Warning! some girls probably think that they have read this chapter but actualy this is the new version of the first a few chapters. I have changed the begening of the story because I simply read it carefuly again and thought "What the heck! that totally sucks! I should rewrite those!" again it NOT editing it REWRITING the first a few chapters!
Katrina
Love was nothing but a blurry thing to me, an unknown feeling, and untested experience.
I sat in that blue car with Jack beside me. As usual, he was peacefully quiet. His company never bothered me nor did it make it unsteady for me to concentrate on my own smoke-like thoughts, grey and grimly blurry. I've never been an optimistic person, nor was I such a confident personality. Always feeling empty, always feeling incomplete. Hesitant, never quite sure of my decisions, and always felt that any other person could take my decision instead of deciding myself.
Jack probably understood. He was very much aware of my awkward character and weird behavior. I had never felt that this particular thing in my personality bothered him. For two whole months we've dated and he'd been loving, caring, tender, never annoyed or angry. Forgiving he was, it seemed to me sometimes that he was too forgiving and easily fooled by sweet words.
The fact that he loved me, which I was absolutely sure of, did not change my feelings towards him. I had not loved him. And I deeply think that he was aware of that fact, yet tangled himself in hope. He wanted me to love him no matter what; I wanted to love him, too, but it just wasn't my choice that I always felt uneasy whenever I pictured growing old with Jack. Something was odd about the picture, like that man was not right for me, like there could be someone else who I could truly love and he would make the picture perfect, and he would be the one who would truly fulfill this empty life of mine… empty even with the pleasuring presence of Jack.
Jack cut the engine off, as we stopped in front of that huge building.
'You are going to do great' he assured me with a smile, then rested his hand on mine.
'I hope so' I replied with a shaky tone perfectly matching my smile.
I stepped out of the car gazing at the fancy building. It was a perfect place for a well known firm. Jack worked there and was informed that they needed a receptionist after the one before left her job. And as he knew I wanted a better job than a waitress in a small, old restaurant, so he suggested me and arranged an interview with his boss. He was certain that I was perfect for the job, but I, as usual, was not certain. Or maybe I was just too nervous to think of the possibility of it.
'Hi! You must be Katrina Laurence.' The assistant greeted me politely smiling friendly
I nodded smiling back, though I didn't feel that I wanted to. I was too damn nervous for an unknown reason. But somehow I always thought that I would do or say something wrong and embarrass myself.
'Mr. Edward is currently busy. He'll be with you in seconds. Please be seated.' She pointed to the seat in front of her desk.
I smiled and sat quietly. She was blond, certainly beautiful, with green eyes, well-dressed. She was the kind of women that men liked spending time with, but never took seriously concerning her career or commitment. But when she wore her glasses, somehow, that changed. She seemed like an intelligent, beautiful woman, with high expectations and ambitions, and a great career waiting ahead of her.
I fought the urge of looking over my shoulder and taking a quick glance at my "possible boss" face. His office was glassy and if only I sat on the other chair in front of me I would've seen him by now. Grrrrr! Why haven't I sat on the other chair?! It would be weird to change my place now!
I wondered why Jack was uncomfortable about my question. I asked him how his boss looked like; he flinched, and then sighed 'You'll see yourself'.
That answer was certainly not helpful. The look on his face seemed like the look any other man would give his wife whenever she would look on George Clooney! Well even if Edward is attractive like George Clooney, which was very much unlikely, he would definitely be too old for any of his female employees. If Jack was thirty, older than me with six years, then Edward would be at least forty five, twenty five years older than me, if not older! There was no possibility that a young man would run such a huge firm, when did he start it then?!!
'Hi Maggie' a tall dark-haired woman, with model-like body said.
'Hey Mary! How are you?' Maggie grinned
'Is he busy again' Mary sighed, it seemed almost like whining
'Serena is with him as usual' Maggie sighed back seeming annoyed
'God' Mary complained 'will he ever break up with her??!' she gazed through the glassy office, towards her boss and whoever Serena was. Girlfriend, I suspected.
'You know, they just got engaged, a couple of months ago, it's very much unlikely for them to break up' Maggie said arranging some paper. I felt that she was slightly teasing her angry friend.
'But they are not married yet' Mary continued still looking at them 'And you never quit your dreams, do you?!'
Was she anywhere near serious? She was definitely too young for someone like Edward! Not that I have seen him, but come on!
'No Mary you never quit your dreams, but you have hell of a dream Mary. Seriously marrying Edward Ford?' She said disbelievingly 'Go get a life Mary' She mocked.
I fought to suppress my laugh.
'You don't go after him because you have a boyfriend, but I don't! I'm not breaking any rules here!'
'Mary, wake up for crying out loud! You act like there's no other man but him!'
'No one is like him' Mary sighed and fixed her gaze on the glassy office.
Suddenly she turned her gaze back to Maggie, who seemed too busy to notice her. So she leaned against the office resting her elbows on it, and spoke with a low tone 'You know, there's something wrong going on between them'
Maggie looked at her giving her all of her attention 'What do you mean?' She uttered each word whispering
'She's changed since the last time she went to Paris. Something odd about her behavior'
'What's so odd about it?' Maggie frowned
'Well' She started hesitantly 'It's the way she looks at him, it so ….. Cold. Not the same old look'
'I think you want Edward so badly that you are fantasizing things' Maggie smiled sarcastically
Mary rolled her eyes sighing 'I'm serious, Maggie'
'Oh come on Mary!' She said impatiently then pointed at them saying 'They are perfect together, they are beautiful together!'
'Fine! I'll tell you everything!' She took a deep breath then started calmly 'I was heading towards the bathroom in here the other day, I got in and when I was about to get out, Serena came in fixing her makeup and talking through the phone, of course she wasn't aware of me inside, so she talked freely with some guy. She was saying something like, "Yes baby, don't worry, I'll get rude of him as fast as possible, I'm bored too, and I want to be with you" Of course I waited until she finished and got out of the bathroom until I showed up, so she wouldn't convince Edward to fire me due to the fact that I might expose her.'
I bit my lip, already feeling sorry for Edward, Maggie's mouth hung open and her eyes widened with astonishment 'It didn't happen!' Maggie gasped 'She'll absolutely devastate him!'
'I know she's so cruel!'
'Ok, ok act normal he's coming' Maggie warned her. Mary straitened and fixed her clothes
I held my breath waiting for the man all women seem to be after him.
I heard their approach then stood turning around to face him, and there he was.
WHO'S THE IDIOT WHO'S CHEATING ON HIM??!! Was my first thought!
He was so unbelievably handsome, seems to be young. At that point it didn't matter how old was he, or how rich, he was just the most attractive man I have ever seen! Jack would look so poorly handsome compared to him! He had beautiful blue eyes, white skin, and the most beautiful honey colored hair. He was smiling. His smile was more than enough to dazzle any woman standing in the room!
I was not able to concentrate on anything happening in the room. He was talking to Mary, but I couldn't make any sense of what he was saying. I had to look away to breathe again, but I couldn't.
'Who's the pretty girl?' He smiled eyeing me
I swallowed nervously, my heart beats seemed to be running so fast, and my breathing quickened.
'She's Katrina Laurence. She's here for an interview as the new receptionist' Maggie introduced me.
'Hello Miss Laurence. How are you?' He smiled then reached his hands. I rested mine in his and said absently 'Just Katrina' His smile dazzled me, and his touch made my heart race so violently.
'Alright Katrina, let's get into my office. I believe we won't have a problem as long as you are beautiful, you have passed the worst of the interview' He winked
I smiled nodding nervously.
I followed him to his office. He asked the regular questions, nothing outstanding about the interview except for his smile. He looked so dazzling whenever he smiled that I got distracted from my answer.
'So Katrina' He said at last 'We'll be happy to have as long as you hate gossips.' He winked smiling his smile again. Then he reached his hand as he got up. I rose to my feet, my heart vibrating in harmony with my hands as it rested in his.
Edward
I tried to sneak a few looks on her cell phone.
I analyzed too much may be, but I couldn't just ignore that strong feeling of suspicion every time she looked at me without the usual sparkle in her eyes, or without being able to fake it, I started to suspect after several times of having the same feeling, or even when she refused to talk with her cell phone in front of me, when she felt nervous whenever it rang.
I've had my moments of doubt, of course, but it was never that aching, painful feeling like this time, the feeling that her love have totally faded, or shattered long ago, the feeling that I'm losing her, or rather lost her, that she had slipped from my fingers, crashing to another man's arms… yes a feeling of betrayal. I tried to shake off the idea. But it was hard to let it go, when most of the signs confirmed it.
She visited every day in my office. But her visit seemed out of habit. Somehow it seemed like it was for my sake, so I wouldn't suspect something. She used to visit me before her last visit to Paris, ever since her awkward behavior started, so she just continued with this visit, trying to say nothing had changed.
She sat on the couch. I sat next to her dropping my arm casually on her shoulders. She was thoughtful for a second. I felt that she had something to say but didn't know how to do it.
'So....' I started 'Have you picked your wedding dress yet??' she rested her head on my shoulder, blocking my vision of her face and expressions.
'Umm' she murmured 'I didn't find anything that I really like, it might take a while'
'Yeah sure' I mumbled sighing
It seemed so hard to talk to her casually whenever I felt that aching feeling in my heart. I wanted to tell her everything, I wanted her to tell me that I'm just jealous , that I'm a fool, but something told me if I ever talked to her she would just approve.
Whenever I pictured my life without Serena, I realized it was almost impossible. Serena was everything to me. One lonely man, with nothing but the firm which his father left him to run, and then she came along, with her charming smile, beautiful features, with her gracefulness, with that fierce look in her eyes, her lively passion for life, her clam of believing in true love and soul mates, in all the things that novels described. She said when I first met her 'What we read in novels is not a lie, it's not a fairytale. You can make your own fairytale. It could happen to you someday. It's just not from the first glance or the first touch of hands, it's when you wake up in the morning and find your loved one lying next to you, that's when you know that you have truly lived a fairytale and experienced true love'
Ever since that day I knew Serena wouldn't be just a random woman whom I met once in cocktail party. When I proposed to her, when I saw her eyes full of tears as I placed the ring in her finger, it was as if I got everything I wanted in this world. I only wanted her in my life; I only wanted her to be my partner. I thought that my loneliness would end after she had entered her life.
I looked through my glassy door towards Maggie. As usual Mary was babbling with her about something. I wondered what they talked about all the time then whenever I show up they just shut up. But there was a third girl, her she was sitting on the chair. I couldn't see but the back of her head, and remembered that she's probably here for an interview as the new receptionist. Who needs to interview a receptionist?! All she has to do is answer phones, for crying out loud!
Yet that was a very good reason to test Serena. She used to be pissed off whenever I look at some beautiful girl or give her a complement. I wonder if she still cares about that.
'Serena' I started 'I'm busy, sweetie.'
'Oh' she moved away immediately. Normally she would be upset and argue with me then shift leaves the office. It seemed as if she was relieved that she doesn't have to stay any longer. There is definitely something wrong.
I walked with her out of my office. And as soon as I was out of the office Maggie and Mary stopped talking and both smiled widely. Mary wouldn't stop her childish moves, would she? Which part of 'I'm not interested' is so hard to understand?!
Serena was still by my side when Mary came with a pen so I would sign some papers. I didn't look at the girl until Mary finished babbling, and stopped from trying to stand closer to me.
'Is that all?' I asked lifting my eyes to the beautiful woman standing.
Her hair was brown, her eyes were honey-colored, her features all so innocent, so tender.
'Who' the pretty girl' I asked. First I only wanted to test Serena, but then, I really wanted to give her that complement.
'She's Katrina Laurence. She's here for an interview as the new receptionist' Maggie said.
I glanced at Serena from the corner of my eye and she was messing with her phone, not seeming to notice anything at all.
'Hello Miss Laurence. How are you?' I smiled to her reaching my hand. She seemed shocked. What was so weird about my look? Is it because I'm too young to run the firm that all women stop talking whenever they see me for the first time?
'Just Katrina' she said absently as we shock hands.
'Alright Katrina, let's get into my office. I believe we won't have a problem as long as you are beautiful, you have passed the worst of the interview' I winked to her. I gazed at Serena as I lead her to the office; she was unchanged by any of what happened, I don't think that she had noticed.
She kissed me on my cheek smiling then murmured walking away 'Bye, love'
Serena and I had a lot to talk about.
Katrina
Love was nothing but a blurry thing to me, an unknown feeling, and untested experience.
I sat in that blue car with Jack beside me. As usual, he was peacefully quiet. His company never bothered me nor did it make it unsteady for me to concentrate on my own smoke-like thoughts, grey and grimly blurry. I've never been an optimistic person, nor was I such a confident personality. Always feeling empty, always feeling incomplete. Hesitant, never quite sure of my decisions, and always felt that any other person could take my decision instead of deciding myself.
Jack probably understood. He was very much aware of my awkward character and weird behavior. I had never felt that this particular thing in my personality bothered him. For two whole months we've dated and he'd been loving, caring, tender, never annoyed or angry. Forgiving he was, it seemed to me sometimes that he was too forgiving and easily fooled by sweet words.
The fact that he loved me, which I was absolutely sure of, did not change my feelings towards him. I had not loved him. And I deeply think that he was aware of that fact, yet tangled himself in hope. He wanted me to love him no matter what; I wanted to love him, too, but it just wasn't my choice that I always felt uneasy whenever I pictured growing old with Jack. Something was odd about the picture, like that man was not right for me, like there could be someone else who I could truly love and he would make the picture perfect, and he would be the one who would truly fulfill this empty life of mine… empty even with the pleasuring presence of Jack.
Jack cut the engine off, as we stopped in front of that huge building.
'You are going to do great' he assured me with a smile, then rested his hand on mine.
'I hope so' I replied with a shaky tone perfectly matching my smile.
I stepped out of the car gazing at the fancy building. It was a perfect place for a well known firm. Jack worked there and was informed that they needed a receptionist after the one before left her job. And as he knew I wanted a better job than a waitress in a small, old restaurant, so he suggested me and arranged an interview with his boss. He was certain that I was perfect for the job, but I, as usual, was not certain. Or maybe I was just too nervous to think of the possibility of it.
'Hi! You must be Katrina Laurence.' The assistant greeted me politely smiling friendly
I nodded smiling back, though I didn't feel that I wanted to. I was too damn nervous for an unknown reason. But somehow I always thought that I would do or say something wrong and embarrass myself.
'Mr. Edward is currently busy. He'll be with you in seconds. Please be seated.' She pointed to the seat in front of her desk.
I smiled and sat quietly. She was blond, certainly beautiful, with green eyes, well-dressed. She was the kind of women that men liked spending time with, but never took seriously concerning her career or commitment. But when she wore her glasses, somehow, that changed. She seemed like an intelligent, beautiful woman, with high expectations and ambitions, and a great career waiting ahead of her.
I fought the urge of looking over my shoulder and taking a quick glance at my "possible boss" face. His office was glassy and if only I sat on the other chair in front of me I would've seen him by now. Grrrrr! Why haven't I sat on the other chair?! It would be weird to change my place now!
I wondered why Jack was uncomfortable about my question. I asked him how his boss looked like; he flinched, and then sighed 'You'll see yourself'.
That answer was certainly not helpful. The look on his face seemed like the look any other man would give his wife whenever she would look on George Clooney! Well even if Edward is attractive like George Clooney, which was very much unlikely, he would definitely be too old for any of his female employees. If Jack was thirty, older than me with six years, then Edward would be at least forty five, twenty five years older than me, if not older! There was no possibility that a young man would run such a huge firm, when did he start it then?!!
'Hi Maggie' a tall dark-haired woman, with model-like body said.
'Hey Mary! How are you?' Maggie grinned
'Is he busy again' Mary sighed, it seemed almost like whining
'Serena is with him as usual' Maggie sighed back seeming annoyed
'God' Mary complained 'will he ever break up with her??!' she gazed through the glassy office, towards her boss and whoever Serena was. Girlfriend, I suspected.
'You know, they just got engaged, a couple of months ago, it's very much unlikely for them to break up' Maggie said arranging some paper. I felt that she was slightly teasing her angry friend.
'But they are not married yet' Mary continued still looking at them 'And you never quit your dreams, do you?!'
Was she anywhere near serious? She was definitely too young for someone like Edward! Not that I have seen him, but come on!
'No Mary you never quit your dreams, but you have hell of a dream Mary. Seriously marrying Edward Ford?' She said disbelievingly 'Go get a life Mary' She mocked.
I fought to suppress my laugh.
'You don't go after him because you have a boyfriend, but I don't! I'm not breaking any rules here!'
'Mary, wake up for crying out loud! You act like there's no other man but him!'
'No one is like him' Mary sighed and fixed her gaze on the glassy office.
Suddenly she turned her gaze back to Maggie, who seemed too busy to notice her. So she leaned against the office resting her elbows on it, and spoke with a low tone 'You know, there's something wrong going on between them'
Maggie looked at her giving her all of her attention 'What do you mean?' She uttered each word whispering
'She's changed since the last time she went to Paris. Something odd about her behavior'
'What's so odd about it?' Maggie frowned
'Well' She started hesitantly 'It's the way she looks at him, it so ….. Cold. Not the same old look'
'I think you want Edward so badly that you are fantasizing things' Maggie smiled sarcastically
Mary rolled her eyes sighing 'I'm serious, Maggie'
'Oh come on Mary!' She said impatiently then pointed at them saying 'They are perfect together, they are beautiful together!'
'Fine! I'll tell you everything!' She took a deep breath then started calmly 'I was heading towards the bathroom in here the other day, I got in and when I was about to get out, Serena came in fixing her makeup and talking through the phone, of course she wasn't aware of me inside, so she talked freely with some guy. She was saying something like, "Yes baby, don't worry, I'll get rude of him as fast as possible, I'm bored too, and I want to be with you" Of course I waited until she finished and got out of the bathroom until I showed up, so she wouldn't convince Edward to fire me due to the fact that I might expose her.'
I bit my lip, already feeling sorry for Edward, Maggie's mouth hung open and her eyes widened with astonishment 'It didn't happen!' Maggie gasped 'She'll absolutely devastate him!'
'I know she's so cruel!'
'Ok, ok act normal he's coming' Maggie warned her. Mary straitened and fixed her clothes
I held my breath waiting for the man all women seem to be after him.
I heard their approach then stood turning around to face him, and there he was.
WHO'S THE IDIOT WHO'S CHEATING ON HIM??!! Was my first thought!
He was so unbelievably handsome, seems to be young. At that point it didn't matter how old was he, or how rich, he was just the most attractive man I have ever seen! Jack would look so poorly handsome compared to him! He had beautiful blue eyes, white skin, and the most beautiful honey colored hair. He was smiling. His smile was more than enough to dazzle any woman standing in the room!
I was not able to concentrate on anything happening in the room. He was talking to Mary, but I couldn't make any sense of what he was saying. I had to look away to breathe again, but I couldn't.
'Who's the pretty girl?' He smiled eyeing me
I swallowed nervously, my heart beats seemed to be running so fast, and my breathing quickened.
'She's Katrina Laurence. She's here for an interview as the new receptionist' Maggie introduced me.
'Hello Miss Laurence. How are you?' He smiled then reached his hands. I rested mine in his and said absently 'Just Katrina' His smile dazzled me, and his touch made my heart race so violently.
'Alright Katrina, let's get into my office. I believe we won't have a problem as long as you are beautiful, you have passed the worst of the interview' He winked
I smiled nodding nervously.
I followed him to his office. He asked the regular questions, nothing outstanding about the interview except for his smile. He looked so dazzling whenever he smiled that I got distracted from my answer.
'So Katrina' He said at last 'We'll be happy to have as long as you hate gossips.' He winked smiling his smile again. Then he reached his hand as he got up. I rose to my feet, my heart vibrating in harmony with my hands as it rested in his.
Edward
I tried to sneak a few looks on her cell phone.
I analyzed too much may be, but I couldn't just ignore that strong feeling of suspicion every time she looked at me without the usual sparkle in her eyes, or without being able to fake it, I started to suspect after several times of having the same feeling, or even when she refused to talk with her cell phone in front of me, when she felt nervous whenever it rang.
I've had my moments of doubt, of course, but it was never that aching, painful feeling like this time, the feeling that her love have totally faded, or shattered long ago, the feeling that I'm losing her, or rather lost her, that she had slipped from my fingers, crashing to another man's arms… yes a feeling of betrayal. I tried to shake off the idea. But it was hard to let it go, when most of the signs confirmed it.
She visited every day in my office. But her visit seemed out of habit. Somehow it seemed like it was for my sake, so I wouldn't suspect something. She used to visit me before her last visit to Paris, ever since her awkward behavior started, so she just continued with this visit, trying to say nothing had changed.
She sat on the couch. I sat next to her dropping my arm casually on her shoulders. She was thoughtful for a second. I felt that she had something to say but didn't know how to do it.
'So....' I started 'Have you picked your wedding dress yet??' she rested her head on my shoulder, blocking my vision of her face and expressions.
'Umm' she murmured 'I didn't find anything that I really like, it might take a while'
'Yeah sure' I mumbled sighing
It seemed so hard to talk to her casually whenever I felt that aching feeling in my heart. I wanted to tell her everything, I wanted her to tell me that I'm just jealous , that I'm a fool, but something told me if I ever talked to her she would just approve.
Whenever I pictured my life without Serena, I realized it was almost impossible. Serena was everything to me. One lonely man, with nothing but the firm which his father left him to run, and then she came along, with her charming smile, beautiful features, with her gracefulness, with that fierce look in her eyes, her lively passion for life, her clam of believing in true love and soul mates, in all the things that novels described. She said when I first met her 'What we read in novels is not a lie, it's not a fairytale. You can make your own fairytale. It could happen to you someday. It's just not from the first glance or the first touch of hands, it's when you wake up in the morning and find your loved one lying next to you, that's when you know that you have truly lived a fairytale and experienced true love'
Ever since that day I knew Serena wouldn't be just a random woman whom I met once in cocktail party. When I proposed to her, when I saw her eyes full of tears as I placed the ring in her finger, it was as if I got everything I wanted in this world. I only wanted her in my life; I only wanted her to be my partner. I thought that my loneliness would end after she had entered her life.
I looked through my glassy door towards Maggie. As usual Mary was babbling with her about something. I wondered what they talked about all the time then whenever I show up they just shut up. But there was a third girl, her she was sitting on the chair. I couldn't see but the back of her head, and remembered that she's probably here for an interview as the new receptionist. Who needs to interview a receptionist?! All she has to do is answer phones, for crying out loud!
Yet that was a very good reason to test Serena. She used to be pissed off whenever I look at some beautiful girl or give her a complement. I wonder if she still cares about that.
'Serena' I started 'I'm busy, sweetie.'
'Oh' she moved away immediately. Normally she would be upset and argue with me then shift leaves the office. It seemed as if she was relieved that she doesn't have to stay any longer. There is definitely something wrong.
I walked with her out of my office. And as soon as I was out of the office Maggie and Mary stopped talking and both smiled widely. Mary wouldn't stop her childish moves, would she? Which part of 'I'm not interested' is so hard to understand?!
Serena was still by my side when Mary came with a pen so I would sign some papers. I didn't look at the girl until Mary finished babbling, and stopped from trying to stand closer to me.
'Is that all?' I asked lifting my eyes to the beautiful woman standing.
Her hair was brown, her eyes were honey-colored, her features all so innocent, so tender.
'Who' the pretty girl' I asked. First I only wanted to test Serena, but then, I really wanted to give her that complement.
'She's Katrina Laurence. She's here for an interview as the new receptionist' Maggie said.
I glanced at Serena from the corner of my eye and she was messing with her phone, not seeming to notice anything at all.
'Hello Miss Laurence. How are you?' I smiled to her reaching my hand. She seemed shocked. What was so weird about my look? Is it because I'm too young to run the firm that all women stop talking whenever they see me for the first time?
'Just Katrina' she said absently as we shock hands.
'Alright Katrina, let's get into my office. I believe we won't have a problem as long as you are beautiful, you have passed the worst of the interview' I winked to her. I gazed at Serena as I lead her to the office; she was unchanged by any of what happened, I don't think that she had noticed.
She kissed me on my cheek smiling then murmured walking away 'Bye, love'
Serena and I had a lot to talk about.