CHAPTER ONE
23 nov. 1987
it's raining. my clothes are drenced it water while my hair covers my face. i'am freezing. mom said she would be here an hour ago. until i got the message that she was'nt coming back. the following months after mom's death [mysteriously] dad's been hitting the booze pretty hard. my older brother kendell moved out when i was about nine. he always told me that he will come back and take me with him. everyday after that i would come home from school standing beside my bag and wait.
he never came. i was 14 now fending for myself. my life was'nt as simple as before. i was hit. hard. the hitting became a routine. come home. dad's drunk. get hit for doing nothing. welcome to my paradise life. i would come to school with scars. each one with the same story. i fell. my cat sratched me. nothing new. i was coming home from school when matt jumped infront of me. my only true friend [at least thats what i thought]
"hey" he said with a smile. his hair glistening in the sunshine.
"hey" i said back covering my arm.
"what did he do?"
"what?"
"your arm. what did he do?"
"nothing. he was drunk. he didn't know."
"yeah sure. stay with me. only for a little while."
"i don't know. it's-just-so-tough"
"come on. please..."
"i don't know. i don't want him to be mad."
"oh don't give me that. you know he doesn't give a shit about you."
"hey! he may not give a shit about me but he is still my father!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"you call that lazy junkie son of a bitch a father? hawk look at your arms! what do you call those!"
"i feel down the steps!"
"some fucking steps!"
"why does it matter? you don't give a shit about me!"
"and why do you say that?"
"are you kidding me matt?! you were screwing around with other girls behing my back!"
"for a reason!"
"some fucking reason!"
i turn around and start to leave while he grabs my arm.
"no your staying with me! come here!"
and he pushed me down. he started to un-zipp his pants while i was screaming. no one could hear. i wanted my mother.
"help! help! please somebody help!"
"no one can hear you! your mine! i don't love you? well i'll show you how much i love you!"
"no matt please please matt no!"
"to late!"
next thing you know he got up zipped up his pants and smiled. he rubbed the back of my head while whispering "you were...amazing"
"i hate you" i whispered. "i hate you"
23 nov. 1987
it's raining. my clothes are drenced it water while my hair covers my face. i'am freezing. mom said she would be here an hour ago. until i got the message that she was'nt coming back. the following months after mom's death [mysteriously] dad's been hitting the booze pretty hard. my older brother kendell moved out when i was about nine. he always told me that he will come back and take me with him. everyday after that i would come home from school standing beside my bag and wait.
he never came. i was 14 now fending for myself. my life was'nt as simple as before. i was hit. hard. the hitting became a routine. come home. dad's drunk. get hit for doing nothing. welcome to my paradise life. i would come to school with scars. each one with the same story. i fell. my cat sratched me. nothing new. i was coming home from school when matt jumped infront of me. my only true friend [at least thats what i thought]
"hey" he said with a smile. his hair glistening in the sunshine.
"hey" i said back covering my arm.
"what did he do?"
"what?"
"your arm. what did he do?"
"nothing. he was drunk. he didn't know."
"yeah sure. stay with me. only for a little while."
"i don't know. it's-just-so-tough"
"come on. please..."
"i don't know. i don't want him to be mad."
"oh don't give me that. you know he doesn't give a shit about you."
"hey! he may not give a shit about me but he is still my father!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"you call that lazy junkie son of a bitch a father? hawk look at your arms! what do you call those!"
"i feel down the steps!"
"some fucking steps!"
"why does it matter? you don't give a shit about me!"
"and why do you say that?"
"are you kidding me matt?! you were screwing around with other girls behing my back!"
"for a reason!"
"some fucking reason!"
i turn around and start to leave while he grabs my arm.
"no your staying with me! come here!"
and he pushed me down. he started to un-zipp his pants while i was screaming. no one could hear. i wanted my mother.
"help! help! please somebody help!"
"no one can hear you! your mine! i don't love you? well i'll show you how much i love you!"
"no matt please please matt no!"
"to late!"
next thing you know he got up zipped up his pants and smiled. he rubbed the back of my head while whispering "you were...amazing"
"i hate you" i whispered. "i hate you"