal with?
Rainbow Dash: I found out another pony has been feeding info about our work to other mafias.
Dan: Who is it?
Rainbow Dash: Diamond Tiara.
Dan: I should have known.
Applejack: Let's kill her.
Rainbow Dash: Alright, but we have to do it before she leaves for Ponyville.
Applejack: Then lets kill her now, the sooner the better.
Applejack pulled up to Diamond Tiara's house with Pinkie Pie sitting in the back.
Silverspoon: We're moving back the same time that the CMC is.
Diamond Tiara: I cannot wait to make fun of them again.
Applejack: Howdy you two.
Diamond Tiara: You're not gonna beat me up again, are you?
Applejack: As long as ya don't make fun of mah sister, or her friends Ah won't. Why don't Ah give ya a ride to the airport?
Silverspoon: Sure.
applejack: Not you, Tiara.
Diamond Tiara: Get my name right.
Applejack: Sorry, (not)
So Diamond tiara went to load her stuff into the car, and sit in the front next to Applejack
Pinkie Pie: Hello Tiara.
Applejack: *starts car*
Pinkie Pie: *chokes Diamond Tiara*
Applejack: *drives*
Diamond Tiara: *breaks front window, and dies*
A few hours later, Granny Smith went to the compound to see her sister.
Dan: She's a little busy right now.
Granny Smith: With what?
Dan: Packing up for us to move back to Ponyville.
Granny Smith: I thought we would live here forever.
Dan: Maybe you, but not your granddaughter.
Granny Smith: *watches Dan close door*
The end.
Since Twilight Sparkle became a princess, she made some idiotic decisions. She tried to steal Pinkie Pie's treasure in Pinkie's Treasure Hunt, but now she created a law that made many ponies go apeshit. No pony can drink alcoholic beverages.
Many ponies formed a mafia, and there were six of them in Manehattan.
The Ponyville mafia was lead by Rainbow Dash, and Dan.
The Manehattan mafia was lead by a pony named Nickel Lesscage.
A russian mafia lead by Boris. A Mexican Mafia lead by John.
The Japanese mafia is lead by an alicorn named Fuku, and finally the greasers.
All of this started with the PV mafia when they were having a party.
Dan: We are having a great party.
Rainbow Dash: Yes we are. I got a pony named Jimmy Fountain to perform. He's really good, but there's a problem.
Dan: What's that?
30 minutes earlier
Jimmy: Are you the leader of this mafia?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah. How can I help you?
Jimmy: I'm trying to act in this movie, and everyone thinks I have what it takes but uhh. This pony - the director - won't give it to me. He's saying I'll never make it, but the main character has a personality like mine, so all I have to do is be myself. Oh god I don't know what to do. *cries*
Rainbow Dash: YOU CAN ACT LIKE A STALLION!! What's the matter with you? Is this how you act when being rejected? Oh what can I do? *pretends to cry*
Applejack: *laughs*
Rainbow Dash: Now first thing to do is fix you up. You look terrible. Now get yourself a better suit, and come back here in 20 minutes. I'll send one of my best men to handle the job.
Jimmy: What if he doesn't give me that part of the film?
Rainbow Dash: I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.
So Dash sent Dan, and Rarity into Los Pegasus to deal with the director of the movie. It was a romantic war film called Love, and Grenades, directed by Steven Reelburg.
Dan arrived in a part of Las Pegasus known as Howlywood. It recieved it's name due to the many ponies that hunted wolves, before the town became famous for the movie industry.
Dan: Can you tell me where Steven Reelburg is?
Flimflam bros worker: He's over there.
Dan: How did Flim & Flam get a movie business? *walks to Steven Reelburg*
Steve: Cut, and print. Alright everypony take 5.
Dan: Excuse me.
Steve: You must be the pony Rainbow Dash sent.
Dan: Yes, and I need to have a word with you, about Jimmy Fountain.
Steve: Oh I know what you're up to you son of a bitch! Let me just remind you one time. Jimmy Fountain will never get that part!
Dan: Alright. Sorry for bringing that up. Why don't we settle it over dinner?
Steve: I don't know. (Never had someone in part of the mafia in my home, why not?)
So Steven Reelburg invited Dan, and a few other ponyville mafia members to his house for dinner.
Dan: So why can't Jimmy Fountain get a part of Love & Grenades?
Steve: He's not good enough.
Dan: The main character is just like him.
Steve: He still isn't good enough, and he'll never get that part!
Dan: (We'll see about that.)
1 hour later
Rarity: Where does Stevie keep his humans?
Dan: Inside this building. We'll take his pride male, and chop the head off.
Rarity: *grabs axe*
The next morning. Steven Reelburg woke up to a huge surprise.
Steve: *finds blood* what the? *lifts blanket*
I don't wanna tell you what he found there, but let me tell you it made him scream for three hours straight!
Back in Manehattan, Rainbow Dash had an important job for Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie: Is she in there?
Rarity: Yeah.
Pinkie Pie: Hi Dashie!
Rainbow Dash: Hello Pinkie Pie. I have a job for you. I'm a little worried about Lesscage. He's making more money then us, and I wanna know why. I want you to pretend you're not happy with your life here, and join them. Find out what you can for me.
Pinkie Pie: Ok. *bounces away*
Later at a place called Shazam
Nickel: What do you want?
Pinkie Pie: to join you guys.
Manehattan pony23: Her mane is deflated.
Nickel: I know! So you wanna join our organization?
Pinkie Pie: Ja! Can I? Can I?! I think I can, but can I?
Nickel: Ok. Have a cigarette. *lights for Pinkie*
Pinkie Pie: I don't smoke, but I'll have some beer.
Manehattan pony23: Have as much as ya want.
Nickel: We'll pay you 25,000 bits. Sound good?
Pinkie Pie: Eeyup.
Nickel: Grazi *grabs knife*
Manehattan pony 23: *stabs Pinkie's hoof*
Nickel: *stab's Pinkie's neck*
Pinkie Pie: *choking*
Nickel: *kills Pinkie Pie*
Manehattan pony23: Damn that Rainbow Dash. what do we do now?
Nickel: I'll tell you what we do.
Later that day nearly all of the mane 6 were hanging in the Ponyville Compound.
Dan: Looks like we got something from Manehattan.
Applejack: *opens package* What the fuck is this?
Dan: Their way of letting us know that Pinkie Pie is sleeping with the fishes.
Rainbow Dash: Pinkie's dead?
Big Mac: Unfortunately, eeyup.
Dan: Do you always say eeyup?
Big Mac: Nope.
Dan: Do you always say that?
Big Mac: When I disagree eeyup.
The next day was the beginning of summer. And everyone in the Ponyville mafia was celebrating.
Rainbow Dash: 5 oranges please.
Orange seller: Sure.
Manehattan pony6: *drives into alleyway* Leave the car running.
Manehattan pony45: Ok.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
Manehattan ponies: *run toward Dash*
Big Mac: *spots ponies*
Manehattan ponies: *shoot Rainbow Dash*
Rainbow Dash: *drops oranges* Kill those guys!
Big Mac: *pulls out gun*
Manehattan pony6: *shoots Big Mac*
Manehattan pony45: They're dead. Lets go!
Rainbow Dash: *breathing heavily* Big mac.
Big Mac: Eeyup?
Rainbow Dash: Get Rarity.
15 minutes later Big Mac got Rarity to heal Rainbow Dash. When she got better she needed Rarity, Applejack, and Dan to do something.
Applejack: *eating cookie*
Rarity: Will you stop?
Applejack: Get your own.
Dan: Stop arguing, it's just a cookie.
Applejack: Just a cookie? It has chocolate chip.
Rainbow Dash: Alright you three. Listen up. Nickel Lesscage needs to die. He killed Pinkie, and had some goons nearly killed me. We'll make them think we want to set a truce with them, and team up to kill the other mafias. But really we're putting an end to them.
Dan: How do we do it?
Rainbow Dash: Dan will be the one that kills Nickel Lesscage. Rarity & Applejack will get the gun hidden in the bathroom, at the stall furthest from the door.
Dan: Alright.
Rarity & Applejack: Just one problem.
Rainbow Dash: And what's that?
Rarity: We cannot go into the stallion's bathroom.
Rainbow Dash: Then disguise yourselves as stallions. How hard can it be?!
Rarity: Not hard, it's just so creepy.
Applejack: Don't be a pussy.
Rarity: I am not being a pussy! I'm simply saying that it would feel wierd, not scary.
Rainbow Dash: Well in that case, get the job done.
Applejack & Rarity hid the gun in the bathroom, and talked to Dan on the phone.
Rarity: They should be there in a minute.
Dan: I see a continental, is that them?
Applejack: If it's got Nickel Lesscage then that's the one.
Dan: He's not in there, but his crappy sidekick is.
Applejack: Alright, well kill him.
Dan: With pleasure, but I gotta go now.
Manehattan pony23: Dan, so good to see you.
Dan: Yes, but where's Nickel?
Manehattan pony23: Unfortunately he couldn't make it, so he sent his second highest ranked pony to be here.
2nd pony: That's me.
Dan: I see. Let's grab some dinner.
Manehattan pony23: Lets. *gets in car*
So the Manehattan mob drove onto a bridge when Dan noticed something.
Dan: We heading for Fillydelphia?
Manehattan pony23: Maybe
2nd pony: Turn around
Manehattan pony23: *goes on other side of highway*
2nd: Excellent work *laughs*
Dan: *laughs*
20 minutes after accidentally heading into Fillydelphia, the three ponies arrived at a italian place called La Savita.
Manehattan pony23: So if were to set up a truce with you're mafia, we gotta trust you.
2nd pony: We don't wanna be screwed over.
Dan: And you won't.
Manehattan pony23: It's sad your the only one from your family here.
Dan: I work hard for my family. Whenever Rainbow Dash tells me to do something, I get it done.
2nd pony: That's how everypony should be, taking orders from their bosses.
waiter: Three spaghetti's with meatballs.
Manehattan pony23: Thanks. You got our drinks?
waiter: Yes, two apple ciders, and a Colta cola.
Dan: Thanks.
Manehattan pony23: Why didn't you get any booze?
Dan: Didn't feel like it.
2nd pony: *eats spaghetti* La Savita's food is one of the best in Equestria. Maybe the greatest of all time.
Dan: I hear you. I've been here many times.
Manehattan pony23: Then you already know how good it is.
Dan: I have to use the bathroom. Is that ok?
2nd pony: Well when you gotta go, you gotta go.
Manehattan pony23: Search him.
2nd pony: Don't have to, he's clean.
Dan: *walks into bathroom*
While Dan went looking for the gun, the other two ponies were eating their dinner.
Dan: Got it *flushes toilet*
Manehattan pony23: You're back, good. Now where were we?
2nd pony: We were discussing our truce. We won't attack you anymore, and we'll assist you with whoever you're against.
La Savita is by train tracks, and when a train passed that's when Dan did it.
Dan: *kills Manehattan pony23*
2nd pony: O_O
Dan: *shoots 2nd pony's head twice*
Mr. Savita: What is this?
Dan: *leaves restaurant*
After killing a couple of Manehattan's top ponies, Dan had to skip town, and deal with things in Vanhoover. During that Pinkie Pie returned.
Pinkie Pie: Rainbow Dash, I found out what Nickel Lesscage does to make more money.
Rainbow Dash: About time. We were trying to kill him, but we weren't able to.
Pinkie Pie: He makes a lot of it at the docks, smuggling in illegal cider.
Rainbow Dash: Thanks for telling me.
Pinkie Pie: No problem Dashie. I'm gonna leave now since you're busy.
Rainbow Dash: Ok, but could you do something for me first?
Pinkie Pie: What do you want me to do?
Rainbow Dash: Two things. If you died three days ago, where were you, and how did you come back to life.
Pinkie Pie: Twilight brought me back to life, and I had a looooooong sleepover.
Rainbow Dash: You didn't tell her anything about our organization did you?
Pinkie Pie: Nein! I made a Pinkie Promise.
Rainbow Dash: Good, because Big Mac ratted us out to the feds, and now he needs to be dealt with.
Pinkie Pie: What do I need to do?
Dash filled her in about what was going on, first she had to drive to where Babs Seed lived, because Applejack was there with her family.
Big Mac: I really appreciate having you take me to the beach sis.
Applejack: No problem Macintosh, y'all need it aftah workin hard.
Pinkie Pie: *drives toward Big Mac*
Big Mac: What's Pinkie Pie doin here?
Applejack: Ah invited her.
Pinkie Pie: Come on you two. We need to get a move on!
Granny Smith: Don't forget the cannolis.
Applejack: Yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Big Mac: She told us that 80 times.
Pinkie Pie: That doesn't mean you should be mean to her. She's an old mare.
Applejack: I love Granny smith, but she can be a pain at times.
Big Mac: Eeyup.
2 hours later
Pinkie Pie: I gotta pee badly! *pulls over*
Big Mac: Wow.
Applejack: *locks doors*
Pinkie Pie: *peeing in bush*
Applejack: *kills Big Mac*
Pinkie Pie: Wunderbar.
Applejack: Leave the car, take the canolis.
Back at the Ponyville's compound
Rainbow Dash: Is it done?
Pinkie Pie: It's done.
Rainbow Dash: Excellent.
But the next few days were not excellent, for Applejack anyway.
Applebloom: Applejack there you are!
Applejack: What's wrong lil sis?
Applebloom: Diamond Tiara moved into Manehattan, and she keeps bullying me.
Babs: She even beat up a cop trying to stop her.
Applebloom: *cries*
Applejack: Don't worry A.B. Ah'll handle this.
7 minutes later
Fuku: I'm grad you deart with Apprejack's sister.
Diamond Tiara: She's always a problem. Especially since she's in a different mafia.
Applejack: *drives toward Tiara* Come here you prick!
Diamond Tiara: *runs*
Applejack: *throws pipe at Tiara*
Diamond Tiara: *falls on sidewalk*
Applejack: *beats up Diamond Tiara*
Fuku: What the fuck?
Applejack: *bites Diamond Tiara's hoof*
Diamond Tiara: *screams*
Applejack: *throws garbage can at Diamond Tiara, and continues hitting her*
Diamond Tiara: *laying on sidewalk*
Applejack: Stop with the bullying. Mah sister can't take it. *kicks Diamond Tiara into water*
Several minutes after beating up Diamond Tiara, Applejack went back to her family's place.
granny smith: A.J. I just got a call from the cops saying that you beat up a filly.
Applejack: She made fun of Applebloom, and beat up a police officer.
granny smith: Well that doesn't mean you can beat the crap out of them.
Applejack: Yeah it does.
A few minutes after talking with granny smith, Applejack got in her car, got Rarity, and returned to Granny Smith.
Rarity: Why am I here?
Applejack: Just keep an eye on them *floors it*
Applebloom: Applejack?! Where ya goin?
Applejack: *drives toward toll booth*
toll pony: 2 bits.
Applejack: *pays toll* Come on you friggin moron! Move! *honks horn*
russian pony123: *drives backward*
toll pony: *lays on floor*
Then every pony from every mafia appeared with tommy guns, and
Applejack: What is this?
mafia ponies: *shoot at Applejack*
Applejack: *gets out of car*
mafia ponies: *shoot Applejack*
Applejack: Aaaahhhhhhhh
mafia ponies: *continue shooting*
Applejack: *falls dead*
Japanese pony46: *shoots and kicks Applejack*
After the job was done Rarity arrived with Applebloom, and the other cutie mark crusaders. They were very sad to see their friend dead.
Meanwhile at Vanhoover
Dan: I have to go back soon.
stripper: Come on baby, I need someone to accompany me.
Dan: Look, I know you're the most sexiest mare in all of Equestria, but I really need to go.
Bartender: I got some pony on the phone looking for Dan?
Dan: That's me. *grabs phone* Hello?
Rainbow Dash: I need you back now.
Dan: Why what happened?
Rainbow Dash: Every mafia is going against us.
Dan: I'm on my way. *leaves strip club*
When Dan got back, Rainbow Dash was at Walicorn street with the other leaders of the mafia.
Rainbow Dash: I called you all here to stop this.
Fuku: Why?
Rainbow Dash: We're killing ourselves instead of Manehattan, or others that don't live the way we do.
Nickel: Maybe we like it that way.
Boris: Da. Why should we set up a truce?
Rainbow Dash: Because I want to. All of your members killed Applejack, and I don't want anymore of my friends being killed.
greaser leader: We supplied the guns, but none of us killed your friend.
Rainbow Dash: Your group counts, because guns kill ponies.
John: It's not the gun that kills ponies, it's whoever had their hoof pull the trigger. They're the ones that kill ponies, sometimes without guns.
Rainbow Dash: That's interesting, but are we having a truce or not?
All: Sure.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
After the meeting at Walicorn street, there were two new members of the Ponyville Mafia. A pegasus named Mike, and a hedgehog with a '69 corvette.
Rainbow Dash: Welcome you two.
Sean: Thanks for having us.
Mike: It's good to be here.
Rainbow Dash: Right, well I'm giving you your first job. A company in St. Foalis has been paying us a lot of money, but now they're thinking of not paying us. You two need to convince them to keep paying us, otherwise we won't have much money.
Sean: We're on it.
Rainbow Dash: I'm gonna have Dan go with you two to make sure things go smooth.
Sean: I can't have more then two people in my car.
Mike: I can fly, and Dan can sit in your car.
Rainbow Dash: Does it matter what you do? Just get the job done.
Sean: We're going now. *leaves room*
St. Foalis has a really cool arch that greets anypony entering the city, if your not coming from Las Pegasus or any city west from that.
Dan: Where is this company?
Sean: Over there. The warehouse with that blue Canterlot parked by it.
The three of us make our way in the warehouse killing a few ponies standing in our way.
warehouse owner: What do you want?
Sean: Why did you stop paying Rainbow Dash?
warehouse owner: I can't pay her all the time!
Mike: Well we need our money!
Sean: Here's how this is gonna work out. You only have to pay us once a week instead of twice, but the price will be doubled.
warehouse owner: I'm not doing that.
Dan: We better hurry. The cops will be here soon!
Sean: Either pay us double once a week or I pop a cap into your skull!
warehouse owner: Fine! I'll pay up!
We escaped, just before the cops arrived.
After returning from St. Foalis we discovered that Rainbow Dash was no where to be seen.
Sean: Where'd she go?
Pinkie Pie: She went to be with Scootaloo.
The two pegasi were at Cloudsdale celebrating for Scootaloo. She just passed flight school, and the two were having lunch together.
Scootaloo: Everypony thought I was amazing.
Rainbow Dash: They sure did. What kind of Pizza do you want?
Scootaloo: One with sausage, and onions.
Rainbow Dash: Good choices. And to drink?
Scootaloo: I guess I'll have a Dr. Whoover.
Rainbow Dash went to order the pizza, and drinks when she noticed a alicorn fly by.
Rainbow Dash: Can I have a pie of sausage, with onions?
cashier: Sure. Coming right up.
Rainbow Dash: Thank you.
Scootaloo: Did you get our order?
Rainbow Dash: It'll be here soon.
japanese pony23: Rainbow Dash?
Rainbow Dash: Yeah what?
japanese pony23: Fuku Hakumara sends his regards *kills Rainbow Dash*
Scootaloo: You asshole!
Japanese pony23: *kills scootaloo* Anyone erse wanna carr me an asshore?
customers: no.
Fluttershy found Rainbow Dash in the pizza shop two days ago, so when Rarity tried to bring her back to life, it didn't work.
Applejack: How come it worked when ya brought me back to life?
Rarity: I have to do it under 24 hours.
Applejack: We need dash back now!
Dan: Alright, we need to make a plan to kill the leaders of the other mafias, and have Rarity time travel to the day before Rainbow Dash's death.
Pinkie Pie: But who's going to lead us?
Dan: I will.
So Dan's plan was set. But he had to go to a baptism and have others get the job done.
Reverend: We are gathered here today to have this beautiful foal baptized, and give him a godfather.
Mike: *loads pistol*
Reverend: Dan. Do you believe in god?
Dan: I do.
Pinkie Pie: *polishes car*
Sean: *dresses up as police officer*
Reverend: And in Jesus chirst, his son?
Dan: I do?
While Dan was going through the baptism we were getting ready for killing the other bosses.
Sean: Get outta the car.
Boris: What?
Sean: Get outta the car.
Pinkie Pie: *climbing stairs*
Mike: *getting shave*
reverend: The foal named Leonardo Donatelli will be baptized soon, but first we must go through the ritual
russians: What's going on?
Sean: Giving this pony a ticket for parking near a fire hydrant.
Mike: *waits by stairs*
Pinkie Pie: *waits by elevator*
John: *getting massage*
Reverend: Dan. Do you renounce Satan?
Nickel: I thought I killed you!!
Pinkie Pie: *kicks Nick, and shoots him*
Dan: I do renounce them.
Fluttershy: *walks into room*
John: Shouldn't you wait before I finish?
Fluttershy: *kills John*
Reverend: And all his works?
Mike: *climbs up stairs*
Fuku: *walks into slidedoor*
Mike: *locks door*
Fuku: REAVE ME ARONE! I'RR USE MAGIC!!
Mike: *kills Fuku*
Dan: I do renounce them.
Rarity & Applejack: *barge into room*
greaser leader: Hey!
mare 23: WE'RE HAVING SEX!
Rarity & Applejack: *kill both ponies*
reverend: And all his prompts?
Dan: I do renounce them
Sean: *kills 3 russians*
Boris: *runs up stairs*
Sean: *shoots boris*
Boris: *rolls down stairs dead*
Sean: *drives away*
Reverend: Dan. Will you be baptized?
Dan: I will.
Reverend: *baptizes foal* Dan, go to peace, and may Celestia be with you. A-men.
It was all over, and Rainbow Dash was alive again just as it all ended.
Rainbow Dash: But not all of it's over.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rainbow Dash: Before we leave this city, there is still one more pony we have to deal with.
Mike: Who do we have to deal with?
Rainbow Dash: I found out another pony has been feeding info about our work to other mafias.
Dan: Who is it?
Rainbow Dash: Diamond Tiara.
Dan: I should have known.
Applejack: Let's kill her.
Rainbow Dash: Alright, but we have to do it before she leaves for Ponyville.
Applejack: Then lets kill her now, the sooner the better.
Applejack pulled up to Diamond Tiara's house with Pinkie Pie sitting in the back.
Silverspoon: We're moving back the same time that the CMC is.
Diamond Tiara: I cannot wait to make fun of them again.
Applejack: Howdy you two.
Diamond Tiara: You're not gonna beat me up again, are you?
Applejack: As long as ya don't make fun of mah sister, or her friends Ah won't. Why don't Ah give ya a ride to the airport?
Silverspoon: Sure.
applejack: Not you, Tiara.
Diamond Tiara: Get my name right.
Applejack: Sorry, (not)
So Diamond tiara went to load her stuff into the car, and sit in the front next to Applejack
Pinkie Pie: Hello Tiara.
Applejack: *starts car*
Pinkie Pie: *chokes Diamond Tiara*
Applejack: *drives*
Diamond Tiara: *breaks front window, and dies*
A few hours later, Granny Smith went to the compound to see her sister.
Dan: She's a little busy right now.
Granny Smith: With what?
Dan: Packing up for us to move back to Ponyville.
Granny Smith: I thought we would live here forever.
Dan: Maybe you, but not your granddaughter.
Granny Smith: *watches Dan close door*
The end.