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I don't want to love him... but I do.

So there's this guy in my class. We share most of our classes; he's my main competition grade-wise. We're very good friends. He has a girlfriend, and she happens to be one of my best friends. So I didn't have any romantic feels for him (let's call him John, and her Jane... I know it's so original). Then last week John and one of his friends tricked me into falling for a guy who wasn't real and when I found out my heart was just broken because I thought I was in love for the first time. They were both really sorry, and I am on the road to forgiving them both. But the thing is, John (who had pretending to be the guy I fell for via texting) said he had fallen for me. I told him I didn't feel anything for him, except strained friendship. But lately, I have been thinking about him in a more-than-friend way. When he compliments me or says something nice to me, I smile and I feel really good. He told me he thinks I'm beautiful and smart, but he loves his girlfriend so he doesn't know what to do. And I don't know what's wrong with me! Why am I feeling romantic feelings for him when he just broke my heart and his girlfriend (despite our friendship)would kill me if I "took" him from her. I don't want to feel this way, but I do... and I don't want to. Can anyone shed some light on my predicament; is there any advice you can give me? I'm feeling conflicted and weird inside.
 fir8008 posted over a year ago
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Love Answers

katecurly said:
that is complicated and well u all three have to clear their feelings and know what u feel and if jane is really your friend than she will have to understand that you and john like each other and ur ment to be together
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you for the advice.
fir8008 posted over a year ago
M169 said:
First, I think it is a wonnderful thing that you are asking for help.

Next, I think one of the best thing you can do is talk to John. In a friends only way. (Thats what I did when I started crushing on my Best Guy Friend) Then, it might also help to start crushing on other people (But don't force that) Check out other guys, also hanging out with Jane would be another great thing to do, to remind you you don't want ot hurt her. What you are experincing is completely natural.

Another thing that can help is doing your favorite hobbies and keeping yourself busy, painting, drawling, sports writing ect. find some music that reflects the way you feel (Do not ask me for that please) Also finding music in genral is helpful, it allows you to escape into a world of free thinking. Also you could write about it and post it on here as a romance story. Creating art seems to help alot of people.


I hope I helped you :)
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you for the advice. I should talk to John more about this and I should also keep busy. Thank you for your insight, I appreciate it.
fir8008 posted over a year ago
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no problem :)
M169 posted over a year ago
beatles1fan said:
I have that same feeling with one of my guy friends. I however, know for a fact that I do not like him that way. I just think that he is interesting. If you honestly believe you like him, then you need to think about why you do. If it's because you have been fanticizing about him, you've probably fallen in love with the imaginary version of "John". If you actually do like him though, then you need to tell your best friend how you feel. It will be hard, and it might make her upset, but you need to do it. She should realize that be you telling her how you feel, you are tying to respect her feelings as well as yours. When all said and done though, it is up to you to decide what to do.
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you for the advice. You brought up a valid point of why I think I like him. I hadn't thought about questioning myself. Thank you, I appreciate it.
fir8008 posted over a year ago
FearlessSinger said:
You don't choose who or when you fall in love. You just fall in love when the right person comes. And maybe "John" is the right person. Does your friend love him? Or does she just have a crush on him. If she isn't really in love with him she will be mad at you for a short period then forget about it. Tell the guy you love him and see what happens. Don't wait. Oh, and, if "Jane" is really your friend, she will be happy for you. :) Good luck! :D
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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you for the advice. I'll think about Jane's feelings for John. Thank you, I appreciate the help.
fir8008 posted over a year ago
princessfelicia said:
You see what you did there is that you let him get to your heart..its not a problem actually.
And dont take the past into consideration here because its done and gone...you forgived him didnt you?
However if I was you id give it time ok...
Let him make the first move and see which one of you he chooses...ask him straight forward...
'it has to be ur girlfriend or me..so choose' if he cant then give it time and prove to him that you can be better than her..If you REALLY love him then like do nice stuff and so on..do stuff that she wouldnt dooo ok..
But you say that u dont want to love him..that complicates things even further..
You HAVE to make up your mind dear...if you DONT want to love him then try on getting over him..if that doesnt work then ull know that deep down, you DO want to love him and him to love you back so ull have to work on that ok?

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posted over a year ago 
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Thank you for the advice. I will give it time, I'm in no hurry to have my heart broken again! The reason I don't want to love him is because he broke my heart. But I have forgiven him. And I know I have to make up my mind. Thank you for your wisdom, I really appreciate it.
fir8008 posted over a year ago
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